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The Curt Jester

"It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it." GKC

Humor

Life imitates parody once again

by Jeffrey Miller December 10, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

When Baby Jesus disappeared last year from a Nativity scene on the lawn of the Wellington, Fla., community center, village officials didn’t follow a star to locate him.

A GPS device mounted inside the life-size ceramic figurine led sheriff’s deputies to a nearby apartment, where it was found face down on the carpet. An 18-year-old woman was arrested in the theft. [article]

In a parody I did two years ago.

Do you know where you Baby Jesus in your Nativity set is? With the rash of Baby Jesus thefts across the country whether it be public or private land how can you be sure? Do your check your lawn often fearing some Nativity scene napper with who know what nefarious scheme? Or perchance that it will be stolen only to be returned later with glued on devil horns as happened recently in Norwalk, Connecticut. Have you considered even resorting to using a chain attached to the leg of the Baby Jesus regardless of the atheistic of this act?

If so you might consider our new product – Find Jesus®! Our plastic Baby Jesus plastic doll product Find Jesus® comes with and embedded GPS transmitter, external antenna, and combined with our unique receiver you will know where it is at all time. You won’t be omnipresence, but you will know where Jesus is at all time. No more late night worries or concerns will plague you.

This GPS loop transmitting antenna cleverly disguised as a halo will ensure that you can track your Baby Jesus no matter where it is taken

The provided GPS receiver will help you track down your property if it does come up missing. This small compact unit will give you an exact location at every moment. If it detects that it has been moved from the preset position an alarm is sounded immediately. Simply follow the onscreen and audible instructions to retrieve your Baby Jesus or to provide the police with its location. Jesus tells the parable of the lost sheep which he was willing to go look for and find. Return the favor and Find Jesus®.

You might wonder how we can offer such compact and beyond state of the art technology? We have developed a new process called Niño Technology. Niño Technology provides very small programmed machines that operate the receiver and transmitter.

So do you know where your Baby Jesus is? You will if you have Find Jesus®

December 10, 2008 5 comments
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Punditry

Once again on the Newsweek article

by Jeffrey Miller December 10, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

On today’s Laura Ingraham show she interviewed Newsweek Religion Editor Lisa Miller about her recent article making the religious case for homosexual marriage. Miller’s defense was quite laughable. At one point when asked by Laura Ingraham about St. Paul’s references to homosexuality, Lisa Miller replied that the same scripture also condemned drunkenness, adultery, and divorce.

Now I thought that was a rather odd reply, especially when she said drunks can get married (though they might actually be psychological impaired to be able to actually give consent). Laura Ingraham pressed her on drunkenness, adultery, and divorce and weren’t they all bad things? The answer was lots of people get divorced. With that kind of logic we might as well get rid of laws since lots of people break them.

Now this might seem an incoherent argument, but this understanding has natural consequences. It is really only the Catholic Church that defends marriage and properly sees what marriage actually is. Protestant denominations for the most part have quite accepted divorce in a way reminiscent of Moses who allowed it because of their “hardness of heart” as Jesus said. We really should be having state constitutional changes on banning no fault divorce which is one of the most destructive things in human history. With rampant fornication, adultery, divorce and “remarriage” in a hook-up culture we can’t be surprised that the definition of marriage has fallen on hard times. The sacred character of marriage is that it is an indissoluble union. A a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children demands total fidelity. Turn on the TV or look at the culture and it would be really hard to extrapolate the meaning of marriage.

With the culture having such an improper understanding of marriage it is no wonder that so many can see no problem with same-sex marriage. Contraception and abortion are making heterosexual sex just as sterile as homosexual sex. When children as one of the two purposes of marriage are excluded it is easy to see how same-sex marriage can seem valid. Sex gets reduced to just mutual pleasure with no meaning beyond gratification.

The natural law can certainly lead us to an understanding of the two aims of marriage. Though the Newsweek article said it was making the “religious” case for it. Though actually they were making a progressive Christian argument for it since they did not address other religions or in fact provide arguments from those opposed to their conclusion. They were using scripture from both Testaments, yet somehow never got around the commandment to be fruitful which is impossible with same-sex sexual acts. No doubt homosexual apologists will point to heterosexual couples who are sterile, but this misses the fact that in their case something biological is not working properly. It is a defect which in some cases can be remedied. Whereas homosexual acts can never lead to children by its very nature.

There are so many things I love about the Catholic Church, and one of them is the consistency of her teachings. She can condemn homosexually, contraception, IVF, divorce, masturbation, fornication, etc; based on the actual meaning of marriage as taught by Jesus. Sex within marriage is the only valid context for sex and the sexual act must never be formally separated from the possibility of procreation. The last sentence provides the basis for all of the Church’s teaching on human sexuality. When you separate sex from procreation (or vice versa) and/or allow sex outside of marriage all of the other errors necessarily follow.

Lisa Miller also referenced during the interview Psalm 139 which she called a “beautiful psalm” as evidence for support of homosexuality. This was from the reference to Fr. James Martin, S.J. she made in the original article. Fr. Martin commented on my blog about this reference. Though his comment was actually a reply to something Diogenes asked about whether he thought Jesus was still alive and clarified by saying Jesus if he was walking the Earth in physical form “would likewise reach out to the marginalized today, a group that would include gays and lesbians.” Jesus reaches out to all of us and part of that reaching out is calling us to repentance and saying “Go and sin no more.” Though I would add part of that marginalized group would be those who defend the Church teaching on sexual ethics. It is much more likely that someone objecting to homosexuality will be persecuted and even sued than someone with same-sex attraction. We can easily look to the Proposition 8 witch hunt being used against those who supported it in California as am example.

I would like to see some further clarification from Fr. Martin. Father linked to the Newsweek article on the America Magazine blog and gave no caveats as to what was quoted of him. My simple questions is does he believe that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered as the Church has always taught? For the most part I really enjoyed his book “Life with the Saints” and some of the articles he has written, it just annoys me when someone seems to skirt an issue instead of providing clarity.

December 10, 2008 23 comments
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Prayer

Sin and Spin

by Jeffrey Miller December 10, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

Say a prayer for Fr. Roy Bourgeois who has now been excommunicated for failing to repent of his support of women’s ordination. May he repent and come back into full communion with the Church.

In other news Betsey Guest a spokeswoman for the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers has a future as a spin artist for any politician judging by her replies.

December 10, 2008 3 comments
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Link

What I loved about Christmas …

by Jeffrey Miller December 9, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

was Christ. Jennifer at Conversion Diary writes about what drew her to Christmas even when she was an atheist, something I can totally relate to.

December 9, 2008 1 comment
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News

Boy Bishop

by Jeffrey Miller December 8, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

Fr. Longenecker brings the tradition of the Boy Bishop at his Catholic school.

December 8, 2008 1 comment
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Punditry

Missing from scripture

by Jeffrey Miller December 8, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

Fr. Philip Powell, OP has the same reaction that I did to the Newsweek story.

“The question I would love to ask the writer is: if your thesis is true, why in 5,000 years of Judeo-Christian religious history has there never been a single instance of a same-sex ‘marriage’ being celebrated as exemplary for Christians and Jews? You would think that if scripture is pressing the point that love and fidelity are more important that the sex of the couple, then one very powerful way of showing this would be to give us an example of a loving, faithful same-sex marriage. Yet, none exist. And we must be careful not to confuse same-sex friendships (Jonathan and David) with sexually active, religiously recognized, sacramental marriages celebrated in the Bible.”

He makes the point I was trying to make much better. While negative evidence doesn’t provide much of a proof, the total lack of reference to something that is suppose to be part of God’s will for human sexuality is rather odd. I guess in their view that God being the author of scripture needs an editor since he managed to leave out and positive reference to something normative.

Diogenes references another part of the article:

My friend the priest James Martin says his favorite Scripture relating to the question of homosexuality is Psalm 139, a song that praises the beauty and imperfection in all of us and that glorifies God’s knowledge of our most secret selves: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” And then he adds that in his heart he believes that if Jesus were alive today, he would reach out especially to the gays and lesbians among us, for “Jesus does not want people to be lonely and sad.” Let the priest’s prayer be our own.

And then replies:

“If Jesus were alive today …” The blunder invites the obvious response: Has Jesus died AGAIN? Why weren’t we told?

Miller does not put those words in quotation marks, and it’s a reasonable conjecture that they represent her own obtuseness rather than Fr. Martin’s. But there’s an important doctrinal point to be made. Jesus IS alive, and he speaks to us, today, through his Vicar, the successor of Peter. Such is the conviction of Catholics. And that Vicar has made it radiantly clear that sodomy is contrary to God’s will and that marriage is effected between, and only between, a man and a woman.

I would be interested to know if Fr. Martin feels that what was quoted is an accurate assessment of what he said. Diogenes makes some excellent points that Jesus is alive and acts through the Church. The Church is reaching out to those who suffer with same-sex attraction. Groups like Courage help those with same-sex attraction lead lives of holiness and to be chaste as we are all called to be chaste. But too many people equate reaching out with rubber-stamping approval of homosexual acts. Calling someone to repentance is a spiritual act of mercy and they do no favors by going along with the culture and denying that homosexual acts are sinful.

If someone actually did try to use Psalm 139 to relate to as a defense for homosexuality then if it proves anything it proves too much. You can just as well say those with a wandering eye and who commit lust in their hearts or even pursue their lusts are also wonderfully made. That all of us sinners are wonderfully made. We are truly “beautifully made” yet through the sin of Adam, sin came into the world. We all suffer with the concupiscence of the heart and can choose sin despite being made in the image and likeness of God. The Blessed Virgin Mary was Immaculately Conceived and as Fr. Pacwa jokingly points out “God doesn’t make that model anymore.”

December 8, 2008 18 comments
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Punditry

Even the Devil quoted scripture

by Jeffrey Miller December 7, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

When Newsweek does scriptural exegesis you know it is going to be a laugh riot. This time it is to lambaste religious conservatives for using scripture to defend marriage.

You can just about guess the approach they will take. Yes they went the polygamy route. As if the Old Testament had glowing support of polygamy, when in actuality scripture showed how it always lead to problems. Yes the stories of Jacob’s wives and how Solomon’s wives lead him to sin are endorsement of a scriptural view of polygamy.

They even go on to say that Jesus never defined marriage as being between a man and a woman.

Matthew 19:3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery." The disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry."

I guess referring to Adam and Eve as the original intent of marriage is too hard to grasp or that male and female are always the related terms. Funny how in all of salvation history there are zero examples of homosexual relationships portrayed positively. Rather strange if homosexual acts are part of God’s plan.

But Sola Scriptura used by secular reporters will go just as stray as when used by Protestants. They can cherry pick verses or just give different interpretations to verses harder to ignore and say such nonsense as:

… condemnation of men who "were inflamed with lust for one another" (which he calls "a perversion") is really a critique of the worst kind of wickedness: self-delusion, violence, promiscuity and debauchery.

This from a person they call a "progressive theologian." Of course a progressive theologian is one that explains away scripture instead of explaining it.

Though the whole article with their use of scripture and quoting only those who agree with their premise means zero to Catholics anyway. It is scripture and apostolic tradition as interpreted by the magisterium that is the key to Catholics anyway, or at least for Catholics that understand the nature of the Church. Opposition to homosexual acts and same-sex marriage is something that can be learned from the natural law without resorting to scripture.

But this type of article from Newsweek Religion Editor Lisa Miller is nothing new, just more of the same.

December 7, 2008 10 comments
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Humor

Punch a Heretic Day

by Jeffrey Miller December 6, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

I wrote this two years ago.

Today being the feast day of Saint Nicholas I was thinking about how cool it would be to go to the Mall dressed as this 4th century saint. To sit on the chair normally reserved for that cheap-imitator Santa (talk about identity theft), but to also take on some of his traditions. When children tell you what they want you could rebuke them for their materialism and to urge them to pray for the salvation of themselves and others and that they should work on a virtue that they lack. Remind that that while ole St. Nicholas doesn’t actually keep a list of those who are naughty and nice there is a Lamb’s Book of Life that they do want to get listed in. That if they do not obtain this they will get more than a lump of coal, but a eternal fire no doubt heated by more than just one lump of coal. Of course getting forcibly escorted out by Mall security as you left a trail of crying children might not be such a good idea.

Another thing is that the idea of a bishop promising gifts to children who sit on his lap must surely violate the Dallas norms and the Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People.

There is also the legend that the real Bishop Nicholas punched Arius at the council of Nicea. So to commemorate this feast why not make –

Bishop Saint Nicholas Punch

To decorate the punch bowl, make a wreath out of rosemary, mint, holly leaves and berries.

3-4 Seville oranges (smooth-skinned)
1-2 lemons, sliced
1 quart apple cider
½ cup raisins
1 teaspoon cloves
¼ cup sugar or brown sugar
1 teaspoon mace
1 teaspoon nutmeg

December 6, 2008 10 comments
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Meme

Fascinating Catholics

by Jeffrey Miller December 6, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

Lisa Hendley wrote a a piece on the Top Ten most fascinating Catholics in 2008 and Jean of Catholic Fire decided to make it into a meme and tagged me.

  1. Pope Benedict XVI. Yes at the top of everybody’s list, but for good
    reason. Oh B16 how do I love thee, let me count the ways. Or maybe too many
    to count. If John Paul II becomes generally known as Pope John Paul the
    Great, I think Benedict will be known as Pope Benedict the Pretty Awesome
    Also.
  2. Rosalyn Moss. Jewish convert first as an Evangelical and then later Catholic and unto recently
    on the staff of Catholic Answers. This year she became Sister Rosalyn Moss
    with a new order she received permission to start called "Daughters of Mary,
    Mother of Israel’s Hope." I have loved her wisdom on Catholic Answers as
    she mainly answered spiritual questions with great wisdom.
  3. Fr. Frank Pavone. The tireless pro-life advocate who is a modern St. Paul for
    the pro-life movement. He speaks everywhere and is willing to use whatever
    medium to advance the culture of life. His YouTube videos on abortion are
    excellent
    .
  4. John C. Wright. Mr. Wright came into the Church this year at Easter. He had been
    an atheist until his conversion to Christ and then later to Christ’s Church.
    I do so enjoy all of his books which are in the Science Fiction/Fantasy
    genre. His blog is also one of the most interesting. Whether he is advancing
    the cause for the Space Princess movement, the cogent responses he has made
    to atheists, or the multitude of other topics on his blog I always delight
    when there is a new post.
  5. Fr. Roderick Vonhögen. When I first heard of the Catholic Insider podcast and that it is was created
    from a priest in the Netherlands I was rather skeptical of the orthodoxy
    of the contents. The first episode I heard was when he was at Rome on the
    Day Pope Benedict XVI was elected. His joy and excitement at Josef Ratzinger
    being elected convinced put my hesitations aside. Over the years as he went
    on to start the Star Quest Production Network and his daily show during the
    week called the Daily Breakfast he has continued to entertain and delight
    me as he talks about everything from culture, gaming, entertainment, to theology
    to advance the truth of the Catholic faith.
  6. Doug Kmiec. Yeah right.
  7. Archbishop Charles Chaput, OFM. The bishop is a favorite of mine for years and
    this year was no exception. He spoke out multiple times this year and not
    just about the election. Whether he is speaking out to defend life, sex abuse,
    immigration, etc – he has been willing to engage the media instead of complaining
    about how unfair it is. This year he wrote the book "Render onto Caesar."
  8. Bishop Martino. There were many bishops who spoke out this year and who responded to the silly
    comments from Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden. But I especially give the tip of
    the Jester’s hat to Bishop Morlino for saying "The USCCB doesn’t speak for me." It is certainly the bishop who is the primary
    teacher in his diocese and his excellency takes this seriously. Too many
    bishops allow the USCCB provide cover so they don’t have to be as strong
    as they could be, not so in this bishops case.
  9. Jimmy Akin I am a great fan of Catholic Answers and all the people on their staff.
    Tim Staples was a great addition to them. I started listening to Catholic
    Answer on my way into the Church and it was Jimmy Akin who had the most influence
    on me. I love his ability to explain the faith and the multiple examples
    he uses to do so. Especially enjoy when he brings science fiction into it
    as a way to explain something. I am also amazed at the amount of his knowledge
    in multiple areas, but really love that he never tries to go farther than
    what he knows. He tries to explain what the Church actually teaches and not
    to go beyond with his own opinion on a subject. This year though he had many
    memorable responses. My favorite was when the show was almost over he asked
    his opinion on Galileo and he responded "he was a big jerk." Now that was
    funny and and accurate diagnosis on the brilliant but egotistical man who
    clashed not only with theologians but with other scientists around him.
  10. Laura Ingraham My favorite talk show host and a convert to the Catholic faith
    in recent years. I do so enjoy her show which addresses more than just political
    matters and talks about the toxic culture. She invites on and engages those
    who support abortion and are part of pro-abortion organizations. These conversations
    are usually quite good and really expose the logic used to defend the indefensible.
    She also often has on her friend from EWTN News Raymond Arroyo and this usually
    makes a great segment on they talk on politics and culture. My one caveat
    is that she really needs to learn what the Church’s teaching is on torture.
    Ironically she interviewed a former head interrogator in Iraq and it was he
    that talked about torture and how it would damage any person using it.
  11. Greg and Jennifer Willits. They started the Rosary Army as an organization to
    make and then give away Rosaries "Make them, Pray them, Give Them Away."
    This lead to them later starting the Rosary Army podcast which was one of
    my favorite shows. This year they got a job as hosts on The Catholic Channel
    part of Sirius satellite radio with their show "The Catholics Next Door."
    They can also be heard on XM radio now also. Recently they announced that
    they
    were quitting the podcast, but while I was sad to hear this I understood
    their reasons. Over the years they have seemed more like family members than
    a couple with a podcast as I followed the ups and downs of their family life.
    So while I miss them on the podcast, satellite radio listeners have gained
    a funny, orthodox, and entertaining Catholic couple.

Now such a list can go on and on and I could name so many of my fellow bloggers
whose blogs have entertained and taught me along with Catholic Podcasters.
I would also give a shout out to my Twitter/Facebook/Plurk friends

Plus here is an honorable mention for a future facinating Catholic who I met
via Twitter/Plurk. He got dragged into an Easter Mass this year by a friend
and at the Mass was converted to Christ from atheism. Since then he has been
reading everything he can on the Catholic faith and is discerning a call to
the priesthood. I do love his zeal and it reminds me of my own awakening into
the Catholic faith and the joy of discovering the truth.

I tag the following for this meme.

A Catholic View

Conversion Diary

Creative Minority Report

June Cleaver After a Six Pack

Oblique House

December 6, 2008 14 comments
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Uncategorized

Add an advent calendar to your website

by Jeffrey Miller December 5, 2008
written by Jeffrey Miller

Clayton offers it here.

December 5, 2008 4 comments
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About Me

Jeff Miller is a former atheist who after spending forty years in the wilderness finds himself with both astonishment and joy a member of the Catholic Church. This award-winning blog presents my hopefully humorous and sometimes serious take on things religious, political, and whatever else crosses my mind.

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About Me

Jeff Miller is a former atheist who after spending forty years in the wilderness finds himself with both astonishment and joy a member of the Catholic Church. This award winning blog presents my hopefully humorous and sometimes serious take on things religious, political, and whatever else crosses my mind.
My conversion story
  • The Curt Jester: Disturbingly Funny --Mark Shea
  • EX-cellent blog --Jimmy Akin
  • One wag has even posted a list of the Top Ten signs that someone is in the grip of "motu-mania," -- John Allen Jr.
  • Brilliance abounds --Victor Lams
  • The Curt Jester is a blog of wise-ass musings on the media, politics, and things "Papist." The Revealer

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