Bill Cork reports that the infamous St. Joan of Arc parish in Minneapolis now has a new pastor appointed – Fr. Jim DeBruycker. It had previously looked liked the Interim Parish Life Administrator might be the diocese solution for this problematic and virtually schismatic parish. Unfortunately the choice of Fr. Jim DeBruycker who has been a regular for presider for Dignity at the Newman Center looks like more of the same. Dignity is of course organization that hawks pro-homosexual activity and same-sex marriage agenda – the antithesis of a group like Courage that is faithful to Church teaching. The fact that St. Joan’s had previously asked him to interview for them doesn’t exactly give you a warm feeling about his orthodoxy. St. Joan’s wanting you is like an anti-imprimatur.
Though I have been working on exercising my charitable imagination as to why the Bishop might decide that a vibrant and orthodox priest was not what St. Joan’s truly needed. Possibly he is using an approach like a nicotine patch. That is he will slowly wean the congregation at St. Joan’s away from their heterodoxy with a succession of more and more faithful pastors. After the wildly heterodox Fr. Wertin’s who participated in gay pride parades and constantly invited politicians whose goals were quite discordant from the Church to speak maybe Fr. DeBruycker will be an improvement. Since Fr. DeBruycker is a priest that was about to retire this won’t be any kind of long term replacement and maybe the priest who succeeds him will even accept the Church’s teaching on marriage and homosexuality. Maybe even one day you could even find a catechism within the wall of St. Joan’s of Arc without them running in horror.
Though I do like the idea of a nicotine patch approach and maybe we could see a product lie this soon (we can only hope).
Because instead of going "cold turkey" the DissiDerm RC patch helps your theological system to slowly wean itself from watered-down Catholicism and the columns of Fr.Greeley. If your theological immune system has been weakened by years of theological abuse and your tired of your theology stinkin’ up the place then DissiDerm RC is for you.
Just use one of our specially made patches once a day and in no time at all you can look at a picture of our Holy Father Pope Benedict XVI without cursing! Sound too good to be true? Then just listen to just some of our satisfied customers.
Echo Thoren a member of SJA who works securing the 1000 plastic seats for Mass in the gym was rather hesitant about the DissiDerm, but had this to say "When I first tried using DissiDerm oh it burned and burned and so I had to use one of the weaker patches. I am surprised at the results. I actually said Father, Son, and Holy Spirit without injecting feminine pronouns or substituting the divine names with other nouns like creator, redeemer, and sanctifier without breaking out in too much of a sweat. Though there are side effects. I can no longer appreciate the Masses held in the gym like I use to and I actually found myself thumbing through a book by George Weigel!"
Read this amazing testimonial by Fr. Richard P. McBrien from the University of Notre Dame. "One of my students of whom I know suspect must be connected to this blog tricked me by telling me that this patch was really the latest in protest badges and that this white round sticker symbolized the Eucharistic host and specifically solidarity with women who were not allowed to be priests. I can’t tell you the contrary feelings it caused as my theologically heterodox immune system fought it with all it could muster. I knew something was wrong when I started looking around for my old clerical collar to wear. I was proofreading one of the columns I was about to send in and I noticed something wrong with it. It diverged substantially from the consistent truth as taught by the Church Jesus established and just quite frankly stunk. I started looking through my old columns and was horrified to find what I had wrote throughout the years was equally mediocre. I must have been theologically insane to utter such trite nonsense and I don’t understand why anybody put up with this vapid silliness for all these years. I rewrote my column using sources like the Fathers of the Church and other rich veins of Catholic thought from our magnificent tradition, though unfortunately for the first time the National Catholic Reporter rejected my column. I am even thinking of submitting it to the National Catholic Register instead? Thank you DissiDerm RC!"
Cardinal Roger Michael Mahony Archbishop of Los Angeles. "I volunteered as a test subject just to prove how ridiculous this concept was. After a week I was convinced that it indeed had no effect on me, but when I drove to the Cathedral I found some concrete monstrosity resembling a parking garage. I had at first though I drove to the wrong place and then I realized that not only was this hideous looking thing a Cathedral but that I was the one that was responsible for having it built. All I can say is mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Now if you will excuse me I am off to re-read what has now come to be one of my favorite encyclical Redemptionis Sacramentum and to encourage some of my parish churches to be open to the indult Tridentine Mass and to ensure that all Masses our reverent and conducted in conformance to Church instruction."
Yes you too will be amazed at the results as you go from heterodoxy to orthodoxy. That you actually find yourself believing in the resurrection of Christ and that your a sinner in need of redemption. Words like dialogue and phrase lik "Christ event" will drop from your vocabulary, though don’t blame us if your subscription to Commonweal no longer makes sense to you. Buy now and receive a free hardcover Catechism which will be sent to you after you have been on the program for a minimum of two weeks so as not to cause a theological shock. Instead of being watered-down be born of water and spirit and rejoice in the splendor of truth.
Since Nicoderm helps you quit Nicotine, shouldn’t it be the HeresiDerm patch, or HeteroDerm patch (though that could be misconstrued as helping a heterosexual become gay gradually). OrthoDerm sounds like it weans you off of orthodoxy.
Thanks good catch, I updated the post.
Jeff I would like to order some ot these for some of my sisters and friends. Although, I’m the one they think needs to wake up and get with the times. I’m so out dated. Speaking of out dated, is there an expiration date on this patch? I’d hate to get them and find out I only had a few months to pull it off, I mean put it on…..I mean….you know.
Terrific post! Don’t forget a DissiDerm patch for Andrew Sullivan. “After 2 weeks on the patch, I actually started to wonder if having gay sex with numerous strangers was something the Lord might disapprove of. Needless to say, I ripped the accursed thing off my arm immediately. Whew! That was a close one. Once again, I have no doubts that Jesus loves me just the way I am and only desires to see me marry my boyfriend with the blessing of the Catholic Church. Now, if only the Church would realize that,…,”
Do you ship international? We’ll need a few here Down Under before the next WYD comes to our patch.
Also, is it available in a tranquilizer-type gun format? There are some tough characters who really need it, and we might be able to surprise them from behind as they flit from one religious education conference to conference.
Yet another hilarious commercial by Jeff. You go man!
Incidentally, the parish I serve as music director and organist, Holy Ghost Church in Tiverton, RI, has “Courage”. I don’t know squat about “Dignity”, but I do understand that “Courage” is geared to help the homosexual to live a chaste life (maybe transform them eventually to go straight, who knows – hopefully).
All I know is that St. Joan’s needs all the prayers in the world to that hopefully their liturgical life will be more chaste. 🙂
BMP (happily married to a wonderful wife, and a father of four)
Do clergy get discounts?
Uh oh! Jeff, I didn’t see one of your famous WARNING stickers. I believe the side effects are something along these lines:
May cause watery eyes at the sight of True Presence of the Lord in the consecrated hands of the priest. May induce vomiting of indigestable bits of heresy. Cravings to find the tabernacle when immediately entering a church followed by a buckling of the knee. Prolonged usage MAY BE HABIT forming, (Benedictine, Dominican, Franciscan….)
Prolonged usage MAY BE HABIT forming,
I’m dying here.
lol Teresa!!! That was awesome. You got it.
“Quit heterodoxy now! RC” it says!
Oh. All right.
I need that bulk order for Australia too, Venerable Aussie and Jeff… I plan on giving them to locals here at various events that I will now attend with malice in mind… I’ll tell them it’s the latest in spiritual ecumenism, that it will make them all one; that should work.
“Wear it proudly on your foreheads like Hindus. or on your arms like some wiccan mark.” I’ll tell them… “Ignore the resemblance to consecrated Hosts and the In Hoc Signo on them; that’s just to “fool” the Pope and Traditionalists…”.
Give us a few years, then expect some fervent missionaries from my newly-orthodox Diocese, with our Bishop who’ll probably end up canonised instead of condemned… And it’ll be all thanks to DissiDerm (and the Holy Spirit)!
Good stuff, again and per norm. Are you sure you haven’t worked for an ad agency before?
A bulk order for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee and make it snappy.
HAHAHA!!! Where can I get some?!
And one to my former parish in Warwick, RI – at warp speed, if not faster. 🙂
Hey, is that THE Archbishop Dolan “in the house”? If so, I saw you the other day on EWTN and I think you’re terrific. Keep up the great work!
Wow. This patch could make the manufacturer very rich!
You’ve probably already heard the news that St. Joan’s has a new pastor. It’s unclear if it will reduce the need for said patch or not.
Ok, I was so taken by the pictures and the testimonies, especially from my Cardinal, that I failed to read the first paragraph… and hence the nonsensical comment about what was already common knowledge in the blogosphere…
Does this patch lead to a craving for Vitamin B16? Great work Jeff.
SJA will ALWAYS be a source of amusement to me. Seriously, it will not get old. EVER. Keep plugging, dude, you are hilarious!
Joan’s had previously asked him to interview for them
What? Dude…what? Does any parish in the US get to interview potential pastors? Wow.
In other words, if you’re providing that patch in tranq-gun format, do you think you can sponsor an episode of “Crocodile Hunter”.
“Crikey, that’s a gaggle of womyn ordainees gathered by that watering hole. While they may look dowdy and harmless from afar, up close they can be vicious killers as evidenced by the half-eaten carcas of a pro-life protester.”
*Thwup* *Thwup* *Thwup* *Thwup*
In other /news/
The reading for today is Luke 18:9-14
 And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others:
 Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.
 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.
 I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
 And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.
Wow, that’s really cruel humor. I wouldn’t be comfortable ridiculing any priest like that, no matter how much we disagreed.
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Ah here you ortho-tradito-papal-oxodarians go again.
Making judgements on others heterodoxy and poking fun of them. This simply shows the immaturity and lack of charity inherent in your line of thinking.
Last time I looked, the word catholic meant universal..how do you think the Catholic Church got its name… it is everything (and anything) to anybody . Who do these people think they are by besmirching such academic and theological giants like Father Dick. And calling Cardinal Baloney, I ‘m sorry that was a typo,Cardinal Mahoney anything but a prince of the church, is a cheap ad hominem attack. And calling the very noble apostolate and outreach to queers, I mean people of homosexual persuasion, Dignity, anything but the kind and gentle and understanding program it is, is just plain wrong and soo insensitive.
Go re-read …or for you pre-vatican 2 dreamers, read for the first time those musings of the get together held in rome during the 60’s. Its all about peace & love…to be involved you need to go along to get along. Come on man, we need to meet people where they hang out. We can’t put some guilt trip on people and make them feel bad… we can’t ask them to live up to standards that the rest of the world thinks are degrading to women, that suppress ones own urges, that are centered on some thing or being or person that may or may not have existed a way long time ago. This is the 21st century dude, live the day, what feels good is good…you guys know latin– carpe diem.
You wonder why you Orthodox Catholics are so marginalized, hello… you just dont get it. Come on over to the lite side. Catholic Lite…gotta go, the Andy Greeley show is on the WB channel now.
May the supreme creator/createss who is representative of all peoples and all genders and all faiths be with you in spirit and in body, and may you be in tune with what grooves you. :))
Like your site, will come back.
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