Dec 192003
 

(Roto Reuters) A rash of recent thefts of baby Jesus’ and other Christmas items has lead investigators to discover a previously unknown group. These nativity thefts had at first seemed unrelated and attributed to anti-religion zealots or bored teenagers. Locally a suspicious sheriff had radio tagged baby Jesus’ with a special transmitter across the county and when they turned up missing he found that all of them had been relocated and stockpiled in the same warehouse.

After a search warrant was obtained they found in the warehouse hundreds of creche christs, Christmas tree, and other ornaments carefully labeled with the address of where they were taken from. The owners of the warehouse turned out to be a group called MARCH (Militant Adventists Restore Christmas Holiday). Search of the premises found signs such as “Santa sucks, St. Nicholas Rules”, “Christmas starts on the 25th”, and “Hey, Hey, Ho Ho Ho, Advent is for penance you fool.”

A lawyer speaking for the leader of MARCH, Mr. Pen Attent, released this statement. “Our purpose was not theft and we fully intended to return all items after midnight on the 25th of December. We were sick and tired of Nativity cribs containing the infant Jesus up to a month before he was born. Since otherwise well meaning people had not done this on their own, we just wanted to help them out. We wanted to stop the creche creep where every year the celebration of Christmas is started earlier and earlier. While starting shopping on the Friday after Thanksgiving might be a penitential activity at many malls, we wanted to restore the fuller meaning of Advent to awaiting the birth of the Messiah.”

  3 Responses to “Creche Conspiracy”

  1. Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa!

    I’m thinking of making me up a tshirt for this.

    We feel like grinches in our neighborhood–everyone else has decorations up, and we don’t. We won’t put our tree up until MAYBE tomorrow night (since I’m Altar Guild directress at my parish, I spend a good bit Christmas Eve at the church) but we won’t light the lights until after Mass on Christmas Eve.

    Conversely, everyone else will have their trees out on the curb by Saturday morning’s garbage pickup, and our house will be the lone one lit until Jan 6th.

    You hear people in the stores griping about how sick they are of Christmas and they can’t wait ’til it’s over. Well, of course they are. They been messing with it since HALLOWEEN!

  2. [...] Several years ago I theorized that it was Militant Adventists who were stealing the Baby Jesus’ out of Nativity scenes for daring to put him in the crib before Christmas. [...]

  3. [...] Several years ago I theorized that it was Militant Adventists who were stealing the Baby Jesus’ out of Nativity scenes for daring to put him in the crib before Christmas. [...]

 Leave a Reply

(required)

(required)

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>