NEW YORK (AP) — Former President Bill Clinton has been tapped
for jury duty.
A questionnaire designed to help defense lawyers and
prosecutors select a jury for a federal attempted murder case indicated that
Prospective Juror No. 142 was actually William Jefferson Clinton.
…"Any particular question in Questionnaire 142
that you want to direct me to?" Judge Naomi Reice Buchwald asked the prosecutors,
the Times reported.
"All of them, judge," a prosecutor, Daniel M. Gitner,
“I suspect there has never been anyone who answered yes to
so many questions and survived the voir dire process,” said Buchwald, referring
to the next step in the jury selection process – a personal interview that prospective
jurors who were not removed by the judge would undergo.
I can just imagine the interview in the voir dire process:
Buchwald: Please state your name.
Clinton: I would plead the fifth on that.
Buchwald: Excuse me, you can’t plead the fifth for a jury
Clinton: Oh sorry, force of habit. It depends on what the
meaning of name is. People have called me plenty of names and I have gone by
Buchwald: Just the name on your birth certificate please.
Clinton: William Jefferson Clinton.
Buchwald: State your occupation.
Buchwald: No not your preoccupations but your current job.
Clinton: Lecher. Oops I meant lecturer.
Buchwald: Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
Clinton: No not yet, I mean no.
Buchwald: Do you know anything or have any involvement in this
current case before us.
Clinton: Well that semi-plump women looks familiar.
Buchwald: What? No that’s the court stenographer please direct
your attention to the defendants in this murder case.
Clinton: Well it wasn’t murder it was a suicide and it really did
happen at Ft. Marcy park and the FBI agents fired no shots at the compound and the Branch Davidians started the fire all on their own and I had nothing to do with all those people dying around me.
Buchwald: You must be confusing this case with something else,
we are trying an attempted murder by a gang.
Clinton: (Pointing his finger) I did not have contact with