Feb 262013

Pat Archbold has a a very funny piece up a the National Catholic Register titled What if the Church was a Car Company?.

Just to whet your appetite before you read the whole thing:

  • Communion of Saints: The ultimate drivers support group. Like totally On*Star on steroids.
  • Concupiscence: The tendency of all people to drive off the road while fiddling with the radio.

Although there is one definition I would tweak:

  • Confession: The repair department. For the measly price of a few ‘Our Fathers’, ‘Haily Marys’, and repentance you can have your car returned to factory condition.

I would say to to get your car returned to factory condition would be the sacrament of Baptism. Confession does not always remit the temporal punishment which God requires as satisfaction for our sins. Baptism takes away all the punishment, both eternal and temporal.

Now here are some of my own definitions to add to the list:

  • Dissidents Just like the car’s exhaust where a lot of hot fumes go through it and it works best when muffled. Instead of a catalytic converter a Catholic conversion is much better.
  • Women’s Ordination Conference A group that pretty much hates every car in the companies lineup, yet for some reason wants to run the company.
  • Conscience This is just like the dashboard warning lights. When these light up you should never ignore them or else they could lead to the dreaded “Check Engine” light. Repair ye, before your engine is dead that your malfunctions can be wiped away.
  • Spiritual Direction You think your car is running pretty good, but you want it perfectly tuned up. The mechanic gets under the hood and helps you to find areas such as valves that need to be adjusted and other things that throw off your timing. The mechanic helps you to see the problems you missed that need repair.
  • Gather Hymnal Like a Chevrolet Corvair and unsafe at any time signature.

Plus of course there is my picture of Mary’s Fiat:

  4 Responses to “What if the Church was a Car Company?”

  1. Absolutely loved when I caught a glimpse of Mary’s Fiat! Wonderful and sweet~ Love it! Of course, your definitions were top notch! Thanks for such!

  2. Come on Jeff! How dare YA imply that Mary only drives a Fiat NOW!?

    There’s so much that sinner vic wants to comment on but “I” better check out what Pat Archbold has to say first and then “I” can wrap “IT” all UP in “ONE” spiritual reality little bundle if YA know what “I” mean NOW? 🙂

    Go Figure!



  3. (((Liturgist: He is that guy who insists on being the driver of the car even though he has no sense of direction and really bad taste in music. Yeah, that guy.)))

    Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/pat-archbold/the-catholic-owners-manual#ixzz2M8s4IJSn

    Hey Jeff! We 92% godly cells of Victor’s flesh like this Pat Archbold and we’re not just saying that because he makes fun of Victor about all that music, mostly country, that he likes to push with his preaching but he’s also got five children and as YA probably know Victor had 5 daughters NOW.

    Quit while you’re ahead sinner vic cause you’re on back word POTS again so STOP cause me, myself and i never had five daughters, my loving wife carried them all NOW!

    Sorry Victor butt you were the spurm donor! Right?

    See folks why I sometimes go bi-polar NOW!

    Come on Lighten UP Victor! We were just pulling your so called 7% Jesus Cells so tell U>S (usual sinners) a little Catholic car dealership joke NOW Victor.

    Alright sinner vic! What’s the difference between Cain Car Cell dealers and Able Car Cell dealers?
    Well Cain Cell dealers can raise a LOT of hell with The Magisterium so we call them Cath lics and those who are Able know how to take a joke NOW and THEN so we call them Catholics cause they are Able to take “IT” with a smile NOW!

    That reminds me of The Good Old Days Victor when your dad would cut “IT” and you’lld (Pile “IT”). 🙂



  4. “Mary’s Fiat” is a play on words, Victor. Mary’s Fiat is Mary’s yes as fiat in Latin means, “let it be.”
    To see our Lady in her Fiat is sweet indeed. ^^

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