Washington D.C. (Roto Reuters) Belleville Bishop Wilton D. Gregory, president of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, issued the following statement today:
Because of the crisis in vocations across the United States and the severe lack of personnel needed to provide the sacraments of the Church we have come up with a bold new plan. Following the business model of successful companies in the Unites States we have decided to outsource for our religious personnel.
Historically we have done something similar in the past which is why there are so many priest currently serving from Ireland. Unfortunately outsourcing from European countries that we have relied on before is no longer possible.
We have decided to go to India and outsource for Hindus to become Catholic priests and religious. They are already use to the use of statues in churches so their crossover training should not be too difficult. Some would argue that there is no way that Hindus can perform the services needed in the Catholic Church. But I assure you that these men believe as much in the teachings of the Catholic Church as many of those men we brought in from domestic sources in the 70s and 80s.