Ha! Via Romish Internet Graffiti and Cleansing Fire
Speaking of referees, here something I did some time back.
Have you ever been a Sunday morning quarterback during Mass where you critique and liturgical abuses or experimental oddities that you have observed. You just wish at times that somebody would step in and do something about what your are observing.Well we have some good news for you! Francis Cardinal Arinze the Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments has introduced a new program that will surely have an effect.
The recently created position of Liturgical Referee has been instituted to help to bring uniformity to the celebration of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Liturgical Referees will travel around the world randomly attending Masses. Liturgical Referees will stand, mostly quietly, to the side of the sanctuary during Mass and call out signals if he observes any liturgical penalties according to the GIRM and other liturgical documents. Only in the case of penalties that would make the Mass itself invalid will the Liturgical Referee blow his whistle and when necessary call for any replays to correct any mistake made. Penalty markers may be thrown during the Mass to alert the celebrant to any problems that might need immediate correction.
Liturgical Referee in action
After Mass any penalties will be reviewed with the celebrant and more serious penalties will be taken to the local ordinary for determination for any fines or whether the celebrant just needs to get back to the liturgical playbook (GIRM) and/or to review films of properly celebrated Masses. In the case of penalty free liturgies the Liturgical Referee will thank the celebrant and be given the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments seal of approval.
The Liturgical Referee’s has responsibility in enforcing the liturgical rules and maintaining the order of the liturgy. During the liturgy please do not yell out or insult the Liturgical Referee. We assure you he is not blind and is doing his job to the best of his abilities and whether you feel he has missed a liturgical abuse or that he is being too hard on your pastor we ask that you act charitably on his calls.
Applicants for Liturgical Referee should be well versed in Canon Law as applies to the liturgy, the GIRM and other liturgical documents, and a familiarity with any indults and permissions as set by the local bishop’s conference and the local ordinary. The applicant should also be physically fit so that he will be able to make all off the signals that might be required at a more experimental celebration of the liturgy. Applicants should be familiar with the following liturgical signals.
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Example Liturgical Signals
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No Crucifix in sanctuary. |
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Liturgical dance detected. |
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Member of laity giving homily – to be evicted from lectern. |
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Incomplete or no consecration. Occurs when illicit matter is used, wrong formula used, only one of the two elements of bread or wine is not properly consecrated, or no validly ordained male priest/bishop is present. In case where only one element is consecrated a replay is called for. |
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Illegal use of hands. Normally called when the celebrant has left the sanctuary to shake everybody’s hands. |
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Questionable or just downright heretical theology used in homily. When detected the Liturgical Ref pulls on his lips in a downward direction. |
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The "What the heck am my hearing" signal is one of the most common signals and indicates syrupy banal liturgical music or the inappropriate use of secular music such as show tunes and popular music (especially from the seventies). |
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Disregarding the prescribed text of the Order of Mass. This is another common liturgical penalty despite the fact that no other person, even if he be a priest, may add, remove, or change anything in the liturgy on his own authority. (Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy) |
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Illicit Posture. Usually called when you are being asked to stand instead of kneel or any other poster adaptation not specified by the GIRM or set by your bishop’s conference or licitly specified by your local ordinary. |
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Illicit purification of sacred vessels. This is called when the purification of the sacred vessels is done by an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion despite the fact the the Pope revoked the indult in the U.S. for this permission. |
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Illicit Participation. Called when too many people are in the sanctuary. For example occurs when EMHC arrive before the fraction rite or when some members of the congregation are invited into the sanctuary to pray with the priest during the consecration. |
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Un-Christian Like Conduct. Can be called when elements of other religions contrary to Christianity are introduced such as new age beliefs. Un-Christian Like Conduct is also often called in the parking lot after Mass. |
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Illegal Pass. The celebrant is simply not allowed to make a pass at anybody. |
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Stole Infraction. Normally occurs when the celebrant wears his stole on top of the chasuble. Another penalty can be added if the celebrant does this and the stole is also horrendously ugly or has an seventies themes. |
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Illegal Receiver of Holy Communion. Those who are excommunicated or interdicted after the imposition or declaration of the penalty and others who obstinately persist in manifest grave sin are not to be admitted to Holy Communion. |
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Clowns in the sanctuary – run for your life. |
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Excessive use of inclusive language. Penalty is thrown when grammatical awkwardness is detected in avoiding male pronouns and every other sentence begins brothers and sisters. |
With the presence of the Liturgical Referee you can leave liturgical abuse spotting to the experts and spend your time instead trying to enter the Mass in prayer.
In Jennifer Fulwiler post referenced in my first post below on this subject she wrote.
I’ll leave it to the Archbolds to come up with some witty suggestions for how one might celebrate A Week (watching reruns of NOVA and gathering ‘round a wreath that is decidedly symbolic of nothing, perhaps?).
Despite the fact that she referenced my comrades at Creative Minority Report instead of yours truly, I must throw in my reply to this question. CMR’s response is here.
1. First off while NOVA would be perfectly respectful for Atheist Pride week, I would place instead another show. “Cosmos” with one of atheists favorite atheists Carl Sagan. Though Carl Sagan didn’t like the term atheist and called himself more of an agnostic. Regardless atheists would canonize him just for his phrase “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence” which has so often been used by atheists.
2. Replay the following Steve Martin video each day of Atheist Pride Week. “Atheists Don’t Have No Songs”
Now while I am a fan of Steve Martin and think his Twitter feed consistently funny I would object to the contention “Atheists Don’t Have No Songs”. What about the Atheist Anthem written by John Lennon “Imagine.” Really this should be sung before all atheist events with you hand over your forehead (brain instead of heart). Plus there are a plethora of nihilist songs riding the air waves.
3. Go to a famous art museum and explore the beauty of paintings of Grand Masters and statues created by atheists. Oh wait – they were pretty much all believers. Well instead go to a museum of Modern Art almost totally devoid of beauty.
4. Have an Atheist Pride Parade. You don’t have to organize one, just let millions of years pass and one will evolve.
5. Join an atheist book club and read Christopher Hitchens “God is not great” and discuss how religion poisons everything while wearing Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot t-shirts.
6. Petition your local city council to be able to have a primordial swamp placed next to the Christmas Nativity scenes and Menorahs in the city park.
7. Have a Flying Spaghetti Monster Dinner Fundraiser for local atheist groups. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is such an excellent idea as an argument and have converted thousands of Christians to atheism. Well maybe only a thousand Christians, or perhaps a hundred, or maybe a couple though this was a well though out argument. Mockery always works to convince people.
8. Argue with believers about why there is no such thing as free will in a materially deterministic world. Because getting people to change their will and accept that there is no free will involves no contradictions whatsoever.
9. Go door to door in your neighborhood convincing others to become atheists. After all the joy that when you die that’s it and that good and evil are only society changing terms should get them to repent of belief in ultimate truth. Plus religion is an opiate that must be stopped, oh and afterwards you can get back to your drug legalization campaign.
10. Let people know that atheists can be good people. Just because we can’t define what good is and that again it is relativistic and defined by societal mores and getting along. Atheist can be good people even if atheist have to rely on a Christian’s definition of good.
11. Troll a Catholic blog because angry atheists full of venom always works in persuading Catholic bloggers about the truth of atheism. For myself I find getting cussed out by an atheist wants me to immediately reject the idea of a loving God.
With the recent intersection of technology and confession with the confession app, I was thinking of a different technology parallel.
“Inbox Zero” is an idea developed by Merlin Mann of 43Folders.com and looks at the skills, tools, and attitude needed to empty your email inbox. So the term of Inbox Zero has become rather well known as a goal many people have. Many people struggle with responding and managing their email.
People also struggle with sin and when you don’t deal with it, it builds up and up and soon goes out of control. A nightly examination of conscience is a good way to keep track of your spiritual life and to make sure that it does not become cluttered with sin. But how do you clear away the sins?
Sinbox Zero
Yes going to confession and confession all of yours sins after a good examination of conscience is the perfect way to get your sins down to zero and to receive the grace to help you to keep it that way.
Now if only temptations could be handled like a good spam folder where temptations are trashed before they get to you. But then again, confession and growing in holiness does enable a temptation filter that improves efficiency from a life of living the sacraments.
Irondale, AL (EWTN) – EWTN Global Catholic Network has signed a letter of intent to acquire the National Catholic Register, the nation’s leading Catholic newspaper.
“I am very pleased and excited that the Register will now be a part of the EWTN family,” said Michael P. Warsaw, the Network’s president and chief executive officer. “All of us at EWTN have great respect for the Register and the role it has played throughout its history. It’s a tremendous legacy that deserves to not only be preserved, but also to grow and to flourish.”
“I believe that EWTN will be able to provide the stability that the Register needs at this time as well as to give it a platform for its growth in the years ahead. We’re proud to be able to step in and carry on both the Register’s name and its tradition of faithful Catholic reporting on the issues of the day,” noted Warsaw.
Maybe if we send more money between the “gas and electric bill” we can get them to buy up the National Catholic Reporter also – even if to scrap it. Oh to dream. But how cool would it be if an orthodox group could buy out the NCReporter? Wow there subscribers would freak out.
If I was wealthy enough to buy it, I would certainly have fun with it. Though I would slowly work with the subscriber base. Like a nicotine patch I would slowly introduce orthodox doctrine and opinion. A small drip of radical ideas like obedience to the teaching magisterium of the Church. Small changes like showing the Pope in a positive light.
I wouldn’t have to fire John Allen, Jr – but the rest of the staff would be pretty hard to keep on. I would have to write all new columns, but until they were comfortable I would have for example a “Joan Chiittiister” – nobody would hardly notice the last name was spelled different. Over time this columnist could introduce ideas like the habit is a good thing and that there was a reason Jesus only choose men for the priesthood and we can’t change it. Again it would have to be a real slow change or the dissidents would go into convulsions at the idea. Maybe a Michael Sean Joe Bob Winters whose angry tone would mellow over time and actually exposes the idea that being pro-life and supporting pro-aborts is non-sensical. Maybe a Bishop Gumblehalfaton could bit by bit introduce such concepts that social justice includes saving the unborn. One writer could drip-by-drip introduce concepts like maybe Bishop Olmsted was absolutely right in his decision regarding St. Joseph’s hospital.
This would really be a tough job since my goal is always to bring more people to the truth, not just cast them out because of their dissident ideas. Brining that group to orthodoxy would need the help of a platoon of contemplative nuns.
One a side note I was thinking about the Bearded Spock universe and wondering if there is a universe where the National Catholic Reporter is called Ultra-Montanists by their distractors. A universe where Hans Kung supports papal infallibility and Joseph Ratzinger supports woman’s ordination. In this universe you could go to a Jesuit University and actually be taught the faith. But I guess I would be a dissident in that universe so I don’t want to dwell on this idea other than to apologize for any of my dissident-selves in the multiverse.
Recently I received this bit of spam.
Hello.
My Name. is Remis I was impressed when i saw your profile at wdtprs.com and l will like you to email me back to my inbox so that i can send you my picture for you to know who i am .i believe we can establish a long lasting relation ship with you.for more introduction.Thanks,waiting to hear from you soonest.
Remis
Spammers using Father Z’s website to phish Catholics? Taking Phishers of Men a bit far. I put Father Z off the hook for this since he is no spam king and besides he would never let an email with such bad English and punctuation go out. If I ever started to get liturgically related spam in Latin though I might change my mind.
Much has been commented on this tweet by a Bill’s wide receiver who dropped a game winning ball.
Well I think Saint Teresa of Avila put it much more succinctly.
“Lord, if this is the way you treat your friends, it’s no wonder you have so few!”
Being that this is the first week of Advent I thought it might be useful to give some information about this season. Advent is a shortened form of the the word Advertisement, of course you probably already knew that. This time of year we get blasted by advertisements day and night to buy gifts and to attend sales. There are some groups that contend that Advertisement actually starts on Black Friday and that this is in fact the first day of the Celebration that merchandiser consider Good Friday. During the season of Advertisement we are suppose to be of good cheer for some amorphous reason that is never quite mentioned. Rumor has it that it all leads up to the event of some child born a while ago that takes place on Christmas Day. Who this child was is not important just that we should know that the season is all about family and buying stuff. During Advertisement people say Happy Holiday’s to each other. The reason for this is that during this time Malls decorate with lots of Holly so people have considered this to be Holly days. There are also other joyful greetings like Season Greetings and 40 percent off. People spend time in thanks that they have not yet exceeded their credit limit and they might forget that they have a Savior, but they will remember the savings. During the season of Advertisement the days are still 24 hours but are measured in shopping days instead. It is also a tradition for this season to be some what penitential. Penances such as having to park in overflow parking two miles away from the mall are common. After Christmas comes Advertisementide. This is the ad season of after Christmas sales and even more discounts. Later on in the shopping season comes the season of Lent. This is because you have to get money lent to you to pay off your shopping bills.
There are also some customs associated with Advertisement such as the Advertisement Wreath. Each week you take all of your junk mail and roll it up and tighten it with a rubber band and place it in your Advertisement Wreath. The third week it is traditional to use advertisements from red tag sales. You can also make or order a Advertisement Calendar, though most calendars come advertisements this is a special edition where you mark off shopping days so you know when to panic when you haven’t got everything on your list. So relax and have a happy Advertisement for whatever reason we are suppose to be sellebrating.
* Originally Posted 11/27/2005
I had the idea for an editorial cartoon that I thought would be pretty good, pretty good that is if I had any talent for drawing at all. Luckily for me Paul Nichols at CatholicCartoonBlog.com was able to take my idea to fruition and not only that expand on my idea to make it even better.
Thank Paul.