Humor

Tom at Disputations posts How to overcome envy over the depth and beauty of other people’s blogposts

There are several effective methods. Here is a non-exhaustive list:

1. Convert envy to zeal. “Boy howdy, I’ll write a blog post of my own, with this as my model and exemplar!”
2. Convert envy to pride. “I’ve got to admit, I can really spot a deep and beautiful blogpost when I see one.”
3. Convert envy to vainglory. “This, clearly, is the pearl produced by my comment on that post back on June 26.”
4. Convert envy to sloth. “You know, I bet if… say, when do the Brewers play?”
5. Avoid envy altogether. “I don’t read that blog anymore.”

I think the fine folks at Patheos had pity on us and came up with a scheme to get Mark Shea to finally change his blog template. As a reader of his blog for the last nine-plus years not much has changed on his site visually as he started with one of limited default templates Blogger had back in the day.  Commenting systems have been about the only thing that has changed besides some minor changes and his being forced to update when a new framework for blogger came out.  Though I wish they had incorporated his militant picture of Bugs Bunny.

So thank you Patheos and congrats to Mark on the move.

Mark Shea first posted on April 24, 2002 which was exactly three months before I also started blogging. A retirement ceremony for his bloodspot theme will be held this Friday.

Though since his new site no longer has Google Friend Connect he will have to admit defeat in the follower war with Fr. Longenecker.

Catholic and Enjoying It!

First off, congrats to The Crescat for her new digs on Patheos. Now I will just steal this video from her.

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Back in 2004 I covered the story of Sister Rhonda Rice is one of 16 nuns at All Hallows Convent at Ditchingham, Norfolk who had earned a Black Belt.

I had wondered what might be the weapons that a nun would train with. Then I realized the  obvous answer.

Nun-Chucks

And with these specialized weapons you know she could beat you within an inch of your life if you didn’t measure up.

My mind being a bit warped and prone to distractions can turn something so awesome and transcendent as receiving Holy Communion into a humorous reflection.

For example at Mass this week as I approached for Communion I noticed the Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion was quite short. My thought was “Bonus” I can make a profound bow at the same time I receive Communion on the tongue.  If only we went back to only receiving on the tongue and also having very short priests, deacons and EMHC’s you could get everybody showing an external sign of reverence.

On another occasion of receiving Holy Communion the accident of bread got caught in my teeth.  I was tempted to have to use a toothpick, but I would have felt too much like St. Longinus.

Oh well maybe one day my thoughts will be closer to the reverence that Holy Communion deserves.

Yes it is voting time 6th annual Cannonball Catholic Blog anti-Awards.

So please make me an anti-awardee since I am listed under the category Best Potpouri of Popery

Obey the Hypnotoad and make an anti-vote for me.

Southern Fried Catholicism has various photos of what I would class Marian Tattoo Fail.

This one caught my eye (and I want my eye back). Considering todays feast, I think this tattoo is one of Mary’s sorrows.

I am sure this comes down somehow on a really bad translation of Luke 2:35 “and a ring will pierce through your nipple also.”

Related to today’s Gospel, here is one of my previous parodies from six years ago.

You are a committed Christian and you really want to do what Jesus tells you to do, but sometimes scriptural passages are difficult to interpret.

For example Matthew 18:21-22 says:

“Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. ”

Peter’s measure definitely seems off and if you take the Bible literally it is pretty difficult to determine when you reach the limit of 70×7 (490). Just how do you know if you have accidentally forgiven somebody 491 times or more? This can be embarrassing in difficult relationship and what if you mistakenly undercount and stop offering forgiveness at a number below 490?

That was a messy and difficult problem. That was until we at Roncoe products made the 4GiveCount counter available at your local Christian bookstore.

With the 4GiveCount counter you will always know where you are at when it comes to forgiveness. No more messy mistakes and uncertainty when it comes to mercy.

Simply enter the names of those people you come into contact with into your computer or PDA’s address book and download it via a USB cable into the 4GiveCount counter and your ready to start. Every time somebody does something and you forgive them all you have to do is select their name in the Forgive Person display and then click the forgiveness button located on the upper left side of our special counter. This will increment the forgiveness counter by one for the currently selected person.

Our counter can be set to one of three forgiveness modes.

* Peter – If you are like St. Peter and believe that seven is a generous limit for forgiveness then select the Peter mode.

* Literal – To follow just what Jesus said in the Bible select the literal 70×7 mode.

* Jesus – Some biblical interpreters hold that Jesus’ statement was meant to be symbolic by giving us a relatively high number. If you follow this interrelation select the Jesus Infinity mode. *

When you increment the forgiveness counter and it detects that you have forgiven them past the upper limit as determined by the selected forgiveness mode- the Mercy Overload lamp will start to flash to warn you that you need not offer forgiveness. That’s all there is to it and you will always be sure you have done your part.

But wait there is more!!! If you order your own 4GiveCount counter by midnight tonight we will throw in a blessing counter. You are always being told to count your blessings and it is just so easy in the rush of everyday life to loose track. With our reliable and durable blessing counter you will always know just how blessed you are!

* If you select the Jesus Infinity mode and you notice that no matter how many times you increment a persons forgiveness index that the Mercy Overload lamp never comes on – don’t worry this is normal operation. This accurately simulates Jesus in that no matter how high your current forgiveness index is, his Mercy Overload lamp also never lights.

* The graphic was done by Brad Sutton, a Point Church Pastor, who  saw this parody over at SperoNews and referred to in in a sermon and even created a new graphic for it that was much better than my original graphic.

If there was a Catholic Fail blog here is a picture I would submit.

Kevin Miller who is an Associate Professor of Theology at  Franciscan University of Steubenville actually received this in the mail from a religious order.

There is the recent news story about the Sacramento priest who showed up a a baptism drunk.

He was subsequently suspended while the diocese looks into what happened. I think it was all a terrible misunderstanding. I imagine this is what really happened.

Church Secretary: Father, will you be available Saturday to come in to dunk.

Father: Well, okay.

Just a simple misunderstanding and maybe time for a hearing test.