Do some fish engage in coral sex?
Do female fish, when not in the mood, complain that they have a haddock?
Would the head of a fish army be the Sturgeon General?
CLEVELAND, Oct. 10 — Astronomers said on Friday that they had determined the time in cosmic history when a mysterious force, “dark energy,” began to wrench the universe apart.
Five billion years ago, said Dr. Adam Riess, an astronomer at the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore, the universe experienced a “cosmic jerk.” Before then, Dr. Riess said, the combined gravity of the galaxies and everything else in the cosmos was resisting the expansion, slowing it down. Since the jerk, though, the universe has been speeding up.
[Full Story]
I wonder if God might sue for slander. It was bad enough when people would say he didn’t exist but to resort to ad hominem attacks and to call him a “Cosmic Jerk” just goes to far. If only they got to know him they would find he is not a jerk at all.
Earlier my comments got spammed with multiple advertisement from some purveyor of filth. It was fairly easy to clean up and ban their IP, but beyond being annoying it really makes me angry. I would not wish hell on any person, yet I can well imagine various purgatorial schemes for them. In this case If only God told them on death that when they were purged and ready to enter the company of the saints that He would send them an email to notify them of this. Each day (or whatever goes for time in purgatory) they would receive thousands of emails to sort through and that they would have to go through each one to try to find the one that notifies them of their perfection and promotion to Heaven.
They would get trick subject lines like “Welcome to Heaven”, “From God”, “Your purgation is over!”, yet when they opened them up they would see something like.
How large is your faith life? If you desire perfection then order for a significant discount spiritual viagra because “For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life”
or
My name is Dr. Jackson Ali and I am one of the senior managers in the First Bank of Heaven. I work under an ArchAngel in a office that finances Angel to Human visits where we handle all the travel expenses. Angels are not really good at filling out all of the paperwork since they are always in a rush to run out singing Holy, Holy Holy in the Beatific Vision and as a result there is a large amount of unclaimed perdium sitting in our accounts. Since this money is unclaimed and unused I would like to be able to send it to apostolates in need of assistance. But because of strict Bank of Heaven rules I am unable to transfer it into one of our accounts directly. I need to be able to transfer this money to an account outside of Heaven’s territories, somewhere like Purgatory. I would be willing to offer you ten percent in transaction fees for of the millions of unclaimed dollars. If you could send me your back account number and follow my instructions perfectly within the next two weeks we could take care of this transaction promptly.
jackson@heaven.com
Cistercian monks in southern Poland hope to become the country’s first distributors of an ale brewed from a 17th century recipe. “We can’t divulge it, since our competitors on the brewery network never sleep,” said Father Eugeniusz Wlodarczyk, abbot of the monastery at Szczyrzyc. “All I can say is that the secret lies in a certain very special kind of yeast.” About 70 percent of Polish breweries are foreign-owned. The Cistercians also hope to obtain grants from the European Union to launch their own cheese and honey manufacturing operations. Church-run businesses are on the rise in Poland, 95 percent of whose 38 million inhabitants are Roman Catholic. Ventures run by parishes include transport and construction companies.
[Full Story]
Any why we are on the topic of yeast here is a book you are sure to want.
The Bible Cure for Candida & Yeast Infections
and while you are at it there is also The Bible Cure for Irritable Bowel Syndrome and also The Bible Cure for PMS and Mood Swings
The Philistines actually discovered The Bible Cure for Tumors, they returned the Ark of God to Israel..
There are many modern day vernacular translations of the Bible,
including slang ones for surfers and Australians. But where are the Bible Translations
for Computer Geeks? Jews, Gentiles and Nerds are not left out of God’s plan
for salvation so I have translated parts of the Bible into programming code.
There are many computer programmers in St. Blogs so if you notice any heretical
code let me know, I have not yet completed a heretical debugger for my Bible
Code. The syntax of the code should be simple even for the non-geek to
understand.
//Genesis and creation
switch( day )
case 1:
light = true;
case 2:
sea = true;
sky = true;
case 3:
land = true;
vegetation = true;
case 4:
sun = true;
moon = true;
stars = true;
case 5:
birds = true;
fish = true;
case 6:
man = true;
animals = true;
case 7:
break;
}
//Book of Judges
do while ( oldTestament = true )
{
fallIntoIdoloatry = true;
do while ( GodCallsJudge
= false )
{
// loops until statement is true
}
repent = true;
}
//Jesus' temptation in the desert
for ( int days=0;
days <= 40 ; ++days )
{
fast = true;
if ( days = 40 )
rebukeDevil = true;
)
//John the Baptist
I < Christ >;
or using C syntax
I-- & Christ++;
//Marriage at Cana
if ( wine = 0 & hourHasNotYetCome )
{
doWhateverHeTellsYou = true;
}
//Annunciation
if ( grace = "full" )
{
handmaidOfTheLord = true;
if ( accordingToThyWord
= true )
{
soul = "magnifyLord";
God <> "impossible";
Mary = "blessed";
fruitOfWomb = "blessed";
Incarnation = true;
redemption = true;
}
else
{
Incarnation = false;
redemption = false;
}
}
//Jesus
int Father, I;
Father & I = 1;
public class Trinity
(
persons = 3;
Father, Jesus, HolySpirit = 1;
public godhead Jesus()
{
God = true;
man = true;
}
)
//Rich young man
if ( obeyTenCommandments = true )
{
if ( desireToBePefect
= true & sellAllYouHave = true )
perfectionThroughGrace
= true;
else
walkAwaySad = true;
)
//Peter
for ( int roosterCrow=0;
roosterCrow<= 3 ;++roosterCrow )
{
peterDeniesChrist
= true;
if ( roosterCrow
= 3 )
peterWeeps = true;
)
//Paul
bool always = true;
while ( always )
{
pray = true;
}
Here is a pretty funny airline parody site called Sky High Airlines
A German psychologist is specialising in treating chickens and is helping them deal with problems ranging from gender issues to neurosis..
Barbara Luetzeler, from Bonn, is the country’s only chicken psychologist.
She says one of her cases involved a hen named Lucie who always wanted to be a cock.
“She was so dissatisfied she’d drive everybody out of her territory, even the cat,” the 38-year-old told the Express newspaper.
[Full Story]
I wonder if she also treats the rooster husbands that are hen pecked?
VANCOUVER – The Catholic Church is cancelling a VanCity financial education program in its schools because of the credit union’s “objectionable and harmful” pro-homosexual advertising material.
The ad features two men, cheek to cheek – with a caption reading, “I want to bank with people who value all partnerships.”
Vancouver Archbishop Adam Exner says the ads display public support for agendas which are worrisome and harmful to the church and to society.
Exner says the Catholic schools can’t continue to work with an organization that promotes homosexual relationships.
[Full Story]
They should have know there would be a problem from the beginning, the Bible specifically condemns VanCity.
He who loves money will not be satisfied with money; nor he who loves wealth, with gain: this also is VanCity.
and
VanCity of vanCities, says the Preacher, VanCity of vanities! All is VanCity.
I have seen everything that is done under the sun; and behold, all is VanCity and a striving after wind.
and
E’phraim is oppressed, crushed in judgment, because he was determined to go after VanCity
I didn’t prepare for Talk like a Pirate day this year, but I guess last years entry is still appropriate in light of recent law suits.
Matey, it is too bad that Napster is gone but we still have so many wonderful choices like KaZaA, Morpheus, WinMX and Grokster to ensure that no file is left unpirated. Intellectual property, something some scurvy-dog of a lawyer came up with. Shiver me-file shares, I can remember the old days of pirating disks and cassettes me bucko and of course copying Styx’s “Pieces of Eight”. Now time to leave the blog spot and get me grog and give someone a black spot.
Based on a post on Revolve magazine by Camassia, TS O’Rama of the blog with the real long Latin name posts:
This prompted a potential new form of blogger comedy – what would a teenage ‘zine bible for boys look like? I briefly thought along the lines of the Field & Stream…then Maxim…the only thing that immediately came to mind was:
The Ultimate Fantasy Football League – Rating Your Bible Heroes
This is obviously a job for Jeff Miller.
What a coincidence. We at the Curt Jester were just to go out on a magazine drive to hawk our latest publications. After carefully studying the 12-17 year old demographic and doing some marketing studies of what the average teenagers read, we came up with our two magazines for the Christian teen.
