Humor

Raid on St. Patrick’s Cathedral

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

NEW YORK A surprise raid occurred in the early hours today as a failed attempt was made to retrieve the body of Venerable Fulton J. Sheen from a crypt under St. Patrick’s Cathedral.

The conflict between Illinois Bishop Daniel Jenky and Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York came into public view on September 3, when Bishop Jenky issued a statement that the Cause for Sheen’s beatification and canonization had for the foreseeable future been suspended.

An agreement with the Cardinal Egan the previous Archbishop of New York seems to have been put aside. According to a news release by the Archdiocese of Peoria on September 5th.

On June 27, 2014, the Diocese of Peoria received the most recent communication from the Archdiocese of New York. This letter from its lawyer definitively stated that it would never allow the examination of the body, the securing of relics or the transfer of the body.

An anonymous source within the Archdiocese informed us that it was after the serious insult of this letter that plans were put into motion to retrieve the body of Venerable Fulton J. Sheen “one way or another.” It was then that the daring raid on the crypt under St. Patrick’s Cathedral was planned out and authorized. So far it is unknown if the Archbishop was aware of this plot or if it was the result of a loose canon lawyer or monsignor acting on their own.

Unfortunately unknown to the Archdiocese of Peoria was that Cardinal Dolan had previously worked out an agreement with the U.S. vicar of the Prelature of Opus Dei Monsignor Thomas G. Bohlin for the use of specially trained Opus Dei agents as guards of the crypt. While these personnel are not monks it alleged they are very pale, possibly being albinos. They disrupted the raid conducted by two priests and a group of Archbishop Sheen enthusiasts. When questioned by authorities they refused to answer any questions unless given a chalkboard. One policeman said that when he heard the confession of one of the perpetrators it was “like being stoned to death with popcorn.”

While inter-diocesan fighting is unlikely to breakout, collegiality seems to have taken a hit. So far no statement regarding this raid has been release from either diocese. When we reached out to both diocese we were told “no comment”.

See Dolan, Jenky To Settle Dispute Over Sheen Remains In Octagon for further developments.

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The Weekly Francis

The Weekly Francis – Volume 72 – 8 September 2014

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

pope-francis2-300x187This version of The Weekly Francis covers material released in the last week from 31 August to 6 September 2014.

The Weekly Francis is a compilation of the Holy Father’s writings, speeches, etc which I also post at Jimmy Akin’s The Weekly Francis. Jimmy Akin came up with this idea when he started “The Weekly Benedict” and I have taken over curation of it.

Angelus

General Audiences

Messages

Speeches

Daily Homilies (fervorinos)

Papal Tweets

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Punditry

The Crux of the Matter

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

Recently the Boston Globe announced a new Catholic new site “Crux: Covering all things Catholic”.

After their aquistion last year of John L. Allen Jr. as an Associate Editor this move was no surprise and Allen has continued to turn out columns always interesting to read.

Still I wondered how long until Crux was just another National Catholic Reporter. When he worked for them he was pretty much their only redeeming value. News content is being provided by multiple sources such as the Catholic News Service and the Religion News Service. Not a great fan of either, especially RNS and David Gibson.

Today they ran a column by Margery Eagan which was pretty much full National Catholic Reporter mode. Never go full National Catholic Reporter.

  • Reference to inquisition “nunquisition” – check
  • Reference to crusades – check
  • Reference to crackdown – check
  • Dissident nuns are awesome (helping the poor don’t you know) – check
  • Brings up sex abuse crisis – check
  • Makes you dumber reading it – check

You can write articles such as these from a boilerplate template.

What is so idiotic about these articles is they talk about “alleged” complaints by the Vatican when it is so obvious these charges are exactly right. You could side with their dissent, but you can’t call it orthodoxy. It is such a dishonest complaint. Her complaint that the Vatican criticized them for being too Obama-care friendly isn’t even factually correct.

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HumorPunditry

Great moments in Evangelizaton

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

Many will have already seen the following news:

A news release from the Diocese of Peoria Sept. 3, 2014.

It is with immense sadness that the Most Reverend Daniel R. Jenky, CSC, Bishop of Peoria and President of the Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen Foundation, announced today that the Cause for Sheen’s beatification and canonization has for the foreseeable future been suspended. The process to verify a possible miracle attributed to Sheen had been going extremely well, and only awaited a vote of the Cardinals and the approval of the Holy Father. There was every indication that a possible date for beatification in Peoria would have been scheduled for as early as the coming year. The Holy See expected that the remains of Venerable Sheen would be moved to Peoria where official inspection would be made and first class relics be taken. Subsequently, the Archdiocese of New York denied Bishop Jenky’s request to move the body to Peoria. After further discussion with Rome, it was decided that the Sheen Cause would now have to be relegated to the Congregation’s historic archive.

Countless supporters especially from the local church in Central Illinois have given their time, treasure and talent for this good work with the clear understanding that the body of Venerable Sheen would return to the Diocese. Bishop Jenky was personally assured on several occasions by the Archdiocese of New York that the transfer of the body would take place at the appropriate time. New York’s change of mind took place as the work on behalf of the Cause had reached a significant stage.

Bishop Jenky is what is technically called the “actor” of the Sheen Cause. The Diocese of Peoria and the Sheen Foundation have prayed and labored for this good work for the last twelve years. The Bishop is heartbroken not only for his flock in Peoria but also for the many supporters of the Sheen Cause from throughout the world who have so generously supported Peoria’s efforts. It should be noted, however, that saints are always made by God not by man. Efforts for many causes have sometimes taken decades or even centuries. Bishop Jenky urges that those who support the Sheen Cause continue their prayers that God’s will be made manifest.

No further comment will be released at this time.

What? When I first saw this I thought surely there must be more to the story. What is the Archdiocese of New York’s side of it? Really this couldn’t just be this insane? If it is as it seems to be than this is a great moment in evangelization. The nightly talk show jokes pretty much write themselves. Well at least it isn’t as bad as the Cadaver Synod.

First off if the Archdiocese of New York thought it had primary claim of his body, then exactly why did they not start the cause in the first place. Oh hey let the Diocese of Peoria bear the costs and the investment of time and then have the body as an attraction to draw people.

Although certainly there is a much more charitable way to look at the situation instead of following the money. Then I was shocked when one of my readers sent me a copy of a letter reportedly from the late Cardinal Francis Joseph Spellman. Cardinal Spellman was the Archbishop of New York when Archbishop Sheen was alive. I am providing you with the text of the letter and an image of the actual letter.

Dear Successor:

If in the off chance that Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen ever has a formal cause for sainthood, please sabotage it. That will fix him for not giving me the one million dollars raised for the Society for the Propagation of the Faith and embarrassing me in front of the Pope.

When I said outside the Pope’s office “I will get even with you!” to Archbishop Sheen I wasn’t kidding. If you can please arrange this to happen just before any official Vatican action it would be greatly appreciated.

Wishing you a blessed year, I am

Very sincerely yours,

Archbishop of New York

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The Weekly Francis

The Weekly Francis – Volume 71 – 2 September 2014

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

pope-francis2-300x187This version of The Weekly Francis covers material released in the last week from 10 August to 1 September 2014.

The Weekly Francis is a compilation of the Holy Father’s writings, speeches, etc which I also post at Jimmy Akin’s The Weekly Francis. Jimmy Akin came up with this idea when he started “The Weekly Benedict” and I have taken over curation of it.

Angelus

General Audiences

Homilies

Messages

Speeches

Daily Homilies (fervorinos)

Papal Tweets

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Punditry

Abortion Bucket Challenge

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

While the #TacoBeerChallenge started as an ironic Twitter joke, the straightforward message resonated and pictures of carne asada wrapped in a corn tortilla are proliferating on the web–though members of the pro-life movement have tried to hijack the hashtag to harness the attention for their cause.

“What do ice buckets have to do with ALS? I don’t know. What do tacos and beer have to do with abortion? I don’t know that either,” Grimes writes for RH Reality Check. “What I do know is that eating tacos and drinking beer is more pleasurable than getting doused with ice water, and that lawmakers around the country are passing increasingly restrictive anti-abortion access laws.” Via Time Magazine

It is quite true there is no relationship in this abortion funding challenge and the acts purposed. Tacos and beer matches the abortion support rhetoric where language is obtuse hiding behind phrases with no mention of the reality. Really if they wanted a challenge in line with abortion values with a more signifying act. Perhaps the Pigs Blood Bucket Challenge makes a more accurate correlation visually.

Really for abortion supporters the bucket challenge is for unborn children to kick the bucket.

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Other

On the Coyness of God

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

From a post by John C. Wright where he responds to one of his readers.

I’m fairly certain, if God is indeed maximally good and therefore would do everything he could to draw people, free agents, towards him, the greatest good, that logically, the best option would be to reveal himself not just occasionally, but always so that there can be no doubt as to his existence.

For though the heart of the atheist and other non-believers may be hard, and their minds closed off, I’m fairly certain even Dawkins and Osama Bin-Laden would have gotten on their knees and prayed for forgiveness and most likely would NOT have even needed to do so if God was always undeniably present.

What deficiencies, if any, are there on this option

Have you ever been an atheist? I was. I would have defied God to his face, and blasphemed the Holy Spirit. I solemnly assure you that I would have. The coyness of God is the only thing that saved from the one thing the Bible clearly says is an unforgivable sin. …

Now I can certainly identify with that. The idea that even if you see a miracle that you will instantly accept God really does not necessarily follow. It is a common complaint among atheists that both deny God and demand that he reveal himself to them. It is a nice idea that when we are provided by evidence that our philosophies will instantly change to take this new information in in. A nice idea absolutely refuted by human nature.

I know from my only life that what Mr. Wright says about defying God to his face is not just hyperbole. I know this since I have done such. Once when returning from an pre-deployment workup at sea my wife had told me about a miracle, one that she and our kids witnessed and that she had the benefit of. I have never had any reason to doubt the testimony of my wife or my children, but in this case I could do nothing but doubt. My philosophy as an atheist did not allow miracles and such they could not exist. So I was quite willing to totally ignore their testimony and come up with alternate theories to explain it.

Years later I was to experience an aspect of what they witnessed. This happened as I had started to believe in God. I accepted that there were miracles, but still I tested what I experienced to see if there was a natural explanation. I realized later how this was juxtaposed in relation to the testimony of my family. As a believer I could accept miracles, but deny or question specific ones and subject them to reason. “Test everything. Hold on to the good.” (1 Thess. 5:21) As an atheist I could only deny them with no need to question further.

A nice antidote to this idea of God revealing himself to remove all doubt need only to read the Book of Exodus. God continuously revealed himself to them and yet they disobeyed him at every corner. They witness countless miracles and did nothing but whine and build idols. Now even for those who do not accept the events in the Book of Exodus, still you can read this as literature and find nothing contrary to human nature. I have a hard time for even a skeptical reader to read the story and then say “There is no way they would act such after seeing such miracles and the constant presence of the pillar of the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night.” You could reject this as a story, but not reject that is was an accurate portrayal of human nature.

Another interesting example is the story of Nobel laureate Alexis Carrel who witnessed two miracles at Lourdes and still could not bring himself to believe it was anything more than natural forces at work. For details see this article by the late Rev. Stanley L. Jaki.

Note: Post title is lifted from Mr. Wright’s post title.

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HumorLiturgy

Every Knee Must Bend (or not)

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

doctor performing surgery on kneeThe World Health Organization (WHO) has been tracking a disturbing trend in chronic inflammation of knee joints. Currently it is not known if this is a vector-borne disease or is spread in another manner. While currently not an epidemic world-wide, it has surprisingly confined itself to only Catholics and its effects can be easily observed. In a long-awaited report that will be debated by member states at a meeting in October in Moscow, the United Nations health agency also voiced concern about chronic inflammation of knee joints in various Catholic communities.

Dr. Peter Capaldi (WHO), has been voicing concerns about Genuflectitis since he first started noticing the effects in Catholic parishes as he traveled worldwide. “I started noticing the number of people not genuflecting when entering the vestibule. First I thought this was simple irreverence, then I noticed that many people instead of kneeling during the Consecration were leaning forward instead of kneeling. I felt the most charitable explanation was a serious knee inflammation preventing proper kneeling. This might also be connected to spinal cord injuries since I also noticed people unable to make a profound bow, but just a head-nod instead.” It has also been noted by many other orthopedic surgeons that this inflammation comes and goes. For example during Mass knee-bending is painful, but this usually does not effect motion when sprinting to their car as soon as the concluding rite is finished.

While the method of transmission of Genuflectitis is not currently known, it does seem to strike 100 percent of some populations. Dr. Capaldi informed us that choir members are especially prone since he almost never sees them kneeling during the Consecration. Even in people who are able to kneel this inflammation is still having an effect. With Genuflectitis kneeling can be so painful that the congregation eagerly waits for the priest to sit down after cleansing the sacred vessels. Immediately upon the priest sitting you can hear the effect as everybody also promptly sits down.

There has been controversy within the Catholic community as to how this is actually spread. Traditional Catholics point to the fact that Genuflectitis is virtually unknown at a Traditional Latin Mass. Even going so far as to suggest it is spread via the vigorous and extended hand-shaking that goes on during the Sign of Peace. Eastern Rite Catholics also seem to have immunity. Other Catholics counter that there are areas where the Ordinary Form of the Mass is celebrated with reverence that are also immune to this crippling disease.

While some doctors suggest exercise such as Deep Knee Bends, Standing Knee Lifts,or Hamstring Contractions, other have found the best rehabilitation is a deeper understanding of Eucharistic theology along with a prescription of John Chapter 6 and Philippians 2:10.

* Parody caveat: For those who actually suffer from knee ailments, this post is only aimed at those who are able to kneel and don’t.

Photo credit: Zdenko Zivkovic via photopin, Creative Commons

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Punditry

Mission Statement-wary Position

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

I first ran across Mission Statement’s while in the Navy. They were trying to adapt Dr. Deming’s Total Quality Management (TQM) into their own program called Total Quality Leadership (TQL). I wasn’t much impressed by the idea of mission and vision statements since I figured they were just another element in bureaucratic paperwork and were just another exercise in time wasted. There hasn’t been anything since then to change my mind.

So when I started seeing these in parishes it seemed to me they didn’t have much vision or knew their mission other than promulgating buzzwords and being inclusive/welcoming/vibrant/caring.

My exacts thoughts were that if you had a Mission Statement and it didn’t directly quote the Gospel imperative or another passage from the Gospel You’re doing it wrong (if you’re going to do it in the first place).

So today I found myself nodding-my-head in total agreement as I read this post by Diane Harris on Cleansing Fire. She provides examples of these statements from her diocese and they are representative of what I have seen. It is not that they are really awful or without any merit. Just that they look like statements from a committee without the urgency of the Gospels.

Now if you were going to have a personal Mission Statement what would it be?

I kind of like Catholic Answer’s Patrick Coffin’s tag line in this regard.

“Be a saint! What else is there?”

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HumorLink

Time Lord vs. Lord of Time

by Jeffrey Miller
written by Jeffrey Miller

What happens when LarryD of Acts of the Apostasy teams up with the B-Movie Catechism?

You get a hilarious intersection of the Sadducee’s challenge of the resurrection and Dr. Who.

So who is your favorite Doctor? Mine is the #2, St. Augustine. Although I like all of the Doctors, #9 St. Aquinas and #31 St. Teresa of Avila are among my favorites also.

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