We need Doctor Control

Peppermint Patty posts some statistics about deaths caused by physicians compared to gun deaths. I can’t speak to the veracity of the statistics (she got them from an email, author unknown), but if they are true then maybe I will open up an internet store and sell a line of “Doctor Locks” and steel “Doctor Safes” and a “Malpractice doesn’t kill people, Doctors do” bumper stickers.

And of course we need to get cheap Saturday Night Doctors off the streets, maybe we can have annual “doctor turn- ins” where people turn in doctors to their local police stations. Give them $25 bucks for a general practitioner and $50 bucks for a surgeon.

We could put up signs around schools for “Doctor Free Zones” and add harsh penalties for anybody caught brandishing a doctor within these zones. To reinforce these ideas with our children we would also ban all plastic stethoscopes and little doctor bags.

And if a doctor just happens to look more menacing then another doctor we can classify him as an “Assault Doctor” and totally ban them. Anybody that complains that we are tramping over Constitutional rights we would just call a right wing “Doctor Nut.” We also need to crack down on medical trade shows. How could we just allow anybody to go there and hire a doctor without a background check? Another problems is concealed doctors. Would you feel safe talking too someone and you were not sure if they might have a doctor hidden somewhere on their person. What if you had a heated debate and he pulled a doctor our and threatened to heal you. Doctors driving around in cars is another major problem since some are semi-auto or even more dangerously fully auto.

What an ideal opportunity for Charleston Heston who just stepped down from the NRA. He could represent the AMA and Michael Moore could totally misrepresent him in a doc-umentary.