Are you a Catholic liturgist, musician, parish catechist, etc that was part of the sixties generation? Do you look fondly on change for change sake and the exciting climate that theology had gone gonzo and that anything could happen, yet wonder if that wasn’t right? Do you still feel like you want to "stick it to the man" even though you’re "the man" now? That you love Woodstock and the Woodstock Theological Center though you are starting to think that it is more nostalgia then something rational? Are you starting to doubt that progress is a synonym for change and that it might actually need to be measured by some objective standard? Are you actually finding that the do-it-yourself Mass is not quite as helpful to your prayer life that you would have expected? Finally, you want to leave the sixties philosophy behind you, though you still consider it might be a Haight-Ashbury crime to do so?
These feelings are really scary especially when those you labled as "conservative" Catholic are starting to make sense. But you are not alone! There are others that feel these same anxieties. If you experience these symptoms you might be suffering from Liturgical Sixties Disenchantment (LSD). With LSD you might consider doing things like actually reading the documents of Vatican II or even worse the Church’s liturgical documents, but yet you start to flashback to Masses with people sitting around the altar with guitars singing Kumbaya. When you move in a direction where you begin agreeing with the teaching authority of the Church, but are prevented from moving in that direction because of flashbacks to your previous anti-authority and ageism to anything before 1960 – you just might be experiencing LSD. If you now prefer the pipe organ to several guitarists strumming the same old chords in unison, then no doubt you have LSD. Now you just want to "Turn on" Gregorian Chant, "Tune In" to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass properly celebrated and to "Drop out" of your National Catholic Reporter subscription. You might ask how do you drop LSD and get rid of this condition?
Previously this was a difficult process and those who have tried to go cold turkey have had varying levels of success. Syrupy and banal modern Catholic hymns are like a siren’s call continuing bringing you to liturgical shipwrecks crying "Here I am, Lord!" The good news is that you are not on your own anymore!
Introducing Sixtiesdote the antidote to the sixties? Sixtiesdote is guaranteed to cure your addiction to felt banners or your money back! Latin will no longer give you a rash and you can now say "Long live Pope Benedict XVI" and actually mean it! Just one tablet a day and you will be on your way to finding that rubrics are your friends! You will actually start to be glad to see vestments that actually match the liturgical color of the day and happy to see that stoles do not resemble that stack of tye-dye t-shirts you finally threw out.
While using Sixtiesdote make sure you are under a Doctors of the Church care. Whether Teresa of Avila, St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, etc a good diet of spiritual reading from these sources will greatly increase your chance of spiritual health and to throw off those residual sixties influences. Their bedside manner is always great since you can keep their books at your bedside for easy access. Sixtiesdote works best when taken with Humanae Vitaemins as part of your daily allowance.
Sixtiesdote is made up of a patented combination of vitamins and minerals such as Wojtyla Karoltene that best enables you to be open to beauty and objective truth without that sixties reflex against even true authority. Often those who suffer from sixties contamination have too much B3 (Denyasin) in their systems, catechetical deficiencies, and are allergic to anything B4 1960. Those with LSD are already on the road to spiritual health and Sixtiesdote helps you get there without severe withdrawal symptoms such as relapsing back to the St. Louis Jesuits.
In just a few short months you will be able to read Dominus Iesus or even attend the extraordinary form of the Mass when it becomes available without incurring sixties panic and other related reactions. Sixtiesdote helps you to join the true counter-culture and be a real radical by fully following Christ and his Church.
Warnings and Cautions
Do not take Sixtiesdote if you are still enamored of theologians like Hans Küng and theological fads such as liberation theology. Severe theological reactions can occur.
The makers of Sixtiesdote is not responsible if lose your job as a DRE, liturgist, etc for suddenly having orthodox opinions or that you stop finding that Franco Zeffirelli’s Brother Sun, Sister Moon is the best movie on St. Francis ever.
The makers of Sixtiesdote is not responsible for book bills from Ignatius Press and other reliable publishing companies due to a sudden interest in the spiritual treasures of the Church.
Sixtiesdote can be used with a 12 step program as long as those 12 steps are not liturgical dance steps.
Do not try dropping Sixtiesdote in your parish liturgist’s coffee. Sixtiesdote only works with an act of the will and will not violate conscience, even a badly formed one.
For ex-members of Call To Action and FutureChurch this product will not remove the gray from your hair.
We need a 70’s one to go with it, or will the one pill cover both decades? 🙂
Will it come in a special formulation with glucosamine? You know, for those of us who don’t want to have to say, “I’ve genuflected and I can’t get up.”
Now I’M the one that’ll have to get up, because I fell off my chair, laughing, upon reading your comment.
Will SixtiesDote also help with some of the other novelties introduced in the sixties? Stuff like rejecting the Magisterial authority of the Second Vatican council on the grounds that it contains heresy, declaring Popes (John XXIII, Paul VI, John Paul II, and Benedict XVI) to have violated the first commandment when they prayed in a Mosque, denouncing Natural Family Planning as a contraceptive act which shows lack of faith in God, declaring married people and healthcare professionals to have entered a “necessary occasion of sin” on the grounds that they may see a naked person, dogmatically insisting that moving the tabernacle into a central location outside the main worship area has brought about the foretold curse of the “abomination of desolation”?
Will it help those of us^H^H^H^H^Hpeople who suffer from Latent Schismatic Desires as well?
Fitting the day, the FIRST and LAST warnings were the most important. And “Severe theological reactions” wins the guffaw award.
As to the “I’ve genuflected and I can’t get up” comment, I think that belongs with the 70’s remedy too. I barely recall the 60’s, but i have actually gotten stuck in a kneeling position (try rising when you’re knees are completely numb!) in church more than once! The hardest thing about getting stuck is the memory of the “can’t get up” commercial. It’s impossible not to laugh when this happens. Your imagine takes over and you envision the crane crashing through the ceiling to remove you from the kneeler…
Methinks you’re a bit older than me! Though when i did my degree in Divinity Hans Kung On Being Christian was all the rage in the 80s..
Thankfully i love Humanae Vitae as my name suggests!
Jeff…you are a treasure!
I don’t know what’s funnier. The original posts, or the comments 🙂
Too bad this antidote wasn’t available earlier, say around 1970.
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