Humor

This story is about the leaked code of Microsoft Windows on the internet and reports that it is laced with profanity.
[Via Joshua Claybourn]

Well that explains a lot of things. I can now blame subliminal cursing for all the times I have cursed Microsoft Products, especially the user-friendly Blue Screen of Death.

Computers and cursing reminds me of a practical joke I pulled off some years ago on an unsuspecting Civil Servant working on the base. At that time DOS was still the primary OS and Word Perfect was the word processor of choice. I got onto his computer and reprogrammed all of his keyboard keys via Word Perfect macros. Subsequently I watched him as he starting typing in a document manually from a paper document. When he looked up at the screen he was totally befuddled by all of the cuss words now present. He backspaced to delete them all and starting typing again with the same result. After he finally realized that I was the culprit and had programmed all of his keyboard letters into cuss words he yelled out “Chief Miller!!!”

Curt Jester Shops now has in stock the latest product to help you in talking to others, the Dial-Log™. You have longed heard from groups that if only we could dial-log then all problems could be solved. If the laity could dial-log with the Catholic hierarchy then all problems would simply fall away. But you have looked far and wide as to how to effectively dial-log and up to now you had no options.

Our Dial-Log™ come with a sturdy dial and specially preserved wood logs to ensure a lifetime of dial-logging. When someone asks you to dial-log with them you just grab your trusty Dial-Log™ and start dialing away to your hearts content.

We also have custom Ecumenical Dial-Logs™. Each of our high tech painted Ecumenical Dial-Logs™ have the logo of the church you wish to dial-log with.

Don’t settle for cheap foreign models that break at the first dialing option or offer termite ridden wood. Get the only Dial-Log™ with an unlimited lifetime warranty. No matter how many hours you log dialing you will never be unsatisfied with this fine American made product.

Previously Jesterware has brought you the game designs for Deanings and
Clarktris but
now we go to a whole new level of political interactive gaming. With John
Kerry’s Medal Toss you get to throw your military medals over the fence onto
the
White House lawn just like he did. Now you might not think it is right
to throw you medals away in some kind of symbolic action, but that’s okay they’re not really your medals. President hopeful John Kerry also threw someone else’s medals
over the that fence. If a candidate for the highest office of the land can
do this without any public apology it must be just fine. So if one day you
also have aspirations to be a pretentious french-looking politician seeking
the presidency then get your practice in with this exciting simulation.

John Kerry’s Medal Toss is a Flash animation game.

Game Play
To play simply click on the Silver Star on John Kerry’s chest with your mouse
and hold the button down. The Medal Throwing power bar will then start showing
you the current medal toss power level. Release the mouse button when the power
bar is at the desired level. The medals are then tossed onto the lawn. If they
land within the water fountain area you get an extra 1000 points for empty
symbolism. If you break a window you lose 500 points for vandalism. To throw again simply select Replay and try again.

Update: I have now added sounds and due to a suggestion by Justin Katz a broken window feature.

New York — Roy and Silo, two chinstrap penguins at the Central Park Zoo in Manhattan, are completely devoted to each other. For nearly six years now, they have been inseparable. They exhibit what in penguin parlance is called “ecstatic behavior”: That is, they entwine their necks, they vocalize to each other, they have sex. Silo and Roy are, to anthropomorphize a bit, gay penguins.
[Full Story]

I wonder how long it will take for the Massachusetts’s court to remove references from human in the laws concerning marriage. If we are only rational animals with no inherent dignity given by a creator God then why shouldn’t animals involved in loving committed relationships be left out from our marriage laws. Now there are some who would object at this or equivocate at only allowing gay penguin unions, but they are all penguinphobes. If God didn’t want penguins to get married he wouldn’t have created them so that they never needed to rent a tuxedo.

Next years Super Bowl is going to be held in my adopted home town of Jacksonville, Fl and I happen to know some people on the planning committee. They are really concerned about the half time show and want to make sure that the burlesque show and pornographic posturings that happened this year in Texas will not be repeated. They also don’t want to totally dumb it down to the level of Barney and would still like to appeal to key demographics.

In a surprise turn of events Janet Jackson has agreed to appear for free and to wear a costume specially engineered to prevent any possible wardrobe malfunction or sexually suggestive moves.

(Janet Jackson at costume try out with
specially modified corset and jacket.
Roto Reuters/Howard Mason)

Other male performers will be outfitted with a specially made metal jockstrap connected to a 10,000 volt battery. Contact to the groin area with their hands or any other body part will zap the performer into unconsciousness. Thus ensuring a shocking half time show.

Washington D.C. (Roto Reuters) The Missionary Sons of the Immaculate Heart of Mary have recently announced a mission into new territory. Superior General Fr Joseph Maria Maria Joseph recently announced “We looked around the world to see what areas were most in need of the Good News of Jesus Christ and our redemption. We looked at Africa and while there is still room for missionaries there we found that they now have a larger Catholic population than in many traditionally Christian countries. We decided to go outside the box to determine what areas were most in need. That is when providence showed it’s hand. I happened to read the negative reactions to a speech given by Cardinal Arinze at Georgetown University. I was rather surprised at the reaction and thought no more of it. When I read that the University saw no ethical conflicts with experimenting with the stem cells of aborted children, I knew we had our mission.”

“We realize that this is a dangerous mission and that we will have to train our missionaries to the rigors of this environment. They will have to learn to brave, relativism, radical pluralism, tolerance of everything but Christianity. Even more dangerous their work might also bring them into contacts with their theology professors. A couple of our most experienced missionaries who helped to bring the Gospel to a cannibal tribe are rather faint at heart at this new prospect. With God’s help and much sacrifice we hope to bring Christianity to Georgetown.”

Archbishop Raymond L. Burke’s previously of the La Crosse Diocese and now the Archbishop of St. Louis Archdiocese has written letters to pro-abortion Catholic legislators and has issued an official order stating that politicians who support abortion or euthanasia are to be refused Holy Communion. In reference to presidential candidate John F. Kerry the Archbishop has recently stated “I would have to admonish him not to present himself for Communion,” said Burke. “I might give him a blessing or something,” he said. “If his archbishop has told him he should not present himself for Communion, he shouldn’t. I agree with Archbishop O’Malley.”

Critics of Archbishop Burke have charged that not only is this out of line, but that it is impossible to enforce. With the number of Extraordinary Eucharistic Ministers (EEM) giving communion it is not reasonable for them to be trained in recognizing all pro-abortion Catholic politicians, there are just too many. EEMs who were unsure on someone in line would have to give communion so as to not wrongly deny someone the sacraments.

Curt Jester Laboratories taking heed of the critics comments and to help those in carrying out the good Archbishop’s official orders has come up with a solution. This new product, the Facial Recognition Paten 2000, will be unveiled shortly at the 2004 International Las Vegas Communion Electronics Show. This hand held unit will compare the face of the person in line receiving communion with a database of known pro-abortion candidates and activists via a wireless network. If the unit recognizes the communicant’s facial nodes as defined in the database the light panel on the back changes from green to red.

The Facial Recognition Paten 2000 recognizes facial nodes by looking at the distance between the eyes, width of nose, depth of eye sockets, cheekbones, jaw line, and chin.

These are standard industry checks, but Curt Jester Labs goes even further. Due to the propensity of politicians all of a sudden appearing 10 years younger than they did a week ago; special Botox algorithms and face lift statistical analysis formulas are used to adjust for these apparent changes.

The unit is designed to ignore false philosophical negatives like “personally opposed” and to treat the individual directly as a promoter of abortion.

This example show how the picture of a pro-abortion politician is converted into facial nodes and how the grid is used to measure facial characteristics.

Fr. Sibley has proposed the first annual St. Blog’s Awards and
it looks like Joshua LeBlanc of Dei Gratia has volunteered to do the technical
work to make it happen. Since Fr. Sibley has proposed the idea I suggest that
we call the statue award given a Sibley. Here is a proposed statue based
on a picture of the good padre.

2004 St. Blog Awards

The Sibley

Mark Shea received some flak about one of his Gay Brownshirts on the March! post titles.

Apparently, deliberate ideologically-driven property damage and vandalism has to reach a certain threshhold before it’s brownshirt activity. Smash shop windows and scrawl “JUDEN” on the doors: that’s Brownshirt. Just do slightly smaller acts of vandalism and property damage and it’s not.

Somebody needs to publish the Official Index of How Much Ideologically-Driven Vandalism and Property Damage You Can Get Away with Before Being a Brownshirt. I’m rusty at measuring these nuances and think all such acts of ideology-prompted vandalism and property damage are morally indistinguishable from the sort of bullyboy crap the SA enjoyed doing.
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As a public service to Mark Shea and his readers, I offer the official On the March Threat Level Index so that he can choose an official shirt color for a story.

Is a follower of Christ who was court-ordered to a psychiatric hospital considered a committed Christian?

Is the Old Testament story in the Book of Numbers about Balaam the only place in the Bible where God talks out of his ass?

Is the lesson to be learned from the Book of Job* that if God is about to give you props, make sure that your health and property insurance is paid up?

*The one in the Old Testament for you Dean fans