You might be in a faith community if …

If everyone clasps each other’s hands during the Our Father, and then raises them higher while the congregation attaches at the end, “…for thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory, now and forever…” you might be in a faith community!

Instead of a giant crucifix over the altar there is either a cross with a risen Christ on it or most likely a felt tapestry of a “Jesus fish”.

If the “Eucharistic Ministers” outnumber the congregation, you might be in a faith community.

If the intentions ask God to make the Pope “more open to progress”, you might be in a faith community.

If the opening prayers mention any of the natural elements or cardinal directions, you might be in a faith community.

If you’ve ever heard “it’s our church” or “mandated by the Vatican” in a homily, you might be in a faith community.

That’s all I can think of for now.

You know, I find this really annoying. I was involved in the renovations of our church, and we hired two liturgical consultants to help with the design.

We have a seated Jesus statue behind the sanctuary holding out a host and cup. Our cross with corpus was moved to the side wing of the church (what *used* to be the sanctuary).

The tabernacle was moved out of the sanctuary and into a eucharistic chapel on the right hand side that’s left open all night for adoration while the church proper is locked.

We have a heated holy water font.

Now my question is:

These things were designed by the liturgical consultant to be in line with Vatican requirements for Church architecture.

What do you find in violation, and if so point me to an official document outlining the abuse. (Let me clarify that a cross with corpus is carried up during the entrance procession and placed in the sanctuary).

L said:
I’m almost positive no Vatican document mandates a heated holy water font. On that note, I could’ve sworn that there were jets in the full immersion font in the LA Cathedral.

I don’t believe it’s mandated either. I also don’t believe it’s prohibited. If you know otherwise, please let me know so we can get our liturgical consultants fired.

I’m pretty orthodox, but it annoys me when I see these pissy bouts of “conservative elitism”. The poking fun at designs and worship that follow the letter of the law, but don’t measure up to the exacting conservative standard.

Our church renovations were not to my taste, but I have been able to find Jesus there. Our Faith Community (yes, it says that on our Mission statement) seems to worship in a way that’s acceptable to the Vatican if not a subset of some conservatives’ exacting standards.

Would I prefer a more traditional looking church? Sure. Would I like to see more sacred artwork, candles and incense? You bet. But that’s not where we are right now, and putting down my “faith community” is not the way to gain converts to your cause (unless all you’re trying to accomplish is ridicule, which you are doing quite well).

“Your font is heated!!!” sounds suspiciously like “Your mother wears army boots!” 😛

Faith communities are evident where liturgical dancers thud up the aisle choreographed by someone who had worked on the set of “Hatari”.

Faith communities always have one priest who loves to do skits to accompany his reading of the Gospel and/or his homilty. E.g., wind sound effects on Pentecost.

Faith communties have a priest who always invites all the bored, restless, nose-picking children to leave their parents’ side and surround the altar (and him) during the Consecration.

Faith communities always have a secretly angry nun in polyester garb as a pastoral associate who has been rigorously trained to smile condescendingly at any remaining orthodox parishioners.

Faith communities are often attached to heterodox organizations or heretical movements. One thinks of 8th Day Center for Justice in Chicago and its elder religious fifth columnists who have a number of parishes.

Faith communities think that Mozart and Bach are fine names for pets not composers of great religious music.

Faith communities often try out new music that better fits a cocktail lounge full of aging lizards, or a jazz and blues nightclub filled with coke sniffers.

Mostly white faith communities of European ancestry often try on different ethnic and racial personas with comic effect.

It is carved in stone that all pastors of faith communities must be registered Democrats.

At the Kyrie in faith communites, one never asks forgiveness for sins, only pardon for flaws, faults and failings.

It is forbidden to mention the word “sin” in faith communities, except in relation to those who vote a conservative ticket.

There is always a “Peace and Justice” committee in faith communities that is fired up against the NRA, but would never let the word pro-life enter their thinking.

Faith communities have a pastor who wishes aloud that he could invite everyone to receive the Eucharist but is forbidden by the old guys in Rome.

Faith communities try to senak in their lay pals as homilists–usually womyn with the perspective of Katie Couric.

You might belong to a faith community if you visit a blog known for parody and get your nose out of joint when you find it there.

“If your first communion class isn’t taught that they have the right to receive on the tongue… You might be in a faith community.”,

My church/school used to have this beat. In a religious education book (luckily they got rid of it quite a while ago), the section on communion instructed that the faithful must receive in the hand. It also had 2 pictures, one with a communicant receiving in the hand, the other receiving on the tongue. The one receiving on the tongue had a large NO symbol (like they have on no-smoking signs) over the picture, and in the background of the picture there were several people who looked like they were about to lose their lunch!!

How about not being able to find a single other person who feels even the least uncomfortable about a woman giving the homily?

I used to be a member of “Saint N. Catholic Community” until one day our pastor announced that he had come upon the realization that any old group of people could be a “community” – but it takes a special commissioning and authorization to be a part of “the Church” – so “Church” replaced “Community” on all signage and stationary.
There is hope!

‘I have wondered if a progressive with Tourette Syndrome might embarrass themselves and other by having the impulse to say things like “hierarchy”, “obedience”, “dogma”, etc.’ —guffaw—

John Gibson Wrote:

If your priest says “Spirit of Vatican II” more than two times in a homily…. You may be in a faith community. – When the Spirit of VII is mentioned, ask him to cite a document! It is a true “faith community” if he is unable to do so. However, if he can actually speak about the “Spirit of Vatican II” and provide documentation to back up his claim, then it is probably a parish!

If you have more than one liturgical dancer, you may be in a faith community. – One liturgical dancer is enough to qualify as a “faith community”

If your first communion class isn’t taught that they have the right to receive on the tongue… You might be in a faith community. – Check! I learned this only days before the class was to receive their first Communion!

If your Deacon intones the “Through him, with him and in him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all glory and honour is yours, Almighty Father, for ever and ever” during the Eucharistic Prayer… You may be in a Faith Community. – You may also have some serious confusions about the role of the deacon in assisting at Mass!

If the nun reading the Gospel, uses inclusive language… You may be in a faith community. – Nun reading the Gospel? YOu mean the pant-suited one?

If a nun tries to concelebrate Mass, you may be in a faith community. – No, you may be in a riverboat cruising the Danube on the Feast of the Madeline!

If your Priest baptizes in the name of the Creator, Redeemer, and the Sanctifier… You might be in a Faith Community. – If you priest baptizes you in such a way, you are in no community at all!

Matthew Gardocki wrote:

In a religious education book (luckily they got rid of it quite a while ago), the section on communion instructed that the faithful must receive in the hand. It also had 2 pictures, one with a communicant receiving in the hand, the other receiving on the tongue. The one receiving on the tongue had a large NO symbol (like they have on no-smoking signs) over the picture, and in the background of the picture there were several people who looked like they were about to lose their lunch!!

Wow! I didn’t know some of them went that far! I was once admonished by the rector in the Communion line at the Cathedral (about a year before my ordination) for choosing to receive Holy Communion in the normative manner (on the tongue).

Tony MIller wrote:

There are some people who are still uncomfortable receiving communion from EMEs. They prefer to receive from a priest. So I was in a newsgroup where a lady explained that they are “breaking” people from that habit by playing “move the priest” so that you never know from mass to mass where he’ll be serving.

I learned this morning that some members of my parish are rearing for me to leave (I have been transferred) so they can again bring back Communion services sometimes during the week! It seems that some would rather not have a priest at all! I guess I foiled thier plans to deliver banal reflections (I HOPE my homilies were slightly more inspiring) with my insistence that, as a priest, I would celebrate Mass EVERYDAY – even on Saturday mornings! Interstingly many of the same people who insisted on being the ones to “do the Communion service” have not darkened the door of our church on a weekday since I arrived. The very ones who want to “do the Communion service” will not attend daily Mass when it is offered! Big problems!

Sadly, I go to that parish, er faith community, er… parish. Thingy.

The good news is, my husband, who’s a recovering Wiccan is actually starting to be bothered by all the fluffy bunny nonsense. I’ve been staying at this parish because of him, because HE liked it there, because I figured fluffy bunny catholic was slightly better than fluffy bunny pagan. Thank God he’s starting to get bugged by it, becuase I’m not sure my heart can take much more of this.

Of course, the surface wrong of renovation is the idea that the Church has to be made over and brought up to date in order to pack in the customers. The essential and hidden wrong is the drive of too many liturgists to undermine a sense of the sacred. Nobody should have to find Christ in a Catholic church; Christ and all the angels and saints should practically knock him over backwards when he opens the door.

John Hetman wrote: “he quickly instituted a rotating communion service to give the priests a break. There was himself, two associate pators, and a Passionist monastery connected to the church.”

Give ME a break! 3 full time priests and a monastery full of passionists (is that a strictly clerical order?) couldn’t handle a daily Mass schedule and still take days off when necessary? It is that ridiculous insidious notion that the Mass is a “show to be performed” for the benefit of the “crowd” rather than a Sacrfice to be offered on behalf of the priest himself and His whole flock! I will take heart, I am just outraged at the beffulding actions of such pastors – and they wonder why they have no identity save that of a sacred social worker!

John Hetman, I would like to know how many masses per weekend were scheduled. The priest at the parish I attend hase around four masses to attend to by himself per weekend, and nothing to it. The ammount of priests you talk of would allow for multiple parishes, so it seems.

“…marbles, sand, or goldfish* in your Holy Water font, you might be in a faith community.”

Bah!!!! when we were kids, in my pariash we had a huge Rennaissance Holy Water font, and we used to sail paper boats in them. Hope that does not mean “faith community..” P.S. The odd marble also materialised.