Parody

Moloch now has his own movie review at his blog.

I think I am having just a little too much fun being Moloch. The genesis of the Moloch Now blog came when I read on After Abortion that Banned Parenthood had it’s own blog. I immediately thought “Hey if they can have one why not Moloch?”

I was a little surprised at all the people who linked to this blog and played along by emailing me questions directed to Moloch. They also have left comments also in the spirit of what is really a pro-life blog in the satirical POV of Moloch.

Another surprise was how many wanted to be listed on the blogroll under “Enemies.” So I have been adding those names to the blog roll as requests came in. I plan to maintain this Moloch blog on a semi-regular basis. Unfortunately there are just too many stories more appropriate for him.

Now that John Kerry has probably clinched the nomination for President by the Democrats his career is receiving even more attention. More people are becoming aware of a period in his life after returning from Vietnam. In a Curt Jester exclusive we have obtained some of the actual testimony that Sen. John Kerry gave before Congress in the so-called “Wintermint Soldier Investigation.”

“They told stories that at times they had personally offered old Wintermint gum to children and women. This gum soon lost its taste and they kept brands like Wrigleys to themselves. They randomly offered this gum to civilians, gave it out in villages in a fashion reminiscent of Ghengis Khan, and offered it to cattle and dogs for fun. Throughout the countryside of South Vietnam in addition to the normal ravage of war and the normal and very particular offering of this gum. In some cases they even chewed and placed this gum on people’s genitals.”

We were rather surprised at these revelations since for the most part Sen. Kerry’s voting record has been anti-gum and he has refused to take money from the gum lobby. Even going so far as voting for a gum ban for gum chewed on Saturday nights. Additionally he has tried to reduce loop holes for the selling of gum at gum shows. Is this because of a guilty conscience? Did Sen. Kerry also offer stale Wintermint gum to civilians?

	Al Qaeda Travel Agency
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[Details via Relapsed Catholic]

Rome (Roto Reuter) The Vox Clara Committee that is chaired by Archbishop George Pell recently came to an impasse in the English translation of liturgical documents. The Committee discussed and offered its comments and advice to the Congregation regarding developments in arrangements made at various levels for the drafting of English-language translations of liturgical texts. In particular, the Committee was pleased to hear of recent initiatives by the International Commission on English in the Liturgy to assure the effective application of the principles of Liturgiam authenticam to the processes and principles underlying the timely translation of the Missale Romanum, editio typica tertia into the English language. Archbishop Pell believed that they were truly following the principles contained in Liturgiam authenticam and that they were on the right track and wanted to be sure. “We looked at the new texts and we thought that they were faithful to the original Latin, but to make sure one of us decided to send a copy to the National Catholic Reporter. Well they didn’t like it at all and had many criticisms that our translations were too close to the Latin text and were to hard to pray. Well that was the confirmation we needed, if they didn’t like it then we were certainly doing a good jobs.”

Archbishop Pell went on to talk to several other curial officials at the Vatican about this idea to help to both shorten the editing process and to ensure the orthodoxy of the resulting documents. “By submitting all Vatican documents to the National Catholic Reporter and then gauging their reaction we can know where we are in the process. If they have little or no comments then we know that we need to start from scratch and do a total rewrite. If we have reams of negative comments then we know it’s ready to publish.”

I have added a new parody to the Songs for Bush site called Kerry On Wayward Son, based on a Kansas song.

First Jesterware brought you Deanings which brought you the game play of Lemmings to the Dean Campaign.

Now Jesterware brings you the next in the series of political arcade action gaming. General Wesley Clark’s campaign combined with the classic Tetris to give you Clarktris.

The objective is to rectify statements made a long time ago in his more conservative vigor (nine months ago) with the present statements of his campaign. Two colors of blocks drop down from the screen and you maneuver them to cancel each other out. Alternatively Red and Blue blocks drop that are tied to specific statements. The statement displayed on the right goes with the current block and you must manipulate it’s block to come in contact with and to eliminate the apparent differences.

Using your mouse or the keyboard you apply spin control to move the block-statements 360 degrees to land on and cancel out the previous block-statements. If you fail to do so the apparent consistency keep piling up resulting in Campaign Over.

For example, simply place the anti-Iraq war statements onto the pro-Iraq war statements. Connect the Kosovo is important to national security with the Iraq has no affect on national security block-comments. This is easier said then done. Already one campaign head has fallen to the pressure of reconciling irreconcilable statements.

As the skill level increases so do the difficulty of statements. His past contrary statements keep popping out of the woodwork and you must act quickly before they are picked up by the internet media.

Exciting and challenging game-play

Includes Argyle Sweater Mode – to appeal to women gamers.

DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe and Clinton Backer Mode – Only for the foolhardy, this is the kiss of death for political gaming. Difficult for even the most experienced at block spin-control

I will keep you safe mode – guaranteed no terrorists attacks during game-play.

Only candidate to negotiate end to the war Mode – Also known as no one cares mode.

Madonna support mode -add’s nothing to game play

Jesterware presents the latest in interactive political gaming, Deanings.

Deanings are darling little creatures who follow Vermont governors over the political abyss. Your goal is to try to stop them from committing political suicide. This is no easy task. Deanings are dense angry militantly anti-war creatures who no matter what comes out of their leaders mouth, gladly follow him over the edge.

Your weapons are the truth and the Governor’s record. You must apply these with skill since Deanings are pretty much resistant to this. Another of your foes is the major media bias. When you try to use your weapons the media comes in and neutralizes them with massive spin weapons equivalent to daisy cutters.

In Deanings, score doesn’t matter. The counter shows the current money raised, but this is all to no avail if only one state goes Deans way.

Game play is high speed and you must be really quick to stop a Deanings before it flip-flops and changes direction.

Contains geopolitical game play. In the North you can select “Separation of Church and State” mode and in the South “Committed Believer of Jesus” mode.

Occasionally Bin Ladens and Saddam Hussiens will appear on the screen, ignore these. Deanings aren’t sure they are guilty and killing them won’t improve game safety.

Often times Deanings will roll up their sleeves and start shouting out incoherent ideas. You can safely ignore this during game play. This is their default behavior.

(Screen Shot)

As an added bonus Deanings includes RPG (Role Playing Game) features and you can increase your points with experience.
For added realism Foreign Policy points start at zero.

Reviews
This game is just as good as it’s predecessors, Mondale and Dukakis. —Political Gaming

This game is really hard, not for the beginner. Keeping Deanings from falling over the cliff takes a master gamer. — National Gaming Review

One out of Fifty Stars, just like the election. —Conservative Games

The most interesting theory that I heard, which I did not believe, was that the Saudis had tipped Bush off to this game.
—Dr. Howard Dean

(Roto Reuters) Hours after Dean declared himself a “metrosexual,” the buzz phrase for straight men in touch with their feminine side, another news conference was held.

His feminine side has gone to court and a judge has issued a restraining order against Howard Deans male side. “He kept trying to get in touch with me, even though I told him I was not interested. I am just not that impressed with the male side”

Michelle of And
Then? in the post
below on the combined Catholic/Anglican Church recommended that I might
parody what their bulletin might look like. I decided to parody a fictional
combined Catholic/Anglican Church.

St. Thomas More & King Henry VIII Roman/Anglo-Catholic Church At each others necks since the 1500s Established 2001 Fr. Joseph Maria Maria Fr. Luther Smyth Calvin