From: Conference of the School of Prophets
To: John the Baptist
Dear John,
Having heard your preaching on the topic of marriage worthiness and other issues, we request that further dialog with Herod Antipas be postponed until we can all meet together in person. The serious nature of these issues – especially the imperative to forge substantive unity – makes it impossible to address them productively in the fractured and isolated current setting. The high standard of consensus among ourselves, the Pharisees, Sadducees, Essenes, and others is far from being achieved in the present moment. We are concerned that your weaponizing marriage does not follow sound theological and pastoral advice or create a new path for moving forward.
We take this opportunity to re-envision the best collegial structure for achieving that. We are concerned that you have lost your head and are acting rashly. We consider this a breach of rules and customs with this lack of collegial consultation before addressing governing bodies and tetrarchs. We look forward to dialoguing on “Marriage Coherence” and assure you of our prayerful and fraternal best wishes.
Signed, Blaise bar Cupich
Humor
Sometimes at Mass, the Eucharist gets caught in one of my teeth.
So of course I have pondered the cons and pros of this.
On the pro side: Since the Eucharist will end up being more slowly digested it is with me longer. Today I thought of this being a Toothernacle.
Con, it just doesn’t seem quite appropriate for me. So I try to dislodge it away with my tongue. Sometimes it seems quite stuck and I would be tempted to use a toothpick. Yet I do not want to become like Longinus.

I was sure this was a joke when I saw this:
“The Blessed Mother™ V2 births a classic OD sound with power from the Most High. Her supernatural combination of germanium and silicon diodes generates a uniquely raw, yet velvety tone. She features an adjustable transparency function: The Immaculator. This lets you preserve or purify the sound’s original grit to your liking.”
“The Mother is a splendid first stage OD or clean boost. She plays well with others, is true bypass, and has a powerful treble and bass control range. She takes 9v or 18v DC. And yes, her halo and heart light up…cuz God’s mom deserves it.”
Turns out that Heather Brown use to work with others building boutique guitar pedals and designed and built this one on her own. Apparently, this pedal has been selling for several years and there are lots of five-star reviews.
Sold on the site godsmom.com
I use the Line 6 Helix for guitar effects, but I bought this because how could I resist?
Besides, based on the seller’s page this seems to be made more as a tribute to the BVM and is not intended to mock.
I am going through a phase where I do not feel close to Jesus at all.
Yet I am super-interested in philosophy, theology, liturgy, etc.
I guess I am going through a Dork Night of the Soul.
My joke has a grain of truth as far as it goes. I have never had a pietistic emotional attachment to Jesus. More of an intellectual attachment to Christ. One that only grows in my certitude. I would like it if my emotions lined up with my intellect (such as it is), but still am filled with thankfulness and gratitude to where he has brought me so far. So being too abstract intellectually is a cross for me, especially as I read the various Carmelite saints.
Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen is offering “insurance” for its flounder sandwich. If the flounder doesn’t suit customers’ palates, then they can replace it with chicken. The Cajun-seasoned flounder filet, which will be a contestant on our upcoming fish sandwich review, is expected to be a staple of the Popeyes menu for the six weeks leading up to Easter.
The insurance option is only available on Thursday, February 18 (and only when purchased through the Popeyes app). The idea is that those who are going meatless on Friday can test out the flounder on Thursday. Since no one would want a fish sandwich replaced with chicken on an abstinence day, they are only offering the promotion for one day. The insurance costs 15 cents, which should still keep the sandwich under $5.
More proof that Popeyes is pronounced “Pope Yes”
“It may seem a singular observation to say that we are not generous enough to write great satire. This, however, is approximately a very accurate way of describing the case. To write great satire, to attack a man so that he feels the attack and half acknowledges its justice, it is necessary to have a certain intellectual magnanimity which realizes the merits of the opponent as well as his defects. This is, indeed, only another way of putting the simple truth that in order to attack an army we must know not only its weak points, but also its strong points. England in the present season and spirit fails in satire for the same simple reason that it fails in war: it despises the enemy.”
(Pope and the Art of Satire – Twelve Types 1903)
This is quintessential Chesterton who indeed lived this intellectual magnanimity. What we now most often have is just pure snark delivered in a point-scoring manner.
Reading Chesterton for me is like a daily examen of conscience.
From the same essay:
“Have we really learnt to think more broadly? Or have we only learnt to spread our thoughts thinner?”
So on Twitter there started a series of jokes with the pattern “I have a … joke, but ..” with a related ending.
Catholic Twitter picked up on this with their own take.
So this was my first set.
- I have a Carmelite joke, but I am not attached to it.
- I have a Franciscan joke, but it is rather poor.
- I have a Dominican joke, but it is for the dogs.
- I have a Jesuit joke, but it can’t be said in dissent company.
- I have a Benedictine joke, but it’s poisonous.
- I have a Trappist joke, but I can’t speak of it.
- I have a Paulist joke, I will tell it if you press me.
- I have a Salesians joke, I kid you not.
- I have a Missionaries of Charity joke, but you will be sari to hear it.
Then later a couple more.
- I had a joke about a plenary indulgence, but nobody got it.
- I had a joke about receiving Communion, but my Bishop disallowed it because it was tongue-in-cheek.
A quick sampling of others I found:
- I have a good Dante joke but you have to go through hell to get to punchline. Jenna @JennaSaisQuoi87
- I have a killer memento mori joke. Sr. Theresa Aletheia
- I have an Aquinas joke and five responses to that joke and Aquinas’ response to each of those responses @Japesentner
- I have a joke about abortionists, but it will suck the life out of you… Obianuju Ekeocha@obianuju
- I have a joke about Pentecostalism but you can’t understand it. @becominghinged
- I have a St. Stephen joke, but I have to be stoned to tell it. @EyeOfTheTiber
- i have a joke about St. Peter in chains, but it escapes me @DenverGregg
- I have a joke about accidents, but you wouldn’t understand the substance. @ShamelessPapist
- I have a joke about apostolic succession but the sedevacantists tell me it peters out. @DawnofMercy
- I have a joke about eternity but I can’t tell it to you because it has no beginning and no end. @DawnofMercy
- I have a joke about the GIRM but most people probably wouldn’t follow it. @CantareAmantis
- I have a good Tolkien joke but I’m going to spend the rest of my life expanding on and revising it and my son will have it published after my death. @TeawithTolkien
I learned of this joke format via Deacon Greydanus on Facebook and these were his contributions.
I have a joke about St. Jerome but it’s vulgar.
I have a joke about Donald Glover but it’s childish.
I have a joke about St. Francis but it’s for the birds.
I have a joke about Longinus and his companions, but it’s dicey.
I have a joke about St. Francis de Sales but it’s controversial.
I have a joke about Magritte’s pipe. This isn’t it.*
I posted a joke yesterday about St. Augustine but I had to retract it.
I have a joke about Johann Reuchlin but it’s too obscure.**
I have a Baudrillard joke but it’s not original.*
* Updated! This joke is now true as well as funny.
Man, is it ever
*** Not in fact true