The other day I was thinking about a story involving the Apostles and a Private Detective agency. In this story the Apostles would be given tons of clues and still couldn’t solve the murder. Then the murder victim had to explain everything to them.
This bit of daydreaming occurred while thinking about just how dense the Apostles were. They were given tons of clues and seemed surprised at every turn regarding what Jesus told them ahead of time. Over and over again they did not understand and jumped to the wrong conclusions. So easy to feel superior to them.
Then I started thinking about my own reactions to what Jesus tells us. I sincerely believe and accept all that the Church authoritatively teaches. I am constantly studying the faith and working to deepen my knowledge and to act on that knowledge. Yet I can think of all the times when I don’t trust God and act like everything is on myself to achieve. God has given me tons of clues and I just don’t apply them to my daily life as I ought. God working in my life is so obvious in hindsight, and yet keep loosing that thread in the present moment. So all this makes me much more sympathetic to the Apostles.
Last week I read this bit of dialog from Graham Greene’s “A Burnt-Out Case”:
‘But if the thing is here,’ she said, ‘inside me, it couldn’t suddenly disappear, could it, if I prayed?’
‘I wouldn’t think so.’ He said reluctantly, ‘Even the priests don’t ask you to believe that. They would tell you, I suppose, to pray that God’s will be done. But don’t expect me to talk to you about prayer.’
‘I’d want to know what his will was before I prayed anything like that,’ she said.
I wish I didn’t so identify with this.