Mar 302018
 

I so love this from St. John Chrysostom in today’s Office of Readings.

”If we wish to understand the power of Christ’s blood, we should go back to the ancient account of its prefiguration in Egypt. “Sacrifice a lamb without blemish”, commanded Moses, “and sprinkle its blood on your doors”. If we were to ask him what he meant, and how the blood of an irrational beast could possibly save men endowed with reason, his answer would be that the saving power lies not in the blood itself, but in the fact that it is a sign of the Lord’s blood. In those days, when the destroying angel saw the blood on the doors he did not dare to enter, so how much less will the devil approach now when he sees, not that figurative blood on the doors, but the true blood on the lips of believers, the doors of the temple of Christ.

If you desire further proof of the power of this blood, remember where it came from, how it ran down from the cross, flowing from the Master’s side. The gospel records that when Christ was dead, but still hung on the cross, a soldier came and pierced his side with a lance and immediately there poured out water and blood. Now the water was a symbol of baptism and the blood, of the holy eucharist. The soldier pierced the Lord’s side, he breached the wall of the sacred temple, and I have found the treasure and made it my own. So also with the lamb: the Jews sacrificed the victim and I have been saved by it.

“There flowed from his side water and blood”. Beloved, do not pass over this mystery without thought; it has yet another hidden meaning, which I will explain to you. I said that water and blood symbolized baptism and the holy eucharist. From these two sacraments the Church is born: from baptism, “the cleansing water that gives rebirth and renewal through the Holy Spirit”, and from the holy eucharist. Since the symbols of baptism and the Eucharist flowed from his side, it was from his side that Christ fashioned the Church, as he had fashioned Eve from the side of Adam Moses gives a hint of this when he tells the story of the first man and makes him exclaim: “Bone from my bones and flesh from my flesh!” As God then took a rib from Adam’s side to fashion a woman, so Christ has given us blood and water from his side to fashion the Church. God took the rib when Adam was in a deep sleep, and in the same way Christ gave us the blood and the water after his own death.

Do you understand, then, how Christ has united his bride to himself and what food he gives us all to eat? By one and the same food we are both brought into being and nourished. As a woman nourishes her child with her own blood and milk, so does Christ unceasingly nourish with his own blood those to whom he himself has given life.”

Jul 222015
 

Lamborghini

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Lamborghini?
My friends all rend babies, with parts so many.
Worked here all my lifetime, abortion debris.
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Lamborghini?

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a manual vacuum aspirator?
Less crunchy procedures so that I can make more.
I wait for delivery each day until four,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a manual vacuum aspirators?

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a ultrasound machine?
I’m counting on you, Lord, not crush organs unseen.
Prove that you love me and don’t make a scene,
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me an ultrasound machine?

Everybody!

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Lamborghini?
My friends all rend babies, with parts so many.
Worked here all my lifetime, abortion debris.
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Lamborghini?

That’s it!

(With apologies to Jani Joplin, Michael McClure, and Bob Neuwirth)

News story on 2nd Planned Parenthood video

Jul 182008
 

Dr. Paul Camarata of the SaintCast podcast has outdid himself in the 100th episode of the SaintCast.

Part Pirates of Penzance with what I think of as a touch of Groucho Marx.

Dr Paul and the Curt Jester

Here is a picture of me with Dr. Paul Camarata taken by Fr. Bill Kessler (the Technopriest). Dr. Paul is the left. This was taken at the Catholic New Media Celebration where I was on a blogging panel with Amy Welborn and Mark Shea that was moderated by Lisa Hendley.

Feb 262008
 

Nick Alexander in reference to my song parody Samaritan Women wrote me with another telling of the story with a first draft of the lyrics.

Okay… this is a parody of "Somebody Told Me" from The Killers (which came out about a year or two ago). It’s told from the Samaritan Woman’s point of view, as she heads into the city, telling others what had just happened. Enjoy.

That’s When He Told Me (parody of Somebody Told Me by The Killers)

I just came back–got a tale to tell
I just came back from the Samar’tan township well…
I’m not on crack, got nothing to sell
There at that place, I had seen this dude
Looked at His face, saw that He was a Jew…

Did He not know what was plain in view
That I couldn’t talk with that man, a Jew…
"
Give me a drink, give me a drink" he cried.
I looked at him and wondered "Who’s this guy?"

That’s when he told me
That I had five husbands
–the guy that I lived with
was not real-ly my husband. Hey, look there
You pray on that mountain
You should have a fountain…

What He had said, made me want to run
Where did he get the skinny on what I had done?
As you can guess, it was just no fun.
I had tried to steer the subject far from this.
So I pointed out that he had nothing to draw with…

But as I tried to steer the gabbing far from this.
Whatever I had lobbed at Him, He would hit
Could this be Christ, could this be Christ–the proooof?
Time that I worship in Spirit and in Truth…

That’s when he told me
That I had five husbands
–the guy that I lived with
was not real-ly my husband. Hey, look there
You pray on that mountain
You should have a fountain
that’s welling up, welling up…

He said "I am He,
Messi-ah, who’s coming."
And He’s still at the well right now
O how you oughta know this guy…

[x3]
Coz that’s what he told me
That I had five husbands
–the guy that I lived with
was not real-ly my husband. Hey, look there
You pray on that mountain
You should have a fountain
that’s welling up, welling up …
insi-i-ide.

YouTube version with The Killers here.

Well I must say Nick that I am in awe of your ability and would love to see this on a future CD of yours.

Nick asked me to plug the Top Catholic Songs website where you can listen to, vote, and download Catholic music.

For those who don’t know who Nick Alexander is, he is described as the Catholic "Weird Al" and I would agree with that definition. As a long time Dr. Demento fan who heard ‘Weird Al” Yankovic on Dr. Demento’s show when he sent him a tape as a teenager I would say Nick Alexander is equally talented.

You can listen to/download his music here.

Feb 242008
 

Because of he Gospel reading today and since it has been a while since I have done a song parody – here is one based on the classic Guess Who song.

Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman, she gonna give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Say S,
Say A,
Say M,
Say A,
Say R,
A,
Say T,
A,
N,
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink

Samaritan woman, you want living water
Samaritan woman, this you would prefer
Please come hangin’ around the well
and give me a drink that would be swell
If you drink this water you will thirst again
I got living water swelling up in my reign
Now woman, I said come and pray,
Samaritan woman, listen what I say.

Samaritan woman, call your husband here
Samaritan woman, your right no hubby there
Yeah your perceivin’ I’m a prophet
I tell you I
who speak to you am he
So the woman left the water jar
and said "Can this be Christ" and walked afar
Prophetic insights can hypnotize
especially in an incarnational guise
Now woman, I said get some water
Samaritan woman, listen what I say.

Samaritan woman, said get me water
Samaritan woman, listen what I say
Don’t come hangin’ around the well
Time for you to preach the Gospel
I don’t need your jar routines
You worship what you have not seen
Prophetic insights can hypnotize
especially in an incarnational guise
Now woman, get water for me
Samaritan woman, my mama is Mary

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
To Gal Gal Galilee
Gonna leave you, woman
Gonna leave you, woman
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
My food is to do the will of him
I’m so good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna assend
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna assend
You know I’m gonna go, woman
I’m gonna leave, woman
Goodbye, Samaritan woman

Now in reality I really wish that Nick Alexander would do a parody along these lines and he could come up with much better lyrics.

Nov 132006
 

Imagine there’s no Religion
Something I would ban
Those hateful lemmings
homophobia plan
Imagine fall the steeple
Tolerance today

Ban organized religion
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
Ignore Stalin’s debut
Imagine all the people
Living selfishly

You may say that I’m a schemer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday we’ll ban you
And the world will be as one

Imagine no restrictions
I wonder if you can
No need Commandments
Utopia for a gay man
Imagine all the believers
Closeted religion world

You may say that I’m a schemer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday we’ll ban you
And the world will be as one

May 132005
 

Another great song parody by treefrog
at Thumos
.
This one is called My Congregation and is based on a classic song by The Who. Now I happen to be a Who fan (Quadrophenia being one of my all time favorite recordings) and so I decided to reply in kind with my own song parody.

Won’t get fooled again

We’ll be populating the streets
With many children at our feet
And with morals they will worship and be drawn
And the priests who spurred us on
Open to life, we are strong
World-wide culture of life is our song

I’ll tip my hat to the Dogmatic Constitution
Translated in Latin as Lumen Gentium
People of God change the world all around
Pick up my Rosary and pray
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again

The change, it had to come
Vatican II wasn’t wrong
It was misrepresented all told, that’s all
And the Church is just the same
And teachings can’t be changed
‘Cause the Spirit, protects it from Hell’s door

I’ll tip my hat to the Dogmatic Constitution
Translated in Latin as Lumen Gentium
People of God change the world all around
Pick up my Rosary and pray
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again
No, no!

I’ll move myself and my family aside
Culture of death don’t want us alive
I’ll will meditate and Christ not deny
Though I know that the catechized never lie
Do ya?

There’s no zing in deceit
Heresy not any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And Progressives on the left
Are now Rad Trads on the right
And dissent from both sides just ain’t right

I’ll tip my hat to the Dogmatic Constitution
Translated in Latin as Lumen Gentium
People of God change the world all around
Pick up my Rosary and pray
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again
No, no!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Meet the new dross
Same as the dross

Feb 102004
 

The Three Wise Men who brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to the infant Jesus may not have been particularly wise and could have been women, the Church of England has ruled.

A committee revising new short prayers, or “collects”, for the Church’s latest prayer book, Common Worship, said the term “magi” was a transliteration of the name of officials at the Persian court and the possibility that they were female could not be dismissed.

The General Synod approved the new prayers yesterday at the opening of its week-long meeting in London but some members privately complained that the Church was becoming obsessed with politically correct language.
[Full Story]

What if one of the three wise personages was a women. Well you know how long it takes some women to get ready to go out, especially for a really long trip. I can easily imagine the other wise men getting frustrated waiting around for her to get ready. So here is a parody based on Rod Stewart’s Maggie May.

Wake up magi I think I got something to say to you
It’s late December and we should follow the star this yule
This walking can’t be excused and seeking wisdom not refused
Oh magi we really need to leave by four
To tour far away from home to a manger we all were shown
We must now depart and it’s time to hit the dirt

The morning sun when it’s in your face really shows your age
But stop putting on makeup we need to find the new born king
We’ll see King Herod along the way, you know he will ask us to stay
Oh magi we really need to leave by four
You need to get away from home, to find the one that will atone
He’ll save our soul and that is what it is all about

We must leave now to walk across the burning sand
But we need to discover what a lover God is and to him we shout
Please get up now from the bed
And in the morning we all must fled
Oh magi we really need to get out the door
You need to get away from home, to find the one that will atone
He’ll save our soul and that is what it is all about

The road is waiting and it is time to find the king that will rule
We need to follow that star in the sky shining like a diamond jewel
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh we must pass to the divine hand
Oh magi it is time to really set the pace
We must honor the child of Mary from Galilee
The baby in swaddling clothes we all must see
We need to get going because it is far away

Relatedly, in December of 2002 a Church of England bishop said that Jesus’ family were asylum seekers and the three Wise Men were part of an assassination plot.
[Full Story]

At that time I had posted:

Did Herod the Great contract out a hit to three foreigners for plausible
deniability? How did this assassination go awry? Did King herod say “Go and
murder him” and they thought he said “Gold and myrrh to him”?, frankly that
makes sense.

Oct 142003
 

This is from a presentation given at the OSU Newman Foundation by George Dennis O’Brien.

O’Brien believes that by knowing what came before the university system there can be a better understanding of where religion fits into the system.

“Before universities there were monastic schools,” O’Brien said, “Benedictine monks spent time learning the work of God, which entailed reading scripture.”

O’Brien concluded his presentation by comparing the faith of the Benedictine monks to the once popular music group Nirvana.

Neither the monks nor rock music are easily understood, their words become a mystery, O’Brien said.
[Full Story]

And I thought I made strange comparisons on my blog. But since he started it, what would have happened if Curt Cobain had found Benedictine spirituality instead of the dead end of drugs. So here is a song parody based on Nirvana’s “All Apologies”

In Monastery

Where else should I be
In Monastery
What else should I say
Everyone should pray
What else could I write
Jesus is the light
Where else should I be
In Monastery

In the Son
In the Son I feel as one
In the Son
In the Son
Contemplative
Active

Work and Pray today
ora et labora
We must be the salt
Everything is my fault
I’ll take all the blame
Benedictine shame
Benedict and Scholastica
Brother and Sister in Awe

Dust from dust is all we are
(repeat and fade)

Here is another Nirvana parody I did a year ago called “Smells like Vatican II Spirit