Humor

If you read the Divine Office you become quite familiar with the Canticle from Daniel 3:57 which gets heavy rotation (liturgical payola involved?). It contains such phrases as "Cold and chill, bless the Lord; praise and exalt him above all forever, Frost and chill, bless the Lord. Ice and snow, bless the Lord, Mountains and hills, bless the Lord."

Now being a resident of Florida these passages normally don’t speak to me, so I pondered what if Daniel had been exiled to Florida instead? What might he have written in those circumstances?

Heat and humidity, bless the Lord
praise and exalt him above all forever
Gators and geckos, bless the Lord
Lack of mountains and hills, bless the Lord
Swamps and wetlands, bless the Lord
Thunderstorms and hurricanes, bless the Lord
You Manatees and all water creatures, bless the Lord
Birds of the air and tourists flying South, bless the Lord
Fireants and giant cockroaches, bless the Lord

The real reason Ron Howard took on The Da Vinci Code was that he thought Opus Dei was Latin for Opie Die.

Via relapsed catholic is this story about the Bible clutch

New York designer Femme Sud, maker of the new leather Bible clutch, has found that coveting thy neighbor’s handbag isn’t always a bad thing — especially when said handbag sells for $495.

Each book-shaped Bible bag is nearly twice the size of a standard-issue Gideon Good Book and comes with vamp-red lipstick and a coin purse that says “Pennies from Heaven,” the New York Post reports.

But why sport a fashion statement of biblical proportions?

Apparently, it’s a sure-fire way to attract attention from the opposite sex.

"I went out in Houston with a friend and was carrying my Bible bag," said Robin Goetz, who co-designed the pious purses with Joanna Lipman. "We couldn’t even have a conversation because every two minutes another guy would come over to ask about it."

…"Bible-shaped handbags are nothing more than a cheap way for Christian zealots to shove their religion down the throat of agnostics and atheists. Which is why the Catholic League loves them. Our advice to ACLU attorneys — don’t leave home without one,” Catholic League chief William Donohue said.

Well I guess if your a fashion fundamentalist with close to 500 bucks to spare and want a purse to thump this might be cool. Some have said the religion and the Bible is used as a crutch, well know it is used also as a clutch. Exactly what shoes go with Bible clutch? Well sandals make the most sense, especially if they have a non-stick coating to easily brush the dust off as you leave a town that has rejected the Gospel.

Though the inside cover is not exactly pious.

With the story that Dan Rather plans to possibly blog in the future you know the jokes just write themselves. I hear that he will start just as soon as he finds a IBM Selectric with a Times New Roman typeball that has proportional fonts, kerning, and reduced font superscript capabilities and a built-in ethernet connector.

Though one thing can be just about be guaranteed is that he wont have Powerline or Free Republic on his blogroll.

Though I must thank Dan Rather because the documentgate provided the impetus for my most linked to post.

A reader informed in about Ministry & Liturgy magazine which recently had a Visual Arts Award for Devotional Art & Spaces. The below picture is the one that one Best of Show.

Quite beautiful isn’t it. Unfortunately I was joking that this is the one that won best of show.

Now that is more like what you would expect a magazine called Ministry & Liturgy to select. This one reminded Andy Kosmowski of a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode called "Allegiance." I would almost be afraid to go in this chapel. It seems like once everyone was seated that the room would start to spin around like a ride in an imagined Catholic theme park. Take a spin in the Blessed Sacrament centrifuge.

Here are some other tabernacles that seem rather odd to me. Possibly this is what Blessed Teresa of Calcutta meant when she said “Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.”

This one is from the Corpus Christi University Parish Facility "features a 13-foot height limestone tabernacle with a bronze cylinder, which hovers over a granite shelf." I think the woman is praying "please don’t fall on me"

This is what happens when the parish budget can’t afford a gardener.

I can’t seem to find the remote control.

Most of the churches in my parish that I have been to have very nice tabernacles. There was only one that looked like it was a white square made of bakelite that really was not pleasing to the eye. I guess I was not the only one who thought so since the last time I went to that parish they replaced it with a much nicer one.

I am also not thrilled with the prevalence of so many Blessed Sacrament Chapels where the tabernacle has been moved from the altar to some lesser place. Though this seems to meet the theology of many churches where Jesus is also removed from the center and the focus turned on the people. I can understand why churches with 24 hour adoration use these chapels since it is much easier to be able to provide security by allowing people with code access to come an pray anytime they want. What really annoys me are these chapels that have a very limited for sitting. For example a large parish that has only two Prie Dieus in the chapel area because the area is so small to begin with.

A FORMER Jesuit turned university professor has set himself an ambitious project: rehabilitating the devil.

Henry Ansgar Kelly says Satan is the most maligned figure in history and has endured 17 centuries of unjustified character assassination.

"For 1700 years Satan has been the enemy of God, whereas in the Bible he works for God, he’s his prime minister or attorney-general, in charge of policing the world," Professor Kelly said.

"He is one of God’s angels, and his job is to test people."

The 71-year-old University of California professor has played devil’s advocate for four decades, and is the author of many books and scholarly articles.

The devil did not have a kingdom, did not rule over hell, and did not try to damn people, Professor Kelly said. These ideas had developed from the second to the fourth centuries AD, and were refined for the next 1000 years. Professor Kelly said it was important to recapture the biblical understanding of Satan to combat the doctrine of original sin, "in which the whole human race is delivered to Satan".

"That’s the most immoral doctrine in Christianity, that the whole of the human race is doomed to hell for something they didn’t do. Once you get rid of that, Christianity becomes less unreasonable."

As if the devil needed anybody else doing PR work for him. He already has so many people volunteering their services. The diatribe against the doctrine of original sin is even sillier and the whole human race doomed to hell is a straw man argument against the doctrine. This doctrine was one of the easiest ones to understand as I moved away from atheism since it explains so much and can be frequently observed. As Fr. Groechel says to people who don’t believe in original sin that he invites them to come to the Bronxs.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – A controversial television seance airing on Monday will claim it has reached the spirit of John Lennon, but viewers will have to pay $9.95 to find out what the peace-loving Beatle has to say.

I think he says "Imagining there is no Heaven is not such a hot idea after all."

Thomas at American Papist writes:

Well, I’ve been thinking, we need a good nickname for Cardinal Levada now that he is the head of CDF.

Hmm, let’s see, if Ratzinger was "God’s Rottweiler" and we want to continue the canine theme … how about "The Golden Retriever" for Levada?

"Golden" because of Levada’s San Francisco origins (the Golden Gate bridge…) and "Retriever" because many people consider him to be a glorified messenger boy for the ex-head of CDF, Il Papa himself.

Huh? Dig it? Someone wanna bite? Does it have wings? 😛

If some brave soul wants to photoshop something together I’d be much obliged. 😉

Interesting nickname and time will tell it’s aptness. I might not be a brave soul or at least not brave enough to photohop the prefect of the CDF’s head on a dog’s body, but I attempted something else.

My only hope is that he doesn’t turn out to be God’s puffy dog – a show dog with no teeth.

Thinking about the readings from today’s Mass I realized that it discussed the the most famous case of heartburn in history.

"Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the scriptures?"

You do wonder after they broke bread and their eyes were opened and he vanished what they thought? Did Cleopas blame the other disciple for possible bad table manners scaring off Jesus? It is easy to read this passage and start to plummet its deep significance in light of the Eucharistic. You would have to think that these two must have wondered what the heck had just happened. Though maybe after having a long discourse in Biblical interpretation of Moses and the Prophets from God himself perhaps they had some inkling.

Though more seriously may all of our eyes be opened and that we recognize Christ in this awesome sacrament.

Mary J. Blige says she has found religion, but she makes no apologies for her earthly materialism. In fact, she says God has willed her to wear bling.

“My God is a God who wants me to have things,” the singer tells May’s Blender magazine. “He wants me to bling. He wants me to be the hottest thing on the block. I don’t know what kind of God the rest of y’all are serving, but the God I serve says, ‘Mary, you need to be the hottest thing this year, and I’m gonna make sure you’re doing that’.”

Blige also is not modest when it comes to her place in history. “I do consider myself part of black history,” she told the mag. “Since 1991, I’m still doing this and I’m successful. And I haven’t hurt anyone in the process.”

And Jesus said to her "One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." But when she heard this she became sad, for she had much bling.