Humor

Vatican, Oct. 07 (CWNews.com) – The Vatican’s office on sports– an agency of the Pontifical Council for the Laity–is organizing its first seminar in Rome for November 11-12.

The new Vatican bureau is inviting 45 leaders from the world of athletics to participate in the 2-day discussion, reported Father Kevin Lixey, who is heading the initiative. The objective of the seminar– which will be held in the St. Calistus palace in Rome’s Trastevere section– is to stimulate thought on the Church’s role in the world of sports.

Father Lixey told the I Media news agency that he hopes the seminar will furnish guidance for the future of his bureau. He explained that the Vatican is looking for appropriate ways to provide guidance for sporting associations– whether they are Catholic or not– and thus to encourage a healthy approach to athletic competition. The Vatican is also interested in pointing out models of Christian athletic competition. [Source]

Here is a post I did before when the office on sports was first announced which includes a great (non-photoshopped) picture of the late and great Pope John Paul II. I see now that the post also pointed to our following team captain.

From Fr. Phil Bloom Pastor of Holy Family in Seattle is this article.

Daily Koshonored me by posting an article that refers to my essay on the Sin of Onan. I was understandably flattered by the reference – even though it took me and others to task for our views sexual morality:

Do not send your seed through the fire to Molech becomes "God’s worried about where your penis has been." Pagan temple prostitutes aren’t going to heaven becomes becomes "God’s worried about where your penis has been." Onan, spiting his dead brother, becomes an example of becomes how God’s worried about where your penis has been.

The words hit me like Puget Sound surf. How can anyone dispute such a cleverly stated argument? Your doctor might ask where your penis has been. Your psychoanalyst might want to delve into the topic. Even your girlfriend or wife – unless she has learned from those realistic Europeans – might raise a fuss about where your penis has been. But as the author delicately implies, God would not concern himself with anything so crude.

Kos (rhymes with "rose") and other popular writers are trying to help the rest of us attain a more sophisticated understanding of God. For sure, He is eager to hear their insights, but it is silly to think God cares about petty human foibles. If anything, he smiles at them and finds them entertaining.

When you think about it in that light, the amazing thing is that some people, at least in rural parts of America, still take seriously what Jesus said about God being our Father. They have the idea that fatherhood means that he takes a personal interest in us, cares about what we do and that it matters to him what kind of person we become. Evangelical Christians (and, I am ashamed to admit, even certain Catholics) cling to that outdated concept of God.

We should update Jesus’ prayer by invoking Our Grandfather who art in heaven. Much more accurate to view God as a remote, doddering figure who enjoys seeing young people have a good time. In my homilies I try to convey that liberating message:

Jesus came to show us what really matters is how you feel inside. The important thing is to get in touch with yourself, get comfortable with and accept yourself just the way you are. When Jesus said to repent, he meant to stop all that negative thinking. As today’s Gospel states, "Then I will say to myself,’relax, my soul, you have things stored up for years to come; eat, drink and do not worry.’" (Luke 12, 19)

Fr. Bloom also wrote a parody homily called The Usual Homily which is pretty funny. Though some took the homily seriously and their reactions are pretty funny too. He follows up the reactions with Taking off the Mask.

Rushdie, speaking at the Lied Center at an event sponsored by the Hall Center for the Humanities, warned against religious extremism and the emergence of religion in matters of public policy, the Lawrence Journal-World reported.

"I would really love never to mention that word again: religion," Rushdie said. "But now it seems to be coming right at us all. I don’t just mean radical Islam, by the way. I believe we have some problems right here."

The Kansas Board of Education is expected to vote later this year on new science standards that, if approved, will expose students to greater criticism of Darwinism. The move, pushed by a conservative majority on the state board, has drawn criticism from groups that endorse evolution and who describe intelligent design as a mere variant of creationism.

"I never had any doubts about evolution theory," he said. "I gather there are parts of Kansas where the big bang did not take place."

In reaction the founder of the Moral Majority, Jerry Fallwell, made a call for the assassination of Salman Rushdie. "In the name of Jesus I would like to inform all intrepid Christians around the world that this author is in opposition to an intelligent designer and is sentenced to death. I call on all zealous Christians to execute him quickly so no one will dare insult our creator." [Source]

Oh wait, the last part didn’t happen. Now you just got to love a place called the "Lied Center" which is a center for performing arts at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. I think this is a appropriate name for where to stage political debates.

Found via a seminarian’s blog called help me out (more pictures here).

Have you ever gone to the Vatican’s official web site to find something and found yourself praying to St. Anthony of Padua to help you find what you are looking for? Are you convinced the the web designer for Vatican.va is a gnostic and that you need hidden knowledge to be able to navigate the circle of confusion?

For example when you saw this icon did you know that this is the link to the various news services? Did you know that clicking on Paths of the Spirit will bring you to spiritual commentary by the saints? Of course the page hasn’t been updated since 18 April 2003 and you have to speak Italian or Spanish to read any of it. You spent hours and hours looking for a homily from the Holy Father only to finally find it but only in a language you can’t read. This of course happens no matter how many languages you can speak. This is because when you select the desired language on the index page the site then makes sure that the majority of links will not be in that language.

There was just nothing you could do about until now except to offer up your navigation frustrations. Secrets of Vatican.va will help you to actually find encyclicals, papal bulls, news releases, and the latest speeches or homilies you are looking for.

Learn exciting tips like that rolling over some icons will actually reveal the links that they actually go to. Read and you will receive valuable tips, click and you find, knock on the right icon and you will find what you are looking for. Because the Vatican’s site is confusing and the way is hard, that leads to data, and those who find it are few.

We provide you with 101 hint and tips make navigating the Vatican’s site a breeze instead of a cross. We guarantee after reading our book you won’t know how you ever navigated without it.

But wait there’s more! Did you know that there are Easter Eggs on the Vatican’s site? No we are not talking about some Easter Bunny silliness, but hidden features and novelties that web designer incorporated into the Vatican’s site. Just to show you the value of this book we will give you just one example from our 101 hints and tips.

Papal blessing Easter Egg.

First go to the Vatican’s site and select a language.

Click on the Pope’ coat of arms an you will be on Benedictus XVI’s main page.

Now here is the tricky part.

1. Click on the Pope’s mitre and then quickly select the coat of arms.

2. Hold down the Alt key (or Cmd on Mac’s) and select the Holy Father’s ear.

3. Then while performing step 2 say a Hail Mary.

Bingo if you have done it right and were contrite while doing it you will see the Pope waving his hand and see the special papal blessing scrolling on the screen. Sorry you will have to buy our book to find out what it is.

You will get this tip and much more so why wait? Order now and we will include free of charge the translators guided to Diocesan Spokesman’s Double talk. Operators are standing by!

Ireland – Ireland’s largest bookmaker, Paddy Power PLC, withdrew a billboard campaign on Wednesday that portrayed Jesus and his disciples at the Last Supper table – playing poker and roulette alongside the slogan, "There’s a place for fun and games".

The Dublin-based company was responding to legal threats from Ireland’s Advertising Standards Authority, which reported receiving scores of complaints from the public in this predominantly Roman Catholic country.

At all 89 locations across Dublin, the offending billboards were replaced on Wednesday with new Paddy Power ads that said: "There’s a place for fun and games. Apparently this isn’t it."

Frank Goodman, chief executive of the Advertising Standards Authority for Ireland, said Paddy Power had breached its guidelines for taste, decency and religion. "This apparently has caused widespread offence," he said.

The ad provoked laughter and irritation aplenty in this city of 1.3 million.

Dublin Archbishop John Neill, of the Anglican-affiliated Church of Ireland, said it "would be offensive to most Christian people". [Source]

This is silly since after all everybody knows nobody would be willing to play poker with Jesus. Not only does he know when your bluffing he knows what cards you have.

Have you ever wondered what Justice Souter must think whenever he hears warnings about a judicial nominee possibly being another Souter? Does he hope for another nominee like him so that they can refer to their name instead in the future?

Update: The Might Barrister must have been thinking along the same lines.

Update: As far as the Miers’ nomination goes I am amazed at the President’s luck. Imagine the coincidence that the person most qualified to be on Supreme Court was already working for him – the girl next door. What phenomenal luck to have your chief White House counsel turn out to be the one most qualified for the position. Maybe he should look among the gardening staff to head the Department of Agriculture since he has such an amazing ability to pick people.

Actually I am thinking of having my name legally changed to Tabula Rasa so I might get considered for the next empty seat on the court. Hey I have never been a lawyer, constitutional scholar, judge, or held any public office. I would have no paper trail except if some toilet paper got stuck to the bottom of my shoe. Though I have read the Constitution so that might disqualify me.

Kathy Shaidle posted earlier

"…some British schools have also removed or restricted the following ‘anti-Muslim’ children’s books… The Three Little Pigs, Charlottes Web, Babe:The Sheep-pig, Cars and Trucks and Things That Go, Olivia Saves the Circus, Animal Farm."

And then started the FREE PIGLET campaign asking that people show us their pig. We have to work now to end this swinephobia now. Now some people think pigs have what’s coming to them after reading Animal Farm or their unfortunate association with the name of government largess taints us.

First they came for Elmer Fudd, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t an Elmer Fudd fan and I preferred Bugs. Then they came for the three little pigs, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a member of their household. Then they came for Piglet, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t part of the Pooh union. Then they came for Miss Piggy, but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Muppet. Then they came for me…By that time there was no one to speak up for anyone.

The Church is traditionally divided into the Church Militant (Ecclesia Militans), comprising Christians who are living, and the Church Triumphant (Ecclesia Triumphans), comprising those who are in Heaven, the Church Suffering (ecclesia penitens) or Church Expectant (ecclesia expectans), comprising those presently in Purgatory. Now as an ex-Navy Recruiter I thought hey why can’t we have some of those snappy slogans often employed by the military in advertisement for the Church Militant? So I have taken some of those slogans I have remembered through the years and applied them for Church Militant. recruitment purposes.

And here is one to encourage scripture reading.

Here is a post I did a couple years ago imagining a boot camp for the Church Militant.

A Catholic priest was robbed at gunpoint in his home by a man who had asked to be blessed, police have said.

The 69-year-old priest saw the man at the window of his home at St Oswald’s Church in Ashton-in-Makerfield, Greater Manchester, on Tuesday evening.

The man said he wanted to be blessed, but after the priest led him into the church, his accomplice burst in.

The pair threatened the priest with a gun before stealing a large amount of money from his adjoining presbytery.

Det Sgt Bill Nelson, from Greater Manchester Police, said the robbery was "despicable". [Source]

It does make me wonder if the robber asked on the way out "So a blessing now would be out of the question?"