Humor

Look, I am as much in favor of scientific and technical precision in terminology as the next guy, but scientists should learn something from lawyers: a terminology that confuses more than it clarifies has failed in its function. In law, we have both what is called a Rule of Adverse possession (which states that if a squatter is in open, notorious, unchallenged and continuous possession for 20 years, he gets title) and a thing called the Grandfather Clause ( which allows that rights under the previous statute cannot be lost when the statute is amended). In other words, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

While there is nothing wrong with a definition of ‘minor planets’ that identifies smaller and eccentric bodies like Sedna or Ceres, Pluto has been a planet since 1930.

It is an Ex Post Facto law to strip it of its dignity; I would call it unconstitutional! I am an American, so I say, let’s put together a class action suit and sue on behalf of Pluto. (If the plaintiffs in ACLU v NSA have standing, anyone has standing to sue on any hypothetical case).

Now, if the international conference of scientists with too much time on their hands wanted to rename the body from Pluto, to, say, YUGGOTH, that would be cool.

I’m with John C. Wright on this. This is pure discrimination we should at least make Pluto an honorary Planet. Why hasn’t the Pluto Deformation League responded to this ‘minor planet’ slander? This is demotion without probable cause. I am tempted to join with Dale and become an Old Solorist.

Anathema Sit!

That describes my view of the new planet-counting proposal offered at the International Astronomy Union’s General Assembly this week.

If it passes, I hereby declare I will become an Old Solarist, and acknowledge nine–and only nine–planets.

Twelve is right out.

Henceforth, anyone who tries to call Ceres a planet or makes reference to "plutons" will be cast into the outer darkness (a/k/a the Oort Cloud).

So let it be written, so let it be done.

First them came for Pluto, but I did not speak out because I was not a Plutonian. What planet is next on this solar system size slippery astronomical slope?

Just weeks after San Francisco Catholic Charities announced that they had found a compromise in handling cases of adoption of children to homosexual partners, other San Francisco diocesan departments have decided to follow their example.

Brian Cahill, the head of the diocesan-funded Catholic Charities, announced that three staff members will be working with a non-profit adoption agency, California Kids Connection, that has no moral qualms about placing children in homosexual households.

Cahill said he believes this compromise with what the Vatican sees as a “grave evil” will be in keeping with Catholic directives not to be “directly involved in the placement” of a child in a gay household .

Now other diocesan departments have announced similar changes to the way they operate.

David Rankin, of the San Francisco diocesan Life and Family department, announced yesterday that “we obviously don’t refer women for abortions, as that would be gravely immoral, so from now on all women who come to us with a crisis pregnancy will be referred to the local Planned Parenthood clinic for counseling.”

Go read the rest of this great piece of satire over at The Ox Files.

Via a reader this story about British tourist at Lourdes.

"We come here to party after being reverential all day," said Susan Clare, a 19-year-old student from south London.

Cue a pious version of the Kiss’ anthem "I wanna be reverential all day and party every night"

A cathedral shook up its Sunday evening worship with a pioneering Elvis Presley night that attracted 900 people.

Some of the congregation wore T-shirts paying tribute to "the King", clutched programmes with Elvis’s face on them and sang and clapped throughout the 75-minute service, which was led by an impersonator, Johnny Cowling.

Truro Cathedral, which moved its traditional evensong to 4.30pm last Sunday to make way for worship led by the impersonator, says it now wants to become even more adventurous because ordinary services "do not connect with people".

Colin Reid, a spokesman for the cathedral, said: "The Elvis evening was a rip-roaring success. "Elvis" sang a series of gospel songs and in between the head of worship, Canon Perran Gay, reflected on the significance of the lyrics.

"Everyone loved it. There were many people there who never normally darken the doors of a church or a cathedral. That was the point."

However, the cathedral, which has also conducted Sunday evening worship through country and western music, jazz and poetry, has a problem – how do you follow Elvis?

Mr Reid said: "The Elvis event far exceeded expectations and dwarfed attendance for the jazz and country and western, but the question is where do you go from here? You can’t beat Elvis."

He added: "This seemed to really work, so we are going for something more adventurous, which does not include music. The plans are still being considered."
[Via TheWorld…IMHO]

A couple of years back I exposed the real truth about Elvis and his Catholic connection.

Or go here to hear Elvis singing Miracle of the Rosary.

If you have $50 and want to go to a prayer breakfast in Orange County, this is for you. With all the brownouts and other electrical problems in California this event could also be used to end all of their energy problems. Guest speakers include he Most Reverend Charles J. Chaput, Archbishop of Denver and The Most Reverend Tod Brown, Bishop of Orange. If the Enterprise could use matter-antimatter collisions to fuel a starship surely these two could do the same thing. Though I am rather worried about what could happen if they shook hands? Would they annihilate each other and simply disappear and be replaced by some new particle such as an ELECTron as in one of the elect. I know this new particle would have a neutral charge since Rom 8:33 says "Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect?" How much of the world could we power with these new orthodox/heterodox energy plants? Though I think the cost of losing a good bishop is too high.

If you are in a mood for some penance you could attend the prayer breakfast at Our Lady of the "Angles" by Cardinal Roger Mahony, Archbishop of Los Angeles.

Via Vatican Watcher:

“The status of clergy has declined in the U.S. and around the world,” Gultier said. “People used to hold up the clergy as a pillar. Now it’s seen as just another low-paying, white-collar job.”

I wonder if the white-collar part was intentional? Even funnier it the author didn’t make the connection to the Roman collar. Of course anyone attracted to the priesthood because it was well paying, probably wasn’t being called in the first place. Though like for all Christians it does have a great retirement plan unless you opted for the millstone package.

Today is the memorial of Pope Sixtus and his companion martyrs. A little known fact is that Pope Sixtus along with these four deacons were as inseparable in life as they were in death. They did everything together and were always seen together around Rome at the time. In fact the slang for a close group of friends became known as a Sixtus pack.

Habakkuk: The Discovery of the Book We Already Knew About

A reader has started a new blog dedicated to noisy churches.

This site is for you, if the noise before your Liturgy / Service prevents you and others from saying your prayers. If the same is true about the noise and chattering during the service – you’re just as welcome.

We shall be awarding icons of 1, 2, or 3 stars to Churches / Congregations who satisfy us as being worthy of note and more importantly – improvement.

Please DO email us with a description of a Church you know or attend. Be SPECIFIC regarding the noise problem and if possible, provide us with a link to it’s website or email (photos would be good too!)

This is NOT about ridicule. It’s about making our churches into Sacred Spaces to be with / before the Lord and hear what he has to say to us.

That said, we won’t be too serious either.

Now when it comes to noisy parishes we can just grin and bear it, but I think we can spend some time grinning about the subject also. Instead of just griping we can also laugh on the subject also. But it is a subject many can commiserate on. My own parish does not have this problem, but when I attend Mass at other parishes I have definitely heard the phenomenon while attempting to pray prior to or after Mass. Even Jesus would leave to go to a quiet place to pray. He didn’t just head to the gates in Jerusalem or other noisy places to pray.

Some parishes sound like a movie theater prior to a movie. Sometimes you can almost imagine a parish having to play one of those "Silence is Golden" clips that often get played just before a movie starts. Reminders to turn off their cell phone and to not add their own sound track to the movie. From my own limited experience I have noticed the amount of noise to be a reciprocal of the reverence of the Mass. The more reverent the Masses said the least likely people are talking before it. The more the Mass is intended as what seems to be just entertainment the more it is treated as such.

In fact I can think of a career opportunity in this field.

A consulting firm that goes around measuring the noise in Church could be a grand idea. A db (Devotional Boundary) meter would be required. The higher the reading the less chance of devotion will occur. The measurement is logarithmic for example just a 3 Devotional Boundary increase would be the equivalent from just three people talking around you to fifty people talking around you. Another 3 db increase and more-than-likely only people who are deaf can pray.

Though maybe just taking readings and later publishing them will not be that effective. Putting signs around entrances to the church would probably be as effective as posted speed signs.

Though possibly we could set up something like those radar speeds signs posted on trailers showing your current speed could be effective. These usually do make people more aware and to slow down wherever these trailers are found.

Something like this.