But it all sounds so same ol’, same ol’, y’know? Maybe Catholic bloggers will have to endure sufferings that are a bit more…I don’t know, personal. Custom-fit.
For instance – and I’m just imagining here –
* LarryD – transcribe every issue of the National Catholic Reporter onto strips of bark using a piece of charcoal.
* Fr Z – drink instant coffee while blogging on a 386…with a dial-up connection.
* Mark Shea – chained at the ankle with Michael Voris (that could work both ways, I suppose).
* The writers at The American Catholic – recite every Vox Nova post in Shakespearean prose.
Read the whole list from the great LarryD of Acts of the Apostasy.
Now to add my own suggestions.
- Mark Shea – Locked in a combos with 500 people calling him a liberal and another 500 calling him a conservative.
- Fr. Phillip Neri Powell, OP His purgatory would be something like being trapped in a gigantic library with no books on the shelves. Kind of like the Twilight Zone episode “Time Enough at Last” where book lover Burgess Merideth and ends with a gigantic pile of books around him and his glasses broken. In fact that would be my Purgatory also – or perhaps Hell. This would also be purgatory for Video meliora, proboque; Deteriora sequor, and Happy Catholic.
- Jimmy Akin – Hosting a Catholic Radio show 24/7 where the only question from callers is about Jesus’ brothers and sisters or “Call no man father”.
- Fr. Roderick – Working at a genius bar in a Microsoft Store.
- Fr. Richsteig – An office where hymns from the Gather Hymnal are piped in like Musak.
- Tom at Disputations. To have volumes and volumes of St. Thomas Aquinas’ works, but they are all in Thomas’ handwriting.
- Jeff Geerling – To become a web developer for a site that uses Joomla. A inside joke for those who know Jeff.
- Patrick Madrid – Have to publish a Catholic magazine using only a mimeograph machine with no graphics allowed and totally humorless.
- Shawn Tribe and the writers at the New Liturgical Movement Now quite sure, but I think it involves Folk guitar masses and the Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles.
- Dave Armstrong – Allowed to blog all he wants as long as he keeps his posts under 140 characters.
- Ironic Catholic – To have to listen to Alanis Morissette song “Irony” over and over again and not be allowed to complaint the Alanis Morissette does not understand what irony means.
- The Curt Jester – Having to read all my blog posts over and over again. I am only thankful I never blogged when I was an atheist.
Oh now THIS is good!! We could just go on with this one!!
ROFL! What would mine be? And…everyone else’s? 😉
Gaaa! That would be a fate worse than death! Or… something like that. Here’s another one for you: not allowed to use photoshop or any other image manipulation program to create laugh-worthy images.
Your list is so much more awesome! I guess when you blog for 9 years, you end up with a lot more material/relationships to draw from.
These are brilliant! Still chuckling over working at a Genius Bar in a Microsoft Store. 😀
For me, a fate worse than death would be subjecting me to guitars, kazoos, etc. whilst hearing the dreadful junk from GIA and OCP “hymnals” 24/7. 😛
Ok, I am now super motivated to be holier and spend less time in Purgatory.
Cute. And you’re right, that would be purifying alright. In a humbling, painful way.
Actually, it would teach me to “shut the hell up”. Heh heh. heh.
OK, I was amused.
OK. That’s IT! I’m off to confession. . .
Fr. Philip Neri, OP
They’ll make me exercise, without anything to look at, without anything to listen to. Just me and the gym, sweating like a pig, never able to stop… while blogging ideas come into my head and then vanish again, forgotten.
Nice. I think mine would like something like Fr Powell’s, but since I don’t wear glasses normally, the books would be in a different language from English. That, or I would be surrounded by 101 pious whisperers, each speaking (ok, whispering audibly but only just) in a different language, so that I could not concentrate.
My guess for you, based on my recollection of your excellent writings, is you having to listen to people giving you vocational discernment and other unsolicited advice all day. 🙂
Well, those are certainly sufferings, but they are more suitable as kind of like an entry level class for “Hell 101”.
When I think of purgatory –and don’t get me wrong, I think these possibilities are FUNNY!–I think of the kind of suffering that purifies and makes me want to be better –not that scarifies and makes me want to thunder anathemas.
So instead of having to transcribe the “Fishwrap” with charcoal on bark, I think a better purgatory would be to transcribe the National Catholic Record. . .with charcoal, on bark. . .AND present the copies to such people as, say, Tim LeHay. . .
Now THEIR purgatory would be having to read the Register — which would infuriate (but edify) them because the Register is authentic Catholic teaching!
I guess mine would be to actually post something about Catholicism once in a while……..I’m not really a “Catholic blogger” but more “a blogger who happens to be Catholic”.
I’ll probably end up forced to referee a debate between Richard Dawkins and a literalistic fundamentalist creationist…
Mine would be to try to post on some topic neither Mark Shea nor Jimmy Akin have written about, only to have my paltry output critiqued by Jamie Manson.
This is what’s great about being a not-so-famous blogger. You don’t have to worry about people writing about you as if they know you, when they really don’t.
Not a bad life, really.
I think I’ve done spent my “purgatory” at Blogger. I’m now on WordPress, FYI. Great list!
I LIVE IN CENTRAL FLORIDA. It is hotter here than in Jax where you live. My purgatory would be to re-teach homeschooling extremists that they didn’t have to do all that behavior because God still loves them anyway. It would also be to show them that they don’t have to demand that the Catechism be recited or read like a teabagger demanding the Constitution be read VERBATUM. THEY ARE LOVED BY God not for what they recite or how they feel insecure
That’s why I wear a Brown Scapular! Our Lady promised that those who die wearing One will get out of Purgatory on the Saturday of that week. I hope to die on a Saturday, that way I will go right up! 🙂
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