Parody L-Mart 2008 by Jeffrey Miller February 10, 2008February 22, 2010 written by Jeffrey Miller February 10, 2008February 22, 2010 The L-Mart parody has been broken out into its own page and can be found here. 20 comments 0 FacebookTwitterGoogle +Pinterest Jeffrey Miller previous post Is Barack Obama the Messiah? next post Mile High Kit You may also like Before “Catholic Baby Einstein” October 4, 2012 Atheist Commenters Devastate Catholic Blogosphere May 8, 2012 The Tan Commandments September 29, 2004 The Excommunicator October 1, 2006 What If April 26, 2004 Hairshirt training program May 23, 2005 Year in review January 3, 2005 Medical Breakthrough April 28, 2004 Jihad Shop September 17, 2006 Group of Knights of Columbus split off August 22, 2017 20 comments Feisty Irish Wench December 31, 1969 - 7:00 pm I LOVE IT! Just absolutely hilarious. My husband just asked me what was so funny at this late hour. Reply KaleJ February 10, 2008 - 11:47 pm Well thankfully we don’t seem to need the portable font this year. Our holy water has stayed put. Although I could have used the ashes plugs. I won’t sing that song, but they played it twice already. Reply Shane February 11, 2008 - 1:07 am What’s the deal with the x-ray glasses thing? Is there some actual rule about covering up the statues and whatnot? Or is it a pious tradition that folks have stretched? In other words, I had never heard that you were supposed to cover the statues only later into Lent. What’s the deali-o? Reply Al February 11, 2008 - 1:54 am “Ashes” only borders on heresy? Pelagianism is what the song promotes &Pelagianism is a heresy. Given how many other so-called Lenten hymns also border on or cross over into heresy do you think you could come up with anew & improved edition for next Lent? I guess this shows that great minds think alike. After cringing through it at Mass Sun AM, I was planning on disecting “Ashes” & comparing it to what Scripture really says. Reply Maureen February 11, 2008 - 9:23 am “Ashes”, as I’ve pointed out before, is a bad rendering of the recommendations of The Imitation of Christ on how to offer yourself up at the offertory. Conry doubtless had read a Kempis or similar spiritual musings. He just went a little too far on the personal effort side. “Lord, all that is in the heaven and in the earth is Thine. I desire to offer myself up unto thee as a freewill offering, and to continue Thine for ever. Lord, in the uprightness of mine heart I willingly offer myself to Thee to-day to be Thy servant for ever, in humble submission and for a sacrifice of perpetual praise. Receive me with this holy Communion of Thy precious Body, which I celebrate before Thee this day in the presence of the Angels invisibly surrounding, that it may be for the salvation of me and of all Thy people. “Lord, I lay before Thee at this celebration all my sins and offences which I have committed before Thee and Thy holy Angels, for the day whereon I was first able to sin even unto this hour; that Thou mayest consume and burn them every one with the fire of Thy charity, and mayest do away all the stains of my sins, and cleanse my conscience from all offence, and restore me to Thy favour which by sinning I have lost, fully forgiving me all, and mercifully admitting me to the kiss of peace… “I offer also unto Thee all my goodness, though it is exceedingly little and imperfect, that Thou mayest mend and sanctify it, that Thou mayest make it well pleasing and acceptable in Thy sight, and ever draw it on towards perfection; and furthermore bring me safely, slothful and useless poor creature that I am, to a happy and blessed end… “Blessed is he who offereth himself to God for a whole burnt-offering, so often as he celebrateth or communicateth!” Reply matt February 11, 2008 - 12:53 pm dude, way too much time on your hands. But really funny though. “The Charity checker” is priceless. I have to get myself one of those. Meanness and sarcasm seem to be my fallback response when prompted. Reply Mac McLernon February 11, 2008 - 12:55 pm Can I put in an order for one of everything, please? 😉 Reply Jane February 11, 2008 - 1:15 pm Might I suggest you add to your store the Penitential Donut? http://philangelus.wordpress.com/2008/02/05/penitential_donut Reply Brian Michael Page February 11, 2008 - 5:37 pm I will gladly pay you Tuesday, for a set of Ashes plugs today. BMP Reply Anon February 11, 2008 - 6:05 pm Incredibly funny and incredibly thought-provoking. Thank you. P.S. Ash Wednesday – smudged Holy Water/Statues – safe for now “Ashes” – sang as much as I could before feeling slightly ill . . . almost a whole line. Flew out of Mass “On Eagle’s Wings”. Reply Matt G February 11, 2008 - 9:27 pm Happy to say, I made friends with the choir director at my church this year. When it came time for Lent, I expressed my concern about the “Ashes” song. He actually agreed with me! (I’d say Alleluia, but it’s Lent). No heresy here! Reply IC February 11, 2008 - 10:35 pm Very funny. I’m with folks on the Ashes song too. Maureen, you may well be right, but when you have to think *that* hard about what a song is actually saying, the song doesn’t work. Reply April February 12, 2008 - 2:32 am Jeff, you are right on target as usual with a wonderful sense of humor. My personal favorite was the ashes stencil. Now if we could just get rid of those awful hymns and bring back the real ones, that would be a real blessing. Reply Diane K February 13, 2008 - 5:24 am Oh, Jeff – I need something to clean my computer screen of the coffee. Too funny! Reply Andrew February 13, 2008 - 9:15 am You need to sell hairshirts as well. Reply John February 13, 2008 - 3:39 pm @Shane In the Church after Laetare Sunday the tradition is to cover the statues and even the rood with purple cloth. This is to remove all distractions from the central act of the consecration. By Good Friday we reach the point where there is no Mass celebrated. Only a prayer service and passion reading. The tabernacle is empty, the altar is stripped, Christ is crucified as we pray at 3:00pm during the Stations and laid in the tomb. I usually have people ask me why I am am playing with a fire in front of the Church on Holy Saturday when people come in for what they think will be the Saturday night quickie Easter Mass. 🙂 Reply Clare February 14, 2008 - 6:39 pm This is just sooo funny. I have been literally howling with laughter at my computer. Loved the Ashes stencil! I don’t know the Ashes ‘hymn’ – maybe it’s more popular in America. Keep this up, Jeff, you are the best jester on the net! Clare from England Reply Burnt Marshwiggle February 17, 2008 - 7:59 am Great products, may I suggest some upgrades? Confession Detector – personal edition: it beeps if you try to confess someone else’s sins. Comes with complementary pair of modified “Ashes plugs” to give to your priest so that he does not have to listen to penitents confessing the sins of a wayward spouse or child. Portable Holy Water font – with safety lock: a plug prevents water from floating out if you try to baptise someone (e.g. grandchild) who isn’t in danger of death. Reply Pumpkin February 17, 2008 - 9:10 pm I wish you had a product that would give me the backbone to send this link to my pastor. He needs to lighten up! He also needs Fr. Philip Neri’s Ten Commandments for a Good lenten Confession! Reply john2025 October 23, 2008 - 4:11 am swXamR hi webmastters Reply Leave a Comment Cancel Reply Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.