There is the recent news story about the Sacramento priest who showed up a a baptism drunk.
He was subsequently suspended while the diocese looks into what happened. I think it was all a terrible misunderstanding. I imagine this is what really happened.
Church Secretary: Father, will you be available Saturday to come in to dunk.
Father: Well, okay.
Just a simple misunderstanding and maybe time for a hearing test.
In a rather un-Godly call for vengeance, the Franciscan priests at the church in Florence are praying that a dose of “the runs” will convince the unidentified pilferer of the error of his ways.
“We pray that the Good Lord will visit a strong bout of the trots on this thief and that this will help to convince him not to commit any more thefts,” reads a sign put up by clergy at the Basilica of San Salvatore al Monte, a hilltop church which commands views of the Renaissance city.
The notice said that in addition to praying for a sudden loosening of the bowels, the priests were also hoping that the thief will repent of his crime and return the stolen holy books.
Well this is not without Biblical precedence:
When the Philistines captured the ark of God, they carried it from Ebene’zer to Ashdod; then the Philistines took the ark of God and brought it into the house of Dagon and set it up beside Dagon. And when the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, behold, Dagon had fallen face downward on the ground before the ark of the LORD. So they took Dagon and put him back in his place. But when they rose early on the next morning, behold, Dagon had fallen face downward on the ground before the ark of the LORD, and the head of Dagon and both his hands were lying cut off upon the threshold; only the trunk of Dagon was left to him. This is why the priests of Dagon and all who enter the house of Dagon do not tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod to this day. The hand of the LORD was heavy upon the people of Ashdod, and he terrified and afflicted them with tumors, both Ashdod and its territory. And when the men of Ashdod saw how things were, they said, “The ark of the God of Israel must not remain with us; for his hand is heavy upon us and upon Dagon our god.” So they sent and gathered together all the lords of the Philistines, and said, “What shall we do with the ark of the God of Israel?” They answered, “Let the ark of the God of Israel be brought around to Gath.” So they brought the ark of the God of Israel there. But after they had brought it around, the hand of the LORD was against the city, causing a very great panic, and he afflicted the men of the city, both young and old, so that tumors broke out upon them. — Samuel 1 5:1-7:2
The word tumor is what the RSV translates the Hebrew word טחוריםd (tĕchor). The KJV translates it as “emerods” which means hemorrhoids which seems to be the more precise meaning. Now there is also a question of relative punishment. Hemorrhoids for offenses against the Ark of the Covenant is the Biblical example. So is diarrhea for stealing a Bible appropriate?
Personally I think asking for St. Dismas intercession to be more appropriate.
[Via Acts of the Apostasy]
Pope Benedict has announced he will proclaim St. John of Avila Doctor of the Universal church. His announcement came on Saturday at a Mass for young seminarians in the cathedral of Santa María la Real de La Almudena in Madrid. Emer McCarthy reports from the Spanish capital:
On Saturday, to the joy of Spaniards, priests and Catholics around the world Pope Benedict XVI declared he would make St John of Avila a Doctor of the Universal Church.
Madrid’s neo-gothic cathedral of Santa María la Real de La Almudena filled with the voices of young men raised in prayer Saturday morning, the future pastors of the Spanish Church. “Looking at you”, – Pope Benedict told them, – “I again see proof of how Christ continues to call young disciples and to make them his apostles, thus keeping alive the mission of the Church and the offer of the Gospel to the world”.
The Mass with the young seminarians, was the Pope’s second appointment of the day. Earlier in the morning, as the sun rose over the city, he had travelled to the vast park in the very heart of the capital, the Jardines del Buen Retiro. There since midweek priests – from all over the world – have been on hand to offer the Sacrament of Reconciliation to pilgrims. 200 open-air white wooden confessionals line the park, and there on Saturday morning – for the first time ever during WYD events – Pope Benedict joined the confessors to administer the Sacrament to four young pilgrims- two French speaking, one German speaking and one Spanish speaking.
Later, in his homily in Almudena cathedral, he returned to the role of the priest as minister of God’s forgiveness: “Ask him to let you imitate him in his perfect charity towards all, so that you do not shun the excluded and sinners, but help them convert and return to the right path. Ask him to teach you how to be close to the sick and the poor in simplicity and generosity. Face this challenge without anxiety or mediocrity, but rather as a beautiful way of living our human life in gratuitousness and service, as witnesses of God made man, messengers of the supreme dignity of the human person and therefore its unconditional defenders”.Pope Benedict XVI also gave words of advice to the over 6,000 young men many of whom assisted in the celebration from the courtyard outside the Cathedral. He said their years in the seminary “should be years of interior silence, of unceasing prayer, of constant study and of gradual insertion into the pastoral activity and structures of the Church”.
He told them to model themselves on Christ, supreme pastor: “ Relying on his love, do not be intimidated by surroundings that would exclude God and in which power, wealth and pleasure are frequently the main criteria ruling people’s lives. You may be shunned along with others who propose higher goals or who unmask the false gods before whom many now bow down. That will be the moment when a life deeply rooted in Christ will clearly be seen as something new and it will powerfully attract those who truly search for God, truth and justice”.
“Approach the priesthood – Pope Benedict said – only if you are firmly convinced that God is calling you to be his ministers, and if you are completely determined to exercise it in obedience to the Church’s precepts”.Then to the joy of the young men before him and the priests and lay faithful around the world, Pope Benedict XVI announced he would shortly declare the great XVIth century preacher,St. John of Avila , doctor of the universal Church
There are currently 33 doctors of the Church, including St. Augustine, St. Francis de Sales and St. Teresa of Avila. St. Therese of Lisieux was the last to be proclaimed doctor of the Church in by Blessed John Paul II in 1997.
This makes me want to revise part of my Saintly Planning post since this is something I forgot to consider.
We are all called to be saints, but hey why not plan also to be a Doctor of the Church since this is so obviously way cool. So I am thinking of moving to Avila since apparently you have a much better chance of being named a Doctor of the Church if you are from there. Besides it has a much cooler ring to it. St. Jeff of Jacksonville not-so-much. St. Jeff of Avila – bingo.
As of today there are only 33 named Doctors of the Church out of so many thousands and thousands of saints. Certain saints have been named thus because of the great advantage the whole Church has derived from their doctrine. So first you need to plan to come up with some doctrine which will have “great advantage” for the whole Church. For example I believe Blessed John Paul II’s Theology of the Body will lead to him one day being proclaimed a Doctor of the Church after he is canonized. Though you don’t have to go all fancy-smancy doctrine-wise. Consider the fact that the Little Flower is a Doctor of the Church and the impact she made.
Now if you do decide to hope to be named a Doctor of the Church someday then you should also know that so far no martyr has been named a Doctor of the Church. The Church takes martyrdom seriously and dying for your faith is a pretty high calling and a witness to the Church. So martyrdom in some ways trumps being named a Doctor of the Church. This is not a hard and fast rule though and the situation could change. For example many consider Saint Teresia Benedicta of the Cross a perfect candidate for being named a Doctor of the Church. Her writings certainly fit the classification.
That reminds me of another consideration if you want to plan to be a Doctor of the Church. Consider becoming a Carmelite. Out of 33 named Doctors of the Church, three are Carmelites. Sure the other orders are well represented, but not to that extent. So becoming a Carmelite and moving to Avila really should be seriously considered in your Doctor of the Church planning. Just expect a long wait. The latest Doctor of the Church St. John of Avila died in 1569. By the way congratulations St. John of Avila, you did it! By the way it is rather awesome that in his preaching he not only preached to other future saints, but to a fellow future Doctor of the Church St. Teresa of Avila.
Heres a post from 2005:
I have some exciting news for you now that the press embargo has been lifted. I have been out of country for the last two days to attend a first-of-a-kind event.
I was lucky enough to be invited to attend the first annual World Misspent-Youth Day that was held in Bonn, Germany. Our event was much more low-key than World Youth Day going on adjacently in Cologne and the Holy Father did not want WM-YD to upstage WYD. The above is the official logo for WM-YD which has St. Augustine pictured on it since he can truly be considered to be the patron saint of misspent-youth. World Misspent-Youth Day was open to those 35 and above who in their youth lead lives not exactly pious, which really means open to all of us 35 and above. This was the first year for this event and of course there were problems and other wrinkles (which only makes sense) that developed. In spite of that I believe it was fairly successful and that we will see future WM-YDs in the future.
The event was only one day long because most of the participants have family and jobs to get back to and just can’t spend a week at a festival. I haven’t heard the official count on attendance yet, but it was fairly substantial. Looking at the middle-aged to elderly crowd of participants it almost looked like a Call To Action convention if it wasn’t for the fact that people wore scapulars, carried Rosaries, and shouted with glee when the Holy Father arrived. There were many allowances made to make us feel at home and not to feel awkward.
In a change of pace the Holy Father arrived on the custom made Papal Motorcycle. I heard that this was symbolic for those of us who have had a mid-life crisis and suddenly bought a Harley-Davidson or a convertible to try to recapture our youth and was also an attempt at levity. He rode surprisingly well and you will notice in picture that he wore a specially made white zucchetto reinforced with carbon fibres for protection.
He later rode in a reinvention of the popemobile the papal golf cart to appeal to those of us who had retired or taken up the purgative sport of golf.
We were really surprised when the Holy Father showed up at the tailgate party in the parking lot of the event. Though when he asked for some German sausage and we didn’t have any cooked up you could see his disappointment. Lesson learned – always have some good German sausages on the grill prepared for these events.
After the tailgate party they started to do the blessings of the lawn chairs and ice chests full of German beer. I think the Holy Father was taken aback a little bit when he first appeared on the stage and we held our lit lighters aloft, but he recovered quickly and said for us to spread the light of Christ. One of the highlights of the event was the homily given by the Holy Father and here are some excerpts as I remember them.
For the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the market place; and to them he said, `You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.’ So they went. Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing; and he said to them, `Why do you stand here idle all day?’ They said to him, `Because no one has hired us.’ He said to them, `You go into the vineyard too.’ And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, `Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.’ And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a denarius. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the householder, saying, `These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ But he replied to one of them, `Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you, and go; I choose to give to this last as I give to you.[Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?’
Dear friends,
As we reflect on this beautiful passage from Matthew, I welcome you who have finally entered the vineyard at the noon hour. Do not fret that you did not serve the Lord sooner but fall down in adoration in thanks giving and live out your life in the grace you have received. Do not begrudge those who have not yet entered the vineyard which is Holy Mother Church, but fast and pray that they too will enter. As the great Doctor of the Church for whose today’s event is dedicated said “Late have I loved you, Beauty so ancient and so new, Late have I loved you!” We must persist in that love of him who loved us first. Though in the past you were willful minions in the dictatorship of relativism you are now new creatures in Christ! Go forth and spread the good news with your new-found zeal and remember that your past sins have been forgiven and are as far as the East is from the West. …
“When the culture of death pushes you, you must push back.”
Another cool part of the event was the communal penance service followed by individual confession. He continued the tradition of Pope John Paul II for purging of memory and apologized for the Church and level of catechesis so prevalent since the sixties. Another ceremony was held for us baby boomers in which we were forgiven for our radical individualism, self-centeredness, materialism, and for foolish idealism that put faith in the power of government. The list he mentioned of things us baby boomers were responsible for was actually much longer, but unfortunately I didn’t bring any kind of recorder and it was much too long for me to remember.
After the Pope Benedict XVI had left the event was capped off with a concert which included Styx and REO Speedwagon. Styx did a special version of Lady dedicated to Our Lady and REO Speedwagon sang Riding the Storm out on a stage shaped like the Bark of Peter. It was rumored that Journey was also going to show, but it looks like my prayers were answered and they didn’t.
The Pope didn’t commit to doing this again or say where the next WM-YD might be held. Many of us our kind of hoping for Hawaii, Rio de Janeiro, or the French Rivera. Overall it was really fun and hopefully next time it will publicized well in advance. Though I can hardly blame them for keeping this one under wraps since you could hardly know how a large group of us all together would turn out. At least it kept the condom-pushers and other dissidents from attending. I just hope next time they have a concession pharmacy for those that need blood-pressure medicine, pills for arthritis, and assorted pharmaceuticals for other maladies.
One of the things about becoming a saint is that there is some planning involved besides just living a life of heroic sanctity. For one planning the day you die. You really want to pick a day on the calendar where you will not be eclipsed by a more famous saint. If you are down to your last breath check the liturgical calendar and if it’s a famous saint’s feast day try to hold off till the next day. If you plan to be a martyr you might have less flexibility about this, though the benefit is that the investigation into your cause will go much faster.
Plus I think you really want to figure out what you are going to be the patron saint of ahead of time. Otherwise you might get one of those ironic patronages the Church seems to love so much. Pick wisely because you will be doing it for eternity or else you might get put in charge of the lost and found like St. Anthony.
Also I think you want to make it easy for the investigation into your cause. The less writing you do the better for those poor souls who have to read everything you wrote. For example don’t ever start a blog, believe me the investigators will thank you if you don’t. If you use Foursquare, just check-in to churches and retreat houses. If you use Facebook and somebody pokes you, never poke them back so as to turn the other cheek. It might also be helpful to maintain a list of everybody who knows you to make it easier for the investigators in their interviews. Remember the investigation into the cause of your sainthood can be long and drawn-out so the easier you make it for them the faster you are raised to the altar.
It is very important to remember to stay in good terms with your diocese and especially your bishop since he begins you investigation process. In fact a promoter group (‘Actor Causae’): diocese, parish, religious congregation, association, asks the bishop through the postulator for the opening of your investigation. So to be proactive get your friends and others together to form such a group while you are still alive and this will get things rolling much faster when you die. Set up your cult (in the Catholic sense) ahead of time and you won’t be sorry.
It is also a good idea to tag your personal possessions. This way it will be much easier to catalog your 2nd and 3rd degree relics. Don’t worry about 1st degree relics since they pretty much have that figured out.
There is also concern relating to incorruptibility. Now you probably won’t be be one of the uncorruptables, but if you are here on some tips. Remember you could be on display for hundreds and hundreds of years so any facial plastic surgery you are considering you might want to get it done sooner than later. Plus you just have to let some things go. For example no matter what you are wearing when you die it is going to go out of fashion. Though later on your clothes will probably come back in fashion just as long as you aren’t buried in a leisure suit.
This is a really important tip. Make sure you provide lots of photos of yourself smiling. Those iconographers always want to make you look so dour and we want to take St. Teresa of Avila’s advice about dour-faced saints. It couldn’t hurt to get with a good iconographer ahead of time to make sure they get it right.
Now you can’t plan everything ahead of time. For example you kind of have to wait till you die to get with God about the two miracles you are going to perform via intercession to him. Stay on good terms with God and this should go off without a hitch.
So as Patrick Coffin says “Be a saint, what else is there?” and plan ahead.
Update: In a later post I consider steps on planning to become a Doctor of the Church.
Renova, a Portuguese paper company, is celebrating Pope Benedict XVI’s upcoming trip to Madrid by releasing special edition Papal toilet paper. The yellow and white rolls–representing the colors of the Papal flag–are being released for World Youth Day. The product’s description on Renova’s website calls them “streamers,” yet they come in the same packaging as their toilet paper and can only be found in the toilet paper section of their site. Don’t be bashful, for Renova asks you to “Open your windows to celebrate!” when the Pope comes to Madrid.
Well now I know what to use if I ever decided to T.P. the Vatican.
…
But it all sounds so same ol’, same ol’, y’know? Maybe Catholic bloggers will have to endure sufferings that are a bit more…I don’t know, personal. Custom-fit.
For instance – and I’m just imagining here –
* LarryD – transcribe every issue of the National Catholic Reporter onto strips of bark using a piece of charcoal.
* Fr Z – drink instant coffee while blogging on a 386…with a dial-up connection.
* Mark Shea – chained at the ankle with Michael Voris (that could work both ways, I suppose).
* The writers at The American Catholic – recite every Vox Nova post in Shakespearean prose.
Read the whole list from the great LarryD of Acts of the Apostasy.
Now to add my own suggestions.
Rudy, the Erie Zoo’s late, great gorilla, had one. So did former Gov. Tom Ridge, who maintains a home here.
Many of baseball’s biggest names and some presidents and celebrities have them, too.
Now Erie Catholic Bishop Donald W. Trautman is among those immortalized in miniature with a bobblehead.
Trautman said the likeness is “pretty close.”
He received his figure with the shaking noggin during an annual diocesan gathering for priests held around June 24, which was Trautman’s 75th birthday.
“I was surprised,” he said.
He said he was given a box to open during a dinner and found the smiling bobblehead inside.
Each of the 13-county diocese’s priests also received one of the bobbleheads.
“It was a sign of special friendship, and I appreciate the gesture. … It was a very creative gift,” Trautman said.
The Rev. John Detisch, pastor of Erie’s Sacred Heart Catholic Church, was the priest responsible for the bobblehead. He was out of town Tuesday and couldn’t be reached for comment.
As both a Catholic and a geek it is a nice confluence to say “The pope today tweeted on his iPad.”
This is what the Pope tweeted:
And afterwards he demonstrated how much he has mastered the game Cut the Rope.
Well actually he tweeted:
Yes the new Vatican News site News.va is up an running.
So what Twitter app on the iPad does the Pope use? It was the official twitter app simply called “Twitter for iPad.” I have several Twitter apps on the iPad, but this is the one I mostly use.
Though I do have some serious questions about papal tweeting. Now obviously the Vatican has multiple Twitter accounts one for each of the various languages such as news_va_en, news_va_it, news_va_es, news_va_fr. So which language did the Pope tweet in?
I must admit it is a serious oversight that there is no news_va_la twitter feed. Surely official tweets should first be done in Latin and then other tweets would be translated and based on that official tweet.
My other question is could the pope issue an infallible statement via twitter? I believe he could as long as the tweet included “We declare and define that ..,” and was clearly intending the tweet for the whole Church. A direct message with “we declare and define that” would not since it would be directed towards only one individual. 140 characters for an infallible definition is I believe doable.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), a division of the federal government’s National Institutes of Health (NIH), has spent $3,634,807 over the past decade funding research that involves getting monkeys to smoke and drink drugs such as PCP, methamphetamine (METH), heroin, and cocaine and then studying their behavior, including during different phases of the female monkeys’ menstrual cycles.
The study also uses “interventions” as “treatment models” for monkeys who have been taught to use drugs. [Source][Via Creative Minority Report]
So does a junkyMonkey say they have a Monkey on their back? Or do they say they have a human on their back? Or do they despair knowing they will never get the monkey of their back.