Islamabad, Pakistan: An audio tape purportedly from
al-Qaeda chief Osama bin Laden warned Muslims everywhere they are under threat
from the United States,
and called for suicide attacks against US and British interests to "avenge
the innocent children" of Iraq.
The 27-minute tape quoted extensively from the Muslim
holy book, the Koran, and said jihad, or holy war, was the "only solution
to all the problems."
In related news, from the latest issue of "Arab Tape Fabricators" is
article by Bin Laden’s own fabricator.
"In recent days the release of video tapes by the Iraqi
government to prove that Saddam Hussein is still alive have been a total amateur
and gives a black eye to other dead arab tape fabricators. Just showing stock
footage of Saddam and his sons in an undisclosed location with no audio feed
is just totally lacking in artistic merit. We as responsible tape fabricators
work hard at our art so that at the end the viewer becomes unsure as to whether
dead or alive. My work with al Qaida has always sown doubt in the western world
as to the fate of Bin Laden. I meticulously work to provide audio tapes just
distorted enough to make voice authentication impossible but still good enough
to play over and over again as a news item. Scripting the videos is an art
form in itself as our writers write drafts and do multiple revisions to include
just the right amount and balance of "jihad" and "death to americans" statements.
The daily releases of Saddam Hussien videos hurt our efforts and cast doubt
on the validity of our own tapes. Their propaganda attempts have also been
woefully lacking in professionalism. Rumors that Hussien is in the Russian
in Syria, or somewhere else abound showing no coordination in their rumor attempts.
We diligently worked at being consistent in inserting rumors about Bin Laden
being in Pakistan or around the border, we didn’t have him showing up in multiple
countries at the same time."
"I sincerely doubt that their fabricator is credentialed
and probably fabricated his own fabrication degree. Anyone who is truly interested
in pursuing a highly rewarding career as a tape fabricator I would strongly
suggest that they attend the finest schools first, such as Michael Moore’s