Humor

OAKLAND — Houses of worship are turning to a new marketing tool in an effort to build church membership and give congregations a way to express their beliefs.

Avunda Ambers, a 39-year-old entrepreneur, has been busy selling "Faith Frames" — attractive plastic bordering for vehicle license plates. The name of a church appears across the bottom, and the motorist can select a few spiritual words for the top of the frame, such as "Jesus Saves Souls."

The frames come in various colors with bold lettering in chrome or brass.

Personalized frames are not new. Colleges sell alumni frames and Oakland Raiders fans often have Raider Nation frames on their vehicles.

Now, Ambers and pastors are tapping into church members who are equally passionate.

"I think it’s a great way to spread the good news about churches," said the Rev. John Cooper of Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church. "We can win souls."

Anita Ray, who attends services at First Morning Star Baptist Church, sees a fair amount of traffic as a bus driver for AC Transit. "(Faith Frames) get your attention. It makes you aware of churches, and that’s really needed today." [Source]

Here are some Faith Frames that I would like to see.

The Pope has now officially appointed Archbishop William J. Levada of San Francisco to be the Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith so the rumor mill was correct. When I first heard the rumor I had thought "Can any good thing come out of Portland and San Francisco?" and then realized I don’t want to make the same mistake that Nathanael did. Maybe a Bishop who has had experience in dioceses not exactly brimming with orthodoxy is good experience for a head of the CDF. He certainly will not be bringing rose colored glasses with him to the job. So please pray for Archbishop Levada in his new role as a guardian of the Church’s doctrine. We should all be junior members of the CDF in this role.

Dom had a good post the other day on the some of the griping about, at the time, the possible appointment of Archbishop Levada and asked "If St. Peter himself came down from heaven to take up his office again, would we be happy with his curial appointments?"

I can almost imagine some posts if there had been blogs 2000 years ago about St. Peter becoming the first Pope.

First we had Cardinal Ratzinger’s old car sell for about a quarter of a million dollars and now Pope John Paul II’s car is for sale.

I just wonder how much Mary’s Fiat would go for?

I also posted about Bernadette Subaru before.

Jimmy Akin previously posted that VW was going to build the next popemobile which will be a pickup like vehicle. A papal pickup would be cool if it included a monstrance rack.

My latest parody piece about the Tith-O-Matic is up at Spero News.

A reader alerted me to the National Organization of Women (NOW) Mother’s Day gift ideas. Under jewelry they suggested this product.

Whoever selected this item has a severe irony impairment. Can you even imagine somebody giving this to their mother? We are certainly glad that we were wanted and not born at an inconvenient time in your career path mom! Maybe this is the perfect gift from children who don’t want any younger siblings to compete against.

Now of course what is a charm bracelet without additional charms you can put on it. How about:

Charms with dates of when a child was aborted.

Precious feet

Anti-Mom charm

To signify the increased risk drug and alcohol abuse for those who are post-abortive.

To signify increased risk for breast cancer and psychological problems.

To represent symptoms of bouts of crying, depression, intense grief/sadness, and emotional numbness

This post is definitely in jest of NOW’s just plain sick Mother’s Day ideas, but post-abortion trauma itself is no laughing matter. After Abortion links to good resources such as Rachel’s Vineyard for those men and women who are suffering from post-abortion trauma.

A commenter linked to this Methodist church website which has got to have the most ridiculous logo I have ever seen. A clown with arms outstretched in a fructified position is just too silly. I wonder if they require their congregation to have a circuscision prior to becoming members?

We are a welcoming all-inclusive congregation that….

Now even being inclusive is not enough it has to be all-inclusive. There is a liturgical dance group, Shehkinah (“The feminine face of God”) Spiral women’s discussion group, and the Busy Bees who make the "famous Clown Dolls." Of course as Catholics we can’t laugh too hard because at least their pastor is not dressed in a clown suit. Though happily clown Masses seem to be on the downswing.

It does remind me of what I call Tharp’s law. Fr. Shane Tharp from Catholic Ragemonkey left this in another post.

"For every one good Jesuit you encounter there are at least two celebrating a Clown Mass somewhere."

A 40-foot perimeter fence was discovered missing at Ghar Hasan yesterday, in yet another case of vandalism.

The fence was erected after a large piece of the rock-face crashed into the sea last November, brought down by the pounding waves. Workers from the Resources and Infrastructure Ministry were putting a new fence in place yesterday as a precautionary measure. [Source]

I just want to know how to you get rid of a stolen fence? Do you have to find a fence to buy your fence. This could be really confusing for the criminals involved. ‘Now that we got this we need a fence. But we already have a fence. No I mean a fence to sell the fence. You mean we need a fence fence?"

Update: Via Open Book today at Castle Gandolfo.

I am convinced that if we passed out blessed balloons on Ascension Thursday that Mass attendance would be equal to the non-Holy Day of Obligation Ash Wednesday. Or possibly even Holy Water balloons as a new method of aspersion.

The priest would recite:

But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Sama’ria and to the end of the earth." And when he had said this, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight.
And while they were gazing into heaven as he went, behold, two men stood by them in white robes,[and said, "Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven."

And then we could all release our balloons on cue.

ELYRIA — A Vietnam Veteran who went to war for his country finds himself in another fight.

It’s over a sign the Veteran wants to put in his window. It’s a sign with the word “Jesus” on it.

Most of the homes at Twin Lakes Park are neat, with a minimum of ornamentation and no signs.

Property owner Bill Kriso wants to put a sign in the front window saying “Thank You Jesus for Our New Home.”

“If you would have put that sign up, you would be aggravating some people in the park," the park owner said.

Regulations for the park say no “for sale” signs, but say nothing about signs of any other kind.

At Twin Lakes, it’s apparently okay to have a Happy Mother’s Day banner in your front door window, or an Ohio State logo in your front window … it’s just not okay to have a sign that says “Thank You Jesus.”

Bill and his wife prayed for a quiet place they could afford. Bill is a totally disabled Vietnam vet with a plate in his head and bullets in his gut.

“We’re just so thrilled and so happy that the Lord gave us the gift of the house we’ve been looking for,” Kriso said.

Stories like this are always so odd. That this could in any way be controversial.

Now I want to know how did Jesus get him the house? I didn’t even know Jesus was involved in real estate, well besides creating it all. If he was a real estate agent it certainly would give new meaning to the great commission. Though having Jesus as a real estate agent would be pretty cool. He wouldn’t have to mess with those oversized locks they put on the doors and with his glorified body could go through the wall and let you in through the back door. With omniscience you wouldn’t even need a home inspector – he could tell you everything that is wrong. Plus if you needed substantiative renovation he could destroy the house and rebuild it in three days! He could even tell you if interest rates were going to rise or fall in the near term (or long term for that matter) His business card could say "Specializing in real estate and the Real Presence."

Speaking of real estate I have been noticing a trend lately of seeing a specific type of sign offering to buy your house. I would like to see this idea of buying ugly houses expanded to other types of buildings. In fact here is one sign that I would like to see in front of the new L.A. Cathedral.

Some people have been wondering whatever happened to Sister Mary Biko, PhD? Well she is back with a progressive roundup.