May 082012

I woke up today to find some of my favorite Catholics blogs were going to be going offline. Apparently one or more persistent atheist commenters were making objections that devastated the authors of these blogs.

Joe of the “Blind Faith and No Reason” blog posted:

I use to ask atheists how matter could come out of nothing bringing up “Ex nihilo”, out of nothing nothing comes. Unfortunately an atheist commenter asked me about my own belief in “Why do you believe your mythical being could exist then?” I was stunned by this question. Nobody in the 2,000 year history of the Church had never considered this objection. He then brought up other questions that also nobody in the 2,000 year philosophical history of the Church had ever considered. So glad my atheist commenter finally forced me to take the red pill and to wake up into reality.

I was saddened by this, but was shocked when the next blog I went to had this to say:

I thought my Catholic commenters and myself were making headway responding to an atheist commenter and then the commenter brought up the priestly abuse scandal. We were totally unprepared for this. How could the Church founded by Christ have sinners in it? I then realized my understanding of the magical sacraments was totally flawed. Surely if God existed once I became his fanboy he would rip out my free will allowing me only to do good. I totally see now that it is not the examples of the saints who lived the faith that I should be informed by but by the sinners who didn’t live the faith. Then he brought up other examples of past sins of the Church that must be totally true in every detail since he saw it on the History Channel.

Unbelievably when I next clicked on the “Scriptural Catholic” blog I found this post by Duey Rheims:

As a lay scriptural scholar I thought I knew scripture and my faith rather well. Having read scripture daily for many years, read commentaries, heard the word proclaimed at Mass I thought I had a good understanding. Then an atheist commenter started leaving objections and questions on my comment boxes. I am prepared for most objections, but was not prepared for his asking about “talking snakes and a man living three days inside of a fish”. Wow I had never considered that there were such odd things in the Bible and I must have insulated myself from reality by ignoring this. I use have a fairly nuanced view of scripture knowing that scripture is not like modern history and that there were various literary genres used to impart truth. For example when the Prophet Nathan told King David the story of the Ewe Lamb that was taken by the rich man even though the rich man had plenty of his own, Samuel was telling a story that imparted the truth of what King David was doing by taking Bathsheba in adultery. Then I remembered Balaam’s talking Donkey and now know that the only way to approach scripture is to be a fundamentalist in regard to scriptural interpretation. No nuance or study is required, just read it and what you think it means at first blush or through your own interpretive lens is the right one. All those scholars throughout the ages just totally missed was is obvious to the combo box atheist. He then told me God hated shellfish and I knew my faith was crushed.

OK, this was getting serious. Still I was not prepared for what I found at the “Midwife of Science” blog:

I use to write on the stillbirth of science in every civilization and culture and how the Christian philosophical atmosphere prepared for the growth of science. The late priest and physicist Stanley Jaki wrote extensively about this in his books on science history. “Once more the Christian belief in the Creator allowed a break-through in thinking about nature. Only a truly transcendental Creator could be thought of as being powerful enough to create a nature with autonomous laws without his power over nature being thereby diminished. Once the basic among those laws were formulated science could develop on its own terms.” I use to point out to atheist these facts and the thousands of Catholic scientists throughout the ages. There are of course famous examples such as the Friar Gregor Johann Mendel and Deacon (possibly priest) Nicolaus Copernicus. Or the priest/astronomer/physicist Georges Lemaître who came up with what came to be called the Big Bang Theory. I knew of this and countless examples from my own research and the Catholic Laboratory Podcast. This morning after my usual routine I checked my email and found a comment from an atheist “What about the Galileo affair?” Wow, how did I miss that and its significance? Obviously this one example where Galileo was prosecuted for breaking his word and teaching as fact something not proved with empirical evidence almost two centuries after his death. So what if Galileo was totally wrong for using as proof the tides? So what if he was treated even worse by the scientists of the time and he had rather an abrasive personality. Surely this one example which could have been handled better is proof that the Church hates science and just wish it could go away so we could go back to some dark dank ages kicking it up like the Amish. The fact that the Church had setup Cathedrals as solar observatories and that she still maintains astronomical observatories is just cover for her hatred of empirical science.

As the day progresses I see more an more of the devastation of the Catholic blogosphere as Catholic blogs go dark. Now as for myself you don’t have to worry. Like any solid Catholic I am totally immune to reasonable arguments by atheists. The Pope told me atheists are mistaken so I just depend on the argument by authority without messing my mind up with want pesky reason. If God wanted me to mess around with reason he wouldn’t have given me faith.

Jan 162012

In this busy workaday world with so many distractions and noise trying to have an active prayer life is difficult at best. We fill every moment of our lives with outside stimulus with our phones, computers, television, and all our time saving appliances that leave us with no time left.

And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. –Revised Standard Version. (1 Ki 19:11–13)

The prayer-to-distraction ratio in our prayer lives is very small and outside stimulus drowns out the still small voice not even allowing it to be a voice crying out from the wilderness.

It is easy to represent this as a mathematical relationship of of prayer power to the noise power.

Yet how do we know what is an acceptable ratio for our lives and maintain the proper perspective from using consumer products or being consumed by products?

Well if you want to hear that still small voice than the new SSV-33 full spectrum distraction analyzer is the product for you!

The SSV-33 measures the prayer signal-to-noise ratio in units of Distraction Babels (dB)  or distrabels.  The distrabel is a logarithmic unit in that it can also take into account the log in you own eye. The distrabel is also a factor of 10 Commandments.

Simply turn on the SSV-33 and point it around you to get a reading of the amount of distraction pollution around you. A high distrabel reading means you need to start turning off devices around you and/or shutting down activities that have become unbalanced in prudential use of time.  While use of goods and involving yourself in activities is morally neutral, the greater good is taking time frequently to be alone with him who we know loves us as St. Teresa of Avila would say.

The  SSV-33 full spectrum distraction analyzer will not measure seeming sources of distractions like spouses and other people.  Contrary to popular opinion people are not distractions but  persons to be loved and even their quirks and annoyances provides us channels to respond to grace.  Hell is not other people, Hell is selfishness brought to its final end.

The sooner you start the better since studies have shown that prolonged exposure to distractions can cause you to become spiritually deaf. Though if this happens we also offer the St. Peter Spiritual Hearing Aid. The St. Peter Hearing Aid harnesses Apostolic power to let you hear Jesus since Jesus himself said to the Apostles “He who hears you, hears me.”

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things pass away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
He who has God
Finds he lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.
And the  SSV-33 full spectrum distraction analyzer will get you there! 

Dec 062011

Columbus’ 1492 Pictures and CJ Entertainment have acquired the rights to the Anne Rice tome “Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt,” which tells the story of a seven-year-old Jesus, who departs Egypt with his family to return home to Nazareth and discovers the truth about his birth, who he is, and his purpose in life.

Cyrus Nowrasteh will direct from a screenplay he penned with Betsy Nowrasteh. Columbus will produce along with Michael Barnathan and Mark Radcliffe through 1492 Pictures with Sean Lee, Patricia Chun and Keo Lee producing through CJ Entertainment.

Rice came to Nowrasteh first and asked if he would take on the project after seeing his film “The Stoning of Soraya M.” After agreeing to write and direct the project, Nowrasteh brought it to Columbus and Marnathan at 1492.

Well maybe a humble director could pull it off.

“This film has the potential to be a cinematic classic, a picture that will appeal to all ages, all around the world,” Columbus said. “I am proud to be part of this incredible production.”

Well scratch the humble director part. Can Chris Columbus pull it off? Seems dubious, but as a pessimistic-optimist I’ll be happy if he does and not surprised if he doesn’t.

Having read the second of her two books on the life of Christ I was fairly impressed by what she accomplished despite some flaws. Jimmy Akin seemed to have felt the same way about the book the movie is based on. One of the difficulties of the books was presenting a first person perspective from the second person of the Holy Trinity. The film is unlikely to attempt this and it will be interesting to see if they can manage to present Jesus as being both fully human and God without lapsing into the number of related heresies.

Anne Rice’s book tells the story starting from a seven year old Jesus and you have to wonder if the film will follow or attempt the story from Christ’s birth. I wouldn’t be surprised at that since Chris Columbus has done a number of movies that occurred around Christmas – Gremlins, Home Alone, Christmas with the Kranks, and Jingle All the Way. Hmm, maybe the last half of that list depresses me a bit – or a lot. Thought to be fair while I refuse to watch “Christmas with the Kranks”, I have a B-movie fondness of “Jingle All the Way” in that it is so bad it is good.

He also directed “Young Sherlock Holmes” so will this film be called “Young Jesus”?

I know some Christians are going to freak out with a pairing of Vampire novelist Anne Rice and Harry Potter director Chris Columbus. Like I said I am in optimistic-pessimist mode about the project.

Though Chris Columbus doing a movie on the young Jesus could finally realize one of my parody ideas.

In this latest family movie Macaulay Culkin stars as the 12 year old Jesus
In a story based on the Gospel of Luke. At the end of Passover the boy
Jesus is accidentally left behind at the temple when, unaware of their
mistake, Joseph and Mary traveling in separate groups depart Jerusalem
for Nazareth. Forced to hold up in the Temple, Jesus uncovers a plot
by two bungling thieves disguised as Pharisees attempting to rob the
Temple’s gold. You will shake with laughter as Jesus through his omnipresence
is always several steps ahead of them and sets traps to foil their plot.
Just as you think they are mortally wounded they are resurrected for
more fun. By day Jesus amazes the Pharisees with his wisdom, by night
he confounds the bandits.

Spotlight Reviews

I should have made this movie instead  Mel Gibson

Hysterical not Heretical Scott Hahn

Makes us almost want to believe in Jesus again National
Catholic Reporter

I will never be able to pray the Fifth Joyful Mystery
of the Rosary again without laughing  Pope John Paul II
Special DVD Features include:

  • Commentary explaining why Jesus was not mouthing off
    to Mary when he said “How is it that you sought me? Did you not
    know that I must be in my Father’s house?”
  • Interactive game where you gain points in wisdom and
  • Deleted scenes: Jesus practicing with a whip of cords
    on some mock money -changer’s tables.
  • Interactive game where you control Macaulay
    Culkin and try to find what happened to all of his royalties.

On Sale $17.99

Nov 302011

In the latest document dump from WikiLeaks thousands of corporate emails, memos, and chat logs have been published exposing assignments of Secret Santas.

Spokesperson and editor-in-chief of WikiLeaks said “As long as we can speak out, as long as we can publish, and as long as the Internet remains free, we will continue to fight back, armed with the truth. No longer will workers who receive inferior gifts have to wonder who the scrooge was in his company.”

“We, journalists, are at our best when we share with activists and lawyers the goal of exposing bad gift giving and wrong-doing; when we help to hold others to account. We hope to send people the message to transform the bad old days of “Secret Santas” and move to fully accountable and open “Transparent Santas.” WikiLeaks believes good gift givers should be acknowledged for their efforts and bad gift givers held up for ridicule and accountability.”

Oddly news of this latest data dump has temporarily caused a rise in sales in stores across the world from companies affected by the leaks as workers went to stores to return gifts to buy betters ones.

Nov 302011

Ask Siri, Apple’s virtual assistant for the iPhone, for ideas on where to eat dinner or whether you need an umbrella, and it will deliver helpful localized suggestions.

But try asking it to find a local abortion clinic, and the software turns up a puzzling blank — even in areas that clearly have such clinics. The response in Manhattan is: “Sorry, I couldn’t find any abortion clinics.” [Matthew Warner]

As a software developer this is a time when I can say “that is not a bug, it is a feature” with no irony attached.

Though I have to think how sad it is that somebody was testing this feature out and some abortion supporters are upset about it. Come on really? Some women thwarted from getting an abortion because her phone wouldn’t tell her where an abortion clinic is? You know it is just one of those spur of the moment things where you don’t want to have to do any research.

Considering the recent Steve Jobs biography “I wanted to meet [her] mostly to see if she was OK and to thank her, because I’m glad I didn’t end up as an abortion,..” maybe this is more than a bug.

Though after some investigation myself I have determined it is the semantic problem with the virtual assistant’s speech recognition algorithm.

Here is my test script and the result.

Test: “I want to murder the unborn child in my womb”

Siri: “Oh you want Planned Parenthood they murder more children than anybody else.”

Test: “Where can I have an innocent unborn child sliced up and disposed of.”

Siri: “You want the abortuary at 4131 University Blvd S # 2, Jacksonville, Fl.”

Nov 222011

For now on I want other people and the media to refer to me as a “Devout Democrat.” I grew up in a Democratic family with devotion to all Democrat candidates and worked canvasing neighborhoods for various Democratic candidates. Everybody I knew was a Democrat with Democrat party pieties. When I turned eighteen I happily voted for Jimmy Carter. There was much that resonated with me concerning the Democratic Party.

I am still a devout Democrat and honor my political faith and love it … but they have this anti-conscience thing. I just don’t follow anything the Democratic Party teaches and am totally opposed to almost all of their hierarchical leadership. I just have a nostalgic fondness and attachment for my cultural Democratism. Regardless I still consider myself a devout Democrat – the faith of my youth. Some might be judgmental and call me a cafeteria Democrat.

Besides if Nancy Pelosi can be a “devout” Catholic, I can be a “devout” Democrat.

Nov 102011

The rejection of Mississippi’s Proposition 26 known as the personhood amendment has resulted in a surprising decision by the Mississippi Supreme Court. In a case involving the question of recognizing corporations as juridical persons the court has decided that not only can corporations not be recognized as such but that the people of the state are also non-persons.

In a majority opinion written by Chief Justice William L. Waller, Jr. in part says “The scientific evidence clearly shows that there is no difference between a fetus and those who are born other than stage of development. Since the personhood of the unborn has been rejected by the voters it follows that the personhood of the voters themselves should also be rejected. We make this opinion fully aware of the consequences, but we must follow this precedence set. As the inhabitants of this state are now juridical non-persons they have no legal rights which apply to actual persons.”

This ruling is sending shockwaves through the state as the non-persons of Mississippi realize they have no legal rights to address this ruling or work to overturn it. Ms. M. T. Womb who voted against the amendment said “How dare they deny my personhood just because I denied the personhood of another.” The reaction by other former-voters has been equally strong.

The reaction in other states has been mixed. Some in the business community are enquiring into the possibility of raids into Mississippi in able to gather up non-persons to sell into slavery. Legal scholars are also debating the personhood status of a Mississippi resident on travel in regards to interstate laws. Pro-lifers who did not support this amendment could not be reached for comments.

In other news see “Congrats to Big-Brain Pro-Lifers

Aug 032011

One of the criticisms by atheists of religious believers is the idea of blind faith. Of an unthinking attachement to religion. They love the portmanteau “Sheeple” to describe religious believers, a word I hate whole-heartily.

I guess they have a point and if you look at the world of religion that is why you find no disagreements in the religious sphere. No heresies throughout history, no dissenters, everybody just tows the line and follows along doing no thinking at all. This also explains why there is only one world religion. Amazing how all theology books just line up together. We just keep going on non-thinking together and never questioning anything!

Life is so much easier as a believer than when I was an atheist. I have hardly missed giving up thinking.

Sep 142010

When it comes to infestations by Liturgeists and other frightful beings – who are you going call?

If you are dealing with the zeitgeist – the spirit of the age – we must remember what St. Paul says in 1st Corinthian 2:12 “Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit which is from God, that we might understand the gifts bestowed on us by God.”  St. Paul also wrote “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passion.” and when it comes to this the time is already here as it has been for men throughout the ages.

That is why  at Geistbusters are here to help you exterminate those pesky spirits of Vatican II that seem to often manifest themselves around holdouts from the sixties.  If you are experiencing disturbances in your parish, school, or other Catholic institutions you might have wondered what to do about it.  In this skeptical age when you tell others of liturgical and theological abuses you have experienced they might not believe you and when you complain of  Vatican II spirits haunting you they might chalk it up to your Pharicism or overactive imagination.  When you experience manifestations such as Holy Water turning into sand or marbles or inclusive language disturbing the grammar of the Mass with odd placements of pronouns – rest assured we here at Geistbusters not only believe you, but are here you help you out.

When you recognize a haunting of a Vatican II spirit don’t be tempted in trying to eradicate them yourself.  Some have foolishly thought that such spirits could be banished just by actually quoting the texts of Vatican II.  If such were the case Gregorian Chant would actually be given “pride of place in liturgical services.” as Vatican II called for.  For example try telling a Vatican II spirit that according to Lunem Gentium “Religious submission of mind and of will must be shown in a special way to the authentic Magisterium of the Roman Pontiff even when he is not defining” and expect them to recant a position contrary to the fourth level of teaching.  Laugher would be the normal reply of such mischievous spirits.  You might think to try using reason and the authority of magisterial documents to help make the case, try that if you want to be blue in the face as much good as it will do you.

Still you wonder if your parish will ever be normal and some don’t even believe in the parishnormal.  But I am here to tell you the parishnormal exists and that Geistbusters was started to assist you in returning your parish to a normal state of orthodoxy.  Our team here at Geistbusters consists of men ready to help you out immediately.  Our Geistbusters go through rigorous training consisting of prayer and fasting so that they can take on those spirits of Vatican II.  We have developed special equipment to zap heresies and watered down teachings and sending them back to where they came from.  Our particle accelerator proton pack fires a stream of highly charged protons that overcomes the heterodoxically charged electrons that spirits of Vatican II are composed of.  Since protons have Mass they are an apt particle for Catholic use.  The containment unit is specially constructed to be able to contain liturgical fads, dissident teaching, new-agey doctrine, and various other Vatican II spirits in a dogmatically dense material guaranteed to last till the Second Coming.

Shown here is one of our Geistbusters using the proton pack and containment unit to overcome liturgical dancers and to extract and trap any Vatican II spirits possessing these dancers.  This is done totally without physical harm to the dancers themselves who afterwards will wonder what the heck they were doing in the sanctuary and have a sudden desire to actually read the documents of Vatican II after Mass.

Liturgical dancers are one thing and we here at Geistbusters can handle even the most difficult cases.  In the movie Ghostbusters the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man did plenty of damage before stopped. Even though the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is rather silly looking it was still able to do damage and this is an important concept to remember.

Don’t try this at home kiddies!

Yes Geistbusters will even take on Giant Liturgical Puppets which is not for the feint of heart or really for any heart. As scary as Giant Liturgical Puppets are they can be taken down and reduced to their constituent paper mache atoms. We take our job seriously which is why we call in teams of Swiss Guard in these extreme cases. Now some have become concerned about what would happen if the beams of the Geistbusters’ proton packs would cross. Well to be honest we are not sure, though we are pretty certain that the result could not be worse than Giant Liturgical Puppets.

So whether you are in a parish with some minor confusion or going to a university that has a vision statement about Catholic identity and being in the tradition of some founder yet would never in the world implement Ex Corde Ecclesiae. No job is too small or too large for our Geistbusters, but we might need some serious lead time to ensure proper prayer and fasting for the most serious jobs.  Please don’t call us about diocesan bishops possibly possessed by spirits of Vatican II.  These jobs have to be initiated by the Holy Father, though we are expecting to get a call to fly to fly to Belgium soon.

Just remember that if you see something like this –  run – to you nearest Geistbusters.

If there’s somethin’ strange in your diocese
Who ya gonna call (Geistbusters)
If it’s somethin’ weird an heterodox
Who ya gonna call (Geistbusters)

I ain’t afraid a no spirit of VII
I ain’t afraid a no spirit of VII
If you’re hearing homilies that you dread
Who can you call (Geistbusters)
A litugist sleepin’ in your bed

Oh who ya gonna call (Geistbusters)
I ain’t afraid a no spirit of VII
I ain’t afraid a no spirit of VII
Who ya gonna call (Geistbusters)
If you’re all alone pick up the phone
An call (Geistbusters)

* Members of the Diocese of Los Angeles and Rochester call us for a special group rate.

*Hippy crack vestment source

Aug 182010

(Roto Reuters) SAN FRANCISCO –  More fallout continues from Judge Vaughn Walker overturning of California’s Proposition 8 on grounds that it was unconstitutional.  While the legal case will continue on in the courts a surprising side effect of this ruling is starting to cause consternation among homosexuals. Increasing reports are coming in concerning a very surprising turn of events which is currently being investigated.

Judge Walker’s ruling has apparently rendered homosexual couples wanting to get married capable of marriage.  The biological mechanics of how this has happened is being looked into by researchers at Northridge Hospital Medical Center.  Apparently within days of this ruling multiple homosexual partners started complaining of pains suspiciously similar to morning sickness.  It was apparently considered a hoax by hospital staff when CT scans revealed female reproductive organs in one of the male partners from a homosexual couple.  With multiple occurrences of this being reported by hospitals throughout California it is now shown not to be a hoax, but that some males in a gay relationship had indeed developed reproductive organs that had started growing on the day of Judge Walker’s ruling.  It has also been confirmed that these men were indeed suffering from morning sickness and were actually pregnant.

The large number of these cases and the shock from these men threw out suspicion that they were simply women with sex change operations due to gender identity.  Medical researches are still trying to determine why it is that only one person from such a relationship would develop what is now being called Sudden Complementary Reproduction Capability Syndrome.  SCRCS also effects Lesbian couples who swear they have not used artificial insemination and yet one women in the relationship pregnant.

Some gay couples are outraged by Judge Walkers decision that rendered them capable both the unitive and procreative aspects of marriage by giving them complementary reproductive equipment against their will.  Many are upset about the idea that homosexual marriage will actually mean raising children other than by adopting the offspring of heterosexuals.  Joe Smether of South Bay said “I am glad that gay activists have often united with pro-choice activists in the past so that we can get abortions to keep our marriages sterile.”  Others are seeking contraceptives  to render sterile once again what once was a sterile act between a homosexual couple.

Legal scholars are looking at the physical repercussions of this.  While in the past and present many rulings have gone against common sense and natural biology, this is the first ruling that caused a physical change to follow the law.  Observer are carefully following other rulings to see if there are any other similar effects and whether judges have evolved beyond law interpretation/activism to the more god-like powers many thought they already had.  Politicians in the nations capitol are also following this result closely and hoping the latest CAFE standards actually causing scientists to make breakthroughs in physics.