College Catholic transcribes on the spot part of a Colbert show from last night. (He says his translation is about 70% accurate)
“My man of the year every years is the pope no matter who he is….Turkey is getting a healthy dose of vitamin B16…upon arrival the Pope spoke today about reaching out to Muslims (Pope’s quote)… Sorry Holiness that is too ecumenical, I liked you better when you were John Paul’s rotweiler… the ecumenical movement seeks to bring people together… the Pope’s visit is designed to bridge the gap between Christians and Muslims…the Muslims are a tad miffed, alright homicidally outraged, over a speech the Pope gave criticizing Mohamed as evil and inhuman…the Pope is trying to make amends and that is a big mistake.. Mohamed happens to be wrong (crowd is a bit shocked Colbert points at audience members and tells them sit back down)….hear me out, I am a Roman Catholic, the one true faith, (the Microsoft of religions) I know Roman Catholicism is the one true faith because Roman Catholicism tells me it’s the one true faith… I am sorry Islam, inherent in my belief is your wrongness… Muslims believe Mohamed ascended to Heaven on a horse, horses can’t fly, Jesus can!… the 72 virgin huggers are going to say Muslims do believe in Jesus, yah they believe that Jesus was just God’s friend, I hate to break it to you but anybody can be God’s friend, even Ted Haggard, God is a people person… the truth is Jesus is the only son of God (recites The Creed to applause) that’s the hometown crowd! Now what I just said is the complete truth or the Muslims are right and I am an infidel. I’ll tell you, the one thing I respect about Muslims is that at least they have the balls to say I am wrong… now when Christians try to be ecumenical we just look weak in our faith… if religions have to agree lets just agree on the one thing we both believe, the other guy is going to Hell!”
Colbert is fairly refreshing, though I still have no real feel how much of his television Catholicism is an act. Though he does make a mistake when it comes to ecumenism. Ecumenism is the movement for Christian unity. Dealing with Islam is interreligious dialogue not ecumenism. The "other guy going to Hell" is a bit Colbert has done before and is fairly funny in a comedy segment, but certainly not catechetical.
Gerald also covers this Colbert episode.
As for the Vitamin B16 I once did a parody along that line within a week of Pope Benedict’s selection though I called them Humanae Vitaemins.
Video via commenter Hoodlum.