WASHINGTON, DC (Roto Reuters) A group of progressive Christians from different denomination in a new group called Commonwhine meet this week at The Fairmont in Washington, D.C. The main agenda was dominated with talk about the second coming of Christ. Acting president of Commonwhine Rosemary Jones speaking for the conference issued the following statement.
"Christians for two thousand years have been talking about the second coming and yet we are still waiting. What is God’s exit strategy for the human race? What is the timetable for our withdrawal? Yet still time goes on and on and sin continues. In the global war on error we do not see any decline in error. Jesus very early on declared mission accomplished when he said "it is finished" and then "but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." Where is the evidence of this in the modern world? Adam and Eve were evicted from their land and then their descendents were promised a ‘new heavens and a new earth’, but yet we are still refugees on this earth."
"We demand that God give us a timetable for withdrawal from earth and that he keep all promises made. We don’t buy his not knowing the day or hour and that not even the angels in Heaven are not kept in the loop. If this is true that only the Father knows, then this is a ridiculous level of compartmentalization within the Trinity and we demand that the Father be transparent and at least let the other members of the Trinity in on his exit strategy for the human race. Two thousand years is long enough We can not sustain six billion people and yet our deployment time keeps getting extended."
"We also have some concerns about God being corrupted by big oil. In the Gospel of Matthew he tells a parable where women are actually discriminated against and denied entrance because they did not fill up on oil. He even went so far as to say that he didn’t even know them just because they hadn’t sucked up to big oil and were concerned about global warming and the effects of oil lamps on the environment. We are also very concerned about a passage in Ezekiel that says ‘Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you, and anointed you with oil.’ I must reiterate what our group has repeatedly said ‘No blood for oil.’ "
Thanks. I needed that laugh!
I and my two black cats, Augustine and Thomas Aquinas (aka Augie and Tommy), would like to protest the portrayal of a black cat in hell. Fcchhhh hisss
lol! that’s so great. thanks.
Roto Reuters… heh heh…
This is pretty clever stuff, especially the allusion to the “mission accomplished” fiasco.
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