FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Psycho Media Products Incorporated
Are you a possible future mass murderer? If so you will be interested to hear of our new product the Mass Murderer Press Kit! You are busy with your first victims and then you remember you need to send stuff off to an news organization like NBC, what do you do? You don’t want to get the address wrong and plus there are other logistics to consider.
The Mass Murderer Press Kit contains pre-addressed address labels for the mainstream media of your choice. Some amateur mass murderers even get the address wrong when sending their kit. When you are busy killing people you might forget about the timing of your package. Our kit includes pickup times for package delivery services so that when they receive your Mass Murderer Press Kit they will have plenty of time to say they agonized over the decision before they show it on the evening news.
The Mass Murderer Press Kit comes with DVD authoring software so that when they show your video you won’t look like some amateur. The software easily exports to media formats that are used by cable news so they won’t have to waste time converting it first. Our software also contains transcription services so that your incoherent rants on video will be ready for instant publishing. You can even set the video to be watermarked with ,for example, the NBC logo so that they will have one less step to do before sending it out to every other media outlet.
Also included are basic tips on photographing and lighting so that when you pose with guns, knives, hammers etc you will look your best. You will learn the types of poses that cable news outlets and newspapers love to show.
Our Mass Murderer Press Kit enable a high copycat rate. With our professional kit you know your face will be beamed around the world encouraging others to imitate your actions. We guarantee several copycats or your money back – or of course refunded to the surviving relative of your choice.
You might wonder what if I get this kit, send it in, and then the media refuses to play it so as not to encourage others to do the same? We at Psycho Media Products, Inc can confidently assure you that your worries are baseless. In the media world exclusivity pretty much trumps all other considerations.
Funny but sad that our media continue to do the bidding of these terror merchants. Ever since
Columbine I have thought that there should be legislation preventing the publishing of any names or photos of the perpetrator/s. Punishment for doing so should involve the confiscation of computers and publishing equipment as well as hefty fines. The object of this type of law would be to create a virtual black hole into which these type of criminals “vanish” never to be heard of again.
Of course the MSM would cry foul as soon as any restriction of the press was proposed. The way I see it tho is if the 2nd amendment right to bear arms can be modified or clarified, so can the freedom of the press. I wonder if any legislators out there might be able to take this kind of idea and refine it enough to make it work. Just wondering.
I agree with you in theory, Chris, but the problem with such legislation would be that anyone who is offended could bring legal action against the news companies. I could see the ACLU or Planned Parenthood using a law like that to keep anyone from reporting news they didn’t like. In fact, legislation like that would open this blog to legal action if it reported news like that of say, “Dr.” Tiller and his abortuary in Kansas.
Liturgical Triage – hysterical.
Mass Murder Media – not so much.