Humor

The billboard shows the Madonna cradling a chicken in her arms and below reads a caption, “Go Vegetarian-It’s an Immaculate Conception.”

PETA intentionally chose Providence to launch its message because the state is home to the highest number of Roman Catholics.

The group hopes people will steer away from food that is killed.
[Full Story]

I like the inadvertent slip of “steer” away. PETA continues it’s campaign of using Christian imagery to try to make their case, but if they are going to work so hard to try to offend Catholics then at least they should get their dogmas straight. They have confused the Immaculate Conception with the Birth of Jesus which is a common Immaculate Miss-Conception. On December 8th we celebrate the Immaculate Conception of Mary. You would think that people would not get this confused since there is such a short period of time between December 8th and the Birth of Jesus on December 25. Either they believe that Mary was pregnant for only a little over two weeks or that she carried Jesus for over a year.

The silliness of the whole “Jesus is a vegetarian” thing really only backfires against PETA. They are not going to convince people to be vegetarians by lying to them. If Jesus was such a promoter of vegetarianism then he certainly gave off some mixed messages and metaphors. The whole killing of the Lamb for the Passover and Jesus being the sacrificial Lamb of God seems to give a different message. But maybe God really did want to use vegetables instead in sacrifice but gave up after some initial confusion. What if God had told Moses to tell the Israelites to sacrifice a vegetable such as the lentil plant. “You must sacrifice a lentil and then place the fluid on the door and lintel.” “What? How can I put the lentil on the lentil?” “No I said to put the lentil on the lintel, oh nevermind – sacrifice a lamb instead.”

I am personally glad that God did choose a lamb as the sacrificial image. It would be just strange to hear the “Potato of God, you take away the sins of the world”. Then again, what if instead of saying “I AM” he really said “I YAM.”

It would also sound weird if Isaac had said “Behold, the fire and the wood; but where is the Asparagus for a burnt offering?” and Abraham tells his son “God will provide the Asparagus” and then before Abraham attempts to sacrifice his son an Angel calls his attention to an Asparagus conveniently caught in a thicket behind him.

Have you ever noticed how exclusive the Bible is in reference to footwear. There are plenty of mentions of sandals such as the ones John the Baptist felt not worthy to carry or ones you knock the dust off when leaving a town that would not hear the Gospel. There are just no mentions of moccasins, boots, slippers, tennis shoes, high-heeled, or dress shoes. This constant harping about sandals is disturbing to those whose footwear attractions lead to other types. We need inclusive footwear language so that nobody is left out.

Should evangelizing be selective and only for those with sandals? Can’t we knock the dust off our boots or running gear? This is an issue of fairness in relation to footwear and the tolerance of other styles. There is neither Jew nor Greek, neither sandal or dress shoe wearers, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Just because 2000 years ago the Jewish culture had taboos about other forms of footwear can we not break through this cultural footwear stereotype?

But to be even more inclusive then we should also include those who eschew shoes and want to walk around with naked feet. After all our first parents Adam and Eve walked around with naked feet. Even after the fall they wore palm leaves and then the furs that God made them, yet their is no mention of them wearing either palm sandals or any other leather footwear. Now some people have hang-ups about seeing people with naked feet and the case made be put forth that out of charity we should cover them. We can not control who might have some kind of foot fetish, or is that feetish? This is just too small of a minority to restrict our freedom in Christ. Those who have a good foot image should be allowed to walk along as they desire.

We should not have to toe the line and be forced to listen to readings that reflect cultural footwear bias and we need to make Biblical footwear conform to present times. We need to change passages such as from John the Baptist to something more like “the thong or other device of whose sandal, boot, or any other type shoes I am not worthy to untie or remove in the case of lace-less shoes.”

Mark Shea talking about the Christian parody magazine The Door.

This reminds me of a Door article on genetic engineering
that came out years ago which proposed mixing the genetic material of various
people and getting offspring like “Martin Luther Vandross” (a German monk whose
sexy soul stylings prompt nuns to renounce their vows) and “Karl Barth Simpson” (a
precocious young theologian whose seminal essay on how the New Covenant eliminates
the need for Levitical animal sacrifice is entitled “Don’t Half a Cow, Man!”
[Post]

Cool concept, here are some additions of my own:

• John Calvin Klien, a theologian who teaches double-predestination in the
  latest fashions.
• Albert the Great Collins, A church father who lays down
  the blues groove
  with his theological Telecaster.
• John Paul McCartney, the Pope that responds
  to the American church by saying “Let it Be” and tells the Orthodox church to “Come
  Together” and prays to the apostle “Hey Jude Thaddeus”
• Jack Benny Hinn, a comedic/televangelist
  where first you get slain in the spirit and then he slays you with his violin
  playing.
• Elton John of the Cross a nearsighted theologian, singer and poet
  who is detached enough to say goodbye to the yellow brick road
• Jan Micheal
  Vincent
  de Paul acting theologian who preaches on charity and B-movies
• St. Bonoventure,
  U2 can be a Franciscan Theologian
• Bon Scott Hahn, AC/DC Singer and
  Theologian who teaches you how to avoid the Highway to Hell

Yes it is that time of year again to celebrate the seasons and remember the words in the bible like:

You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltness be restored?

During this time we greet those unsung heroes that spice up our food daily and for our taste-buds to praise them.

Remember the reason for the season – to make food taste better!

The three wise men we sing about while celebrating the seasons knew the importance of seasons and brought some famous infant both frankincense and myrrh.

So as your walking along and someone calls to you “Seasons Greetings”, with glee in your heart and a smile on your lips reply back “And a howdy-do to your salt and pepper also!”

(Roto Reuters) A group of active and retired priests are asking for optional orthodoxy for new priests. A letter signed by about 85 people was sent to the president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. These and similar letters have been sent by other groups of priests across the nation.

According to sources the letter asks that orthodoxy be optional, not mandatory, for candidates for the Roman Catholic priesthood.

The reverend Erik Tic said that the signers of the letter are concerned about there being to few priests to celebrate Mass and to meet the pastoral needs of their communities. “In this society it is unrealistic to demand orthodoxy for those desiring to be priests. It is just not natural to force priests to do something that the majority of the faithful eschews. By opening up the church via optional orthodoxy we will at least double the number of applicants. Many of us have already been practicing optional orthodoxy and optional obedience, so we would just like the Church hierarchy to acknowledge those trends already present in the Church.”

Jewish grandmothers, aging hippies and Jerry Seinfeld all filed into the auditorium of Manhattan’s Asia Society last week for a $500-a-head benefit for CLAL, The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership. Then the lights dimmed and a man with large hair took the stage, wearing tight black pants and a shimmering golden shirt unbuttoned halfway to his belly.

He was Joe Lynn Turner, former lead singer for the heavy metal band Deep Purple, which recorded such classics as “Lick it Up” and “Bad Attitude,” and he was there to present the audience � including Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, George Stephanopolous, and Robert DeNiro � with the world premiere of a rock opera about Galileo.

Rock geek Interjection: Well actually he did three albums with Deep Purple’s guitarist Richie Blackmore in the group Rainbow, and one with a 1990 incarnation of Deep Purple, but the songs called “Lick it Up” and “Bad Attitude” were not done with him as the singer. The song with him as a singer that got airplay was “Stone Cold.”

Departing from the old story of the enlightened intellectual, the improvised tale portrayed Galileo as an impetuous snob standing up to a righteous Catholic Church. Backed up by an eight-piece band, Turner sometimes assumed the role of stargazer, and sometimes the role of Pope Urban, using 1970s-style hip gyrations and disco arm swinging to dramatize the story.

I wish I had video of this, it must be a riot. Portraying Pope Urban with 1970’s dance music I guess is true Urban Renewal. Actually I am waiting for a musical on St. Peter called “On this Rock Opera.”

Billed as “an innovative program bringing together religion and science through the story of Galileo,” the event, titled “In Concert for One People,” was designed to honor “the diversity of the American Jewish community, and [celebrate] CLAL as a leading national voice for religious pluralism.”

As a show of this commitment, after the performance the president of CLAL, Rabbi Irwin Kula, led a panel discussion with a Jesuit priest and an investigative reporter about the relevance of Galileo’s story for a modern audience.
[Full Story]

In a case that could revolve around the role of religion
in mental health care, a Springfield psychologist is accused of violating professional
standards by counseling a patient on demon possession and inviting her to a
prayer group.

Psychologist Thomas DeVol markets himself as a Christian
psychologist and, as part of his anti-divorce counseling, says he has invoked
Jesus’ name on dozens of occasions while commanding evil spirits to exit people.

The former Assemblies of God missionary considers it an appropriate
method for healing people, noting the Bible contains numerous cases where Jesus
dealt with demon possession.

But Attorney General Jay Nixon’s office, in an administrative
hearing beginning Monday, contends DeVol’s demon discussions run contrary to
current scientific and professional standards. If a hearing judge finds it
a violation, the State Committee of Psychologists could revoke DeVol’s license
or impose any of several lesser penalties.
[Full Story]

I wonder if on his bill he itemizes per demon.

• First demon $50.00
• Each additional
  demon $45.00.
• Special group rate for a legion $500.00

In the classic 1960’s TV Series Lost in Space, if the B-9 robot had been equipped with schism and orthodox detection modules, than I am sure this would have been said instead of the classic “Danger Will Robinson!, Danger! The robot might have been named B-9, but this threat to the Episcopalians is not benign

New York City, NY (ROTO REUTERS) Top scientist working for the Democrat National Committee Laboratories to develop a better leak proof memo have made a major breakthrough. Dr. Noah Judges reported “With all those embarrassing leaked memos in the last couple of weeks I thought that there must be a better way. We want to keep subverting the national security and judicial process to our own ends, but we don’t want it pushed in our faces. What right do Republicans have to reveal our real motives. While watching an episode of Mission Impossible it dawned on me that was the answer. We developed a memo chip etched to create a dense series of microscopic channels and introduced a magnetic material into the chips and poured a solution onto the chips that, when dried, left gadolinium nitrate in the channels. These tiny channels increased the surface area of the silicon in the same way grinding charcoal does for gunpowder and the nitrate played the same chemical role as saltpeter. After the memo is activated and completes the auditory alarm voices “This memo will self destruct in five seconds.””