As the temperature dips into the low single digits (or below zero according to some), I ran into some particularly Catholic experiences this morning. So here is my "A Catholic knows it is cold when:"
– Your lips freeze to the metal crucifix as you kiss your Rosary for the morning commute.
– You bless yourself with holy ice instead of holy water from the font by the front door.
– You experience an apparition walking by the front yard statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary; she isn’t crying, but she appears to be shivering.
– The Rosary swinging from the rear view mirror chips ice off the windshield as you slam on the brakes.
and the number one way to know it is cold (not exclusive to Catholics)
– The environmentalists stop talking about global warming.
Funny stuff. Now here is my Florida counterpoint.
A Catholic knows it’s hot when.
- You fill up your Holy Water font five times a day because it keeps evaporating.
- You have a cross shaped burn mark on your lip from kissing your crucifix.
- You squeeze to rinse your scapular daily because of the all the sweat it has absorbed.
- You never buy a Rosary with black beads because they retain too much heat.
- The plastic Jesus on your dashboard melted.
- There are no miraculous statues of Mary since her tears evaporate before anybody notices anything.
- You burned your fingers blessing yourself at Mass from a Holy Water font warmed by sunlight through the stained glass windows.
- Your church bulletin is printed on asbestos.
And the number one way Catholics know that it is hot
- You start to wonder just how bad Purgatorial flames can be in the first place.