From a press release by the Church of Scientology International
Christianity teaches that Heaven is a place where one will live and bask in the glory of God the All-mighty. However, there is scientific technological proof that Heaven exists only as a studio state mock-up built by space aliens, and that Jesus Christ was an imaginary movie actor created by those space aliens. If you wish to learn the facts, just visit any Scientology store and ask to purchase the Philadelphia Doctorate Course #24 and HCO Bulletin May 11, 1963.
The scientific fact, discovered by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, is that Jesus Christ, Heaven, and Christianity are all part of what is technically called the "R6 Implant." This implant was created by psychiatrists from outer space some 45 trillion years ago to fool souls into believing in God and thus enslaving them forever with the belief that one is accountable to that God.
"Somebody somewhere on this planet, back about 600 BC, found some pieces of R6, and I don’t know how they found it, either by watching madmen or something, but since that time they have used it and it became what is known as Christianity," said L. Ron Hubbard. "The man on the Cross! There was no Christ."
Hubbard also discovered in the same year that Heaven exists on a planet somewhere in this solar system and is made up of robotic mannequins, electron beam guns, movie screens, movie projectors, and assorted studio effects. This was proven in 1963 by L. Ron Hubbard and it continues to be scientifically proven every day by Scientologists since then.
Hubbard visited Heaven several times during this and previous lives. He described Heaven in a technological scientific paper titled "Routine Three — Heaven, Hubbard Communications Office Bulletin May 11, After-Dianetics Thirteen."
"The gates of the first series [of implants] are well done, well built. An avenue of statues of saints leads up to them. The gate pillars are surmounted by marble angels. The entering grounds are very well kept, laid out like Bush Gardens in Pasadena, so often seen in the movies. Aside from the implant boxes which lie across from each other on the walk there are other noises and sounds as though the saints are defending and berating." Hubbard then discovered "The place, by implant and inference, was supposed to be in the sky like a floating island. Actually it was simply a high place in the mountains of a planet and the gates pathway falls away into a gorge, very eroded and bare by the time of the second implant, but heavily forested and rolling at the time of the first."
You may use this technology to be free of religion and Christianity forever. For a limited time you may purchase this technology for only $450 for the Philadelphia Doctorate Course #24 and $150 for Routine Three – Heaven. All major credit cards are accepted. [Source]
I thought at first that this was some kind of parody, but the quotes listed are actually from L. Ron Hubbard. I knew some of the wacky stuff like body thetans and such, but this is a whole other level. No wonder St. Paul couldn’t describe heaven. He had no words for robotic mannequins and electron beam guns.