Humor

As scripture says "All scripture is inspired by God and profitable
for teaching,
for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness," there are some
parts I would not apply directly. For example if you are single and dating
I would not try these lines from the Song of Solomon.

Your hair is like a flock of goats,

Most women will not find this word image particularly flattering.

Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes

You might as well say "Get thee to a dentist."

Your belly is a heap of wheat,

If you are going to use an analogy to nature I would not use
the word "heap" to describe her belly.

Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,

Comparing facial appendages to large buildings is certainly a
no-no unless you are just looking to get slapped.

Sometimes you hear the rhetorical question What Would Jesus Drive. Well what
about the saints? Previously I answered the question about the Blessed Virgin
Mary with this picture.

Mary’s Fiat

After watching the Song of Bernadette the other night I decided to go look
for a picture of her car.

Bernadette
Subaru.

Now of course in france they spell her last name slightly
different – Soubiroux. But she wasn’t thrilled with French cars and went for
a more compact and economical Japanese car. The nice thing about Bernadette is
that even when she gets a new car she doesn’t lourdes it over you.

TSO lists some very funny unlikely bumper stickers.

So let me add my own items for this new form of blogger comedy.

• I would rather be at home with my wife than fish
• Just say no to war for olive oil
• Save the Gromphadorhina portentosa
• Speech therapists for Bush
• Unborn Children for Kerry
• Think cosmically, act galaxy
• Mean people are just fine by me
• You can’t hug a child with Venus de Milo’s arms
• Shi’ites happen
• If you can read this bumper sticker you must be home schooled
• I brake for religious ecstasy
• My other car is a Popemobile

I again went to the Vigil Mass to avoid the nasty hurricane weather scheduled to hit us on Sunday. It was a beautiful Mass but I do have one quibble. If you are selecting a closing hymn with a hurricane bearing down on you do you truly want to select "Rain Down?"

Because I am a conservative and I also pray. Does that make me a kneel-con?

Steve of Catholicism, holiness and spirituality has a picture he took of a very angry cactus.

From Michelle Malkin.

Via one of my blog heroines, Michele Catalano, there is good news for bloggers who use Movable Type and are sick of Reuters’ penchant for sanitizing Islamofascist killers (which I vented about here). A blogger in Brussels has invented a killer app that substitutes the word "terrorist" for every weasel word used by terrorist-sympathizing news organizations (e.g. "militant," "gunmen," etc.).

That is pretty cool. There are also plenty of word combinations that I would like to have a macro or Movable Type plugin to automatically replace.

A wholly owned subsidiary of the Democrat National Committee

A reader sent me the following press release.

I was thinking about the act that I have not heard one decent impression of John Kerry when he talks. I have heard many talk show hosts attempt it without much success. I have heard plenty of good impressions of Reagan, Bush-41, Carter, Clinton, and Dubya so what makes John Kerry so hard? I have a theory called the John Kerry Impression Paradox Effect. To practice doing the impression you must speak slowly i in a monotone voice that makes the 2000 Al Gore sound like a televangelist by comparison You must add three times as many words to any sentence as required. The problem is that when you practice his voice you start to become drowsy and fall asleep. The more you practice the sleepier you get. So the more you practice the more practice you still need, thus the John Kerry Impression Paradox Effect.