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The Curt Jester

"It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it." GKC

Punditry

God Bless my Bishop

by Jeffrey Miller December 12, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

It has come to my attention that an organization called the American Catholic Council (ACC) will be holding what they describe as the “North Florida Listening Assembly” in Jacksonville on Saturday, Feb. 19, 2011. Self-described as “seeking to reclaim the promise of the Holy Spirit manifested in Vatican II,” this assembly is billed as “a day of reflection and stimulating dialogue” – all in preparation for a national gathering to be held in Detroit in June of 2011. I want to clearly and unequivocally advise all Catholics that this North Florida Listening Assembly is not conducted under the auspices of the Diocese of St. Augustine, nor is it sanctioned, approved or endorsed by the diocese or any other entity of the Roman Catholic Church.

Although the stated purpose of the ACC is to “reclaim the promise of the Holy Spirit manifested in Vatican II,” in fact, the goals proposed in their literature, as well as the organizations which make up the ACC, are largely in opposition to the teachings of the Second Vatican Council and the Holy Spirit, which inspired that Council.

I commend and embrace all true efforts at Church renewal, but the ACC’s agenda is decidedly not such an effort. Many of the groups which have banded together in the ACC espouse positions which are clearly contrary to Catholic faith and morals, and which engender only alienation and estrangement from the Church.

Accordingly, the Diocese of St. Augustine cautions any Catholic against participating in this North Florida Listening Assembly, as well as the national assembly to be held in June in Detroit. Catholic parishes, schools, and institutions are not to host any meetings, gatherings, or “listening sessions” associated with either event or with the ACC.

Additionally, priests, deacons, and lay ministers are expected to avoid these events, and to strongly urge the faithful not to attend or support them or the ACC in any manner. I ask, rather, that we all pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit and shun efforts which threaten the unity of the Church for which Christ, himself, so fervently prayed — Bishop Victory Galeone

Archbishop Allen Vigneron had already issues a similar statement in regards to the Detroit meeting.

It is so predictable the names these dissident groups choose. “North Florida Listening Assembly” like I guess Hillary Clintons Listening Tour. They always betray themselves by saying they are listening when really what they have their ears attuned to is the spirit of the age in an act of itchy ear listening. If tons of faithful Catholics went to one of their events – I can guarantee you there would not be much listening going on.

But really if they are so interested in listening than they should listen to Jesus and specifically when he said “He who hears you, hears me.” when addressing the Apostles and giving them teaching authority. In the case of the ACC they have only not listened to the respective bishops, but have defied them. Jesus continued his statement with “and he who rejects you rejects me, and he who rejects me rejects him who sent me.” This perfectly describes the ACC and like groups.

December 12, 2010 8 comments
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Liturgy

The use of an Advent Wreath

by Jeffrey Miller December 12, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

I heard an interesting discussion of the use of the Advent wreath in the church on the always excellent Catholic Underground Podcast. Joshua LeBlanc had done the homework and referenced the Book of Blessing in this regard.

1512 If the Advent Wreath is to be used in church, it should be of sufficient size to be visible to the congregation. It may be suspended from the ceiling or placed on a stand. If it is placed in the presbyterium, it should not interfere with the celebration of the liturgy, nor should it obscure the altar, lectern, or chair.

1513 When the Advent Wreath is used in church, on the Second and succeeding Sundays of Advent the candles are lighted either before Mass begins or immediately before the opening prayer; no additional rites or prayers are used.

So interestingly the use of Advent Wreaths is optional and I would guess at the discretion of the pastor of the parish when placed in accordance to the norms mentioned.

The U.S.C.C.B document “Built of Living Stones” mentions:

§ 128 § Objects such as the Advent wreath, the Christmas crib, and other traditional seasonal appointments proportioned to the size of the space and to the other furnishings can enhance the prayer and understanding of the parish community.

I like Advent Wreaths myself, but have certainly seen them used in a church in a way that obscures the altar.

The Book of Blessing also has the rite for blessing Advent Wreaths in both a short form and longer form with the short form recommended for the home to be done by a parent. You can read the appropriate section here. I hadn’t realized there was a specific rite for the home which I find pretty cool.

December 12, 2010 0 comment
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Software

There’s an app for that

by Jeffrey Miller December 8, 2010December 8, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

If you need to find a Catholic church and you’re out on the road, the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston has an app for you.

In the latest example of an ancient institution deploying the latest technology, the Archdiocese says a free iPhone app is available that will display all the nearest Catholic churches and, if desired, show directions to the church.

“We wanted to develop a tool for the website and for the iPhone that makes it easy for Catholics to locate any of our parishes, particularly those along their commute route after work,” Scot Landry, the archdiocesan secretary for Catholic Media said in a statement.

The tool might come in handy, officials said, for Catholics during the church’s Advent season push to get Catholics to come to confession.

The archdiocese is repeating its “The Light Is On For You” campaign from Lent, urging people to take the sacrament of penance on the evenings of Dec. 15 and Dec. 22.

“Our research from Lent indicated that many of the 30,000 Catholics went to confessions at a parish different from their home parish,” Landry said. “The iPhone app is wonderful, as a Catholic can push one button that will show all the nearby parishes immediately.”

“What we’re trying to do is just make it easier to find these parishes,” he said in a telephone interview.

So what’s a Catholic with a Droid phone to do?

Never fear. Landry said in a telephone interview that eventually the archdiocese would make Droid apps, but it began with the iPhone app because it already had experience with making iPhone apps that let people read the church’s Pilot newspaper or watch clips from Catholic TV.

The app is called Pilot Catholic Directory

Quite cool and the app is fairly interesting. You can even search by Language and “Extraordinary Form” is an option to filter your search. It includes contact information, Mass times, and can use your current location to map you to where a parish is.

On the minus side the app requires Wi-Fi/3G to work and so iPod Touch users can only use it when you have Wi-Fi available. Not a problem for iPhone users though. The app would be even better if they did list confession times and if they are going to be pushing this for the upcoming Lent maybe they will be updating it with this information. Having a Confession button along with Mass Times would be a good thing for sure.

For Catholics outside of Boston there is the Catholic Mass Times Church Directory app for the iPhone. The Catholic Directory web site is actually pretty good and now that I look at it seems to have more information than the more well known Mass Times including confession and adoration. No mention on their site for an Android version.

The app itself though is a bit of a disappointment. You can search by current location and get a list of parishes close to you – though you can’t set the distance. The church I wanted to check I could not easily get to. You should be able to select by State, City, Parish Name – and you can only search by street address, City, State. The information for Mass times etc, does not seem to exactly match their web site, but there is an ability to update the information to send back to them if the information displayed needs to be corrected. Also need to be connected to the internet to use.

If you have an internet connected device the app is good, but their web site might be better to use since you can more easily find specific parishes. The app also has ads for the company that makes this service available.

On a geeky phone OS note, I find it interesting that they mention the Droid when really they should be mentioning Android which is the mobile OS used for plenty of phones besides the Droid. Many Android users seems to see the phone model first and not identify the Android OS. Though considering that each Android Cell Phone maker usually adds an interface layer of their own above Android I guess this is no surprise.

December 8, 2010December 8, 2010 6 comments
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Punditry

Further making a sash of themselves

by Jeffrey Miller December 8, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

The Rainbow Sash Movement wishes to congratulate Cardinal Wuerl of the Archdiocese of Washington for siding with common sense and reason by allowing “Catholics for Equality” a newly formed Washington DC based Gay Catholic political organization, sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign Fund to host an event to be held at Georgetown University Intercultural Center Auditorium University Wednesday, December 8, 2010 8:30 – 10:00 PM

We are glad to see that Cardinal Wuerl is not taking the same position of Archbishop Timothy Dolan recently elected president of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops, but allows for vigorous debate.

…

This story has the slight problem of being a total lie. The Cardinal did not such thing and they know it.

This is the response from the Archdiocesan director of Communications:

“Yes. We were in touch with Georgetown. The group Catholics for Equality has been told by GU it may not sponsor or hold events there. An adjunct faculty member at GU, Rev. Joe Palacios, is the leader of the gay marriage group (he is very involved with Human Rights Campaign). He is on some panel the GU Dems and GU GOP are sponsoring. He is a priest of LA. He does not have faculties in the Archdiocese of Washington. In short Rainbow Sash put out a wholesale lie apparently trying to get attention. Thanks for the heads up. Please feel free to let those you know are concerned the information is completely false.” [source]

December 8, 2010 1 comment
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Link

Pass the Fried Chicken

by Jeffrey Miller December 8, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

Fr Longenecker has a wonderful post on how he came to accept the Immaculate Conception which oddly involves the phrase “Pass the Fried Chicken.”

Mark Shea posted a part of his excellent Marian trilogy “Mary, Mother of the Son” involving the Immaculate Conception.

December 8, 2010 0 comment
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Punditry

Baby GPS

by Jeffrey Miller December 7, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

If a church is worried that heartless Grinches might steal from its Nativity scene, it can tag the Baby Jesus with a GPS tracker.

BrickHouse Security is providing free GPS trackers to churches and communities across the country.

Religious institutions and nonprofits can enroll in a program to get a free Spark Nano GPS tracker to install inside a Baby Jesus statue or attach to a Menorah.

That way if a thief makes off with a cherished treasure, the church, synagogue, or other group can log on via computer or mobile phone to track the missing items. [Source]

Some might remember my prophetic parody from years ago:

Find Jesus

Do you know where you Baby Jesus in your Nativity set is? With the rash of Baby Jesus thefts across the country whether it be public or private land how can you be sure? Do your check your lawn often fearing some Nativity scene napper with who know what nefarious scheme? Or perchance that it will be stolen only to be returned later with glued on devil horns as happened recently in Norwalk, Connecticut. Have you considered even resorting to using a chain attached to the leg of the Baby Jesus regardless of the atheistic of this act?

If so you might consider our new product – Find Jesus®! Our plastic Baby Jesus plastic doll product Find Jesus® comes with and embedded GPS transmitter, external antenna, and combined with our unique receiver you will know where it is at all time. You won’t be omnipresence, but you will know where Jesus is at all time. No more late night worries or concerns will plague you.

This GPS loop transmitting antenna cleverly disguised as a halo will ensure that you can track your Baby Jesus no matter where it is taken
The provided GPS receiver will help you track down your property if it does come up missing. This small compact unit will give you an exact location at every moment. If it detects that it has been moved from the preset position an alarm is sounded immediately. Simply follow the onscreen and audible instructions to retrieve your Baby Jesus or to provide the police with its location. Jesus tells the parable of the lost sheep which he was willing to go look for and find. Return the favor and Find Jesus®.

You might wonder how we can offer such compact and beyond state of the art technology? We have developed a new process called Niño Technology. Niño Technology provides very small programmed machines that operate the receiver and transmitter.

So do you know where your Baby Jesus is? You will if you have Find Jesus®

December 7, 2010 3 comments
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NewsSoftware

Pope2Pope?

by Jeffrey Miller December 7, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

HIS HOLINESS Pope Benedictus XVI, Pontifex Maximus and Dominus Apostolicus can now at the words “P2P Pirate” to his list of official titles.

The Pope was one of 774,651 people caught by the insecurity outfit Avast’s sweep of illegal use of its software.
Avast noticed that a license for its paid-for security software, sold to a 14-user firm in Arizona, was being distributed online. Rather than shut down the scam, the company decided to see how far the software would spread.

The Avast Pro licence showed up on filesharing websites, and a year and a half later it had topped three-quarters of a million active users. This includes two in the Vatican.

Totally stupid story where a reporter took a minute to grab titles for the Pope from Wikipedia knowing full well that the two people using the illegal copy were in Vatican City, not necessarily even an employee of the Vatican. But for reporters everything seems to be one degree of separation from the Pope.

Though if somebody working in the Vatican was using pirated software I think the greater shock is that they have access to a computer in the first place. Considering the lack of people in the Vatican who don’t seem to even Google something before making an announcement and that some according to some reports some Prefects don’t even have a computer. Though there are of course tech savvy people in the Vatican such as Sister Judith who manages the Vatican website and the servers named after Archangels.

December 7, 2010 3 comments
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Punditry

Anti-Catholic Textbook

by Jeffrey Miller December 6, 2010December 6, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

Dawn Eden sent me the following information.

A high-school textbook used for the AP (Advanced Placement) European History exam equates the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Penance with “high magic” and says that, to combat witchcraft in the 13th century, “the Church declared its magic to be the only true magic.”

The Western Heritage Since 1300 (10th Edition, AP Edition, is published by Pearson Education Inc., publishing as Prentice Hall) is written by Donald Kagan of Yale University, Stephen Ozment of Harvard University, and Frank M. Turner of Yale Unversity.

Attached as a PDF file are the relevant portions of the textbook, which were given to me by a teacher at a Catholic high school that uses the textbook. The teacher, who does not teach history, learned about it from a student who asked her if its account of “Church magic” was true.

An actual AP European History study sheet featuring material from the book. The study sheet is available as a download from http://teacherweb.com/ . The download link is http://teacherweb.com/CA/SantiagoHighSchool/Krueger/AP-Euro-Chapter-14-Student-Notes-Pages.doc .

Sample quote from the book’s Chapter 14, p. 438, under the section title “Influence of the Clergy”:

Had ordinary people not believed that “gifted persons” could help or harm by magical means, and had they not been willing to accuse them, the hunts would never have occured; however, the contribution of Christian theologians was equally great. When the church expanded into areas where its power and influence were small, it encountered semipagan cultures rich in folkloric beliefs that predated Christianity. There, it clashed with the cunning men and women, who were respected spiritual authorities in their local communities, the folk equivalents of Christian priests. The Christian clergy also practiced high magic. They could transform bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ (the sacrament of the Eucharist) and eternal penalties for sin into temporal ones (the sacrament of Penance or Confession). The also claimed the power to cast out demons who possessed the faithful.

In the late thirteenth century, the Church declared its magic to be the only true magic. Since such powers were not innate to humans, the theologians reasoned, they must come either from God or from the devil. Those from God were properly exercised within and by the church. Any who practiced magic outside and against the church did so on behalf of the devil.

And a sample quote from the attached study sheet:

1.

1. Influence of the Clergy

– When the church expanded into rural areas, it: ____________

– There the church clashed with the “cunning folk” who were respected in their communities

– The Christian clergy also performed “magic” by turning bread: __________________

– In the 13th century, the church declared its magic to be the only true magic

– The church argued that: ______________________________________________

– Therefore, magic either: ______________________________________________

– Those powers from God were good and were practiced w/in the church

– Those who practiced magic outside the church: ___________________________

– Attacking these so-called witches was a way for the church to extend its spiritual control

– The princes of the day who wanted: ____________________________________

– Witch trials became a way for the church and princes to realize their power goals

N.B. One of the book’s co-authors, Frank M. Turner, who died last month, also wrote a book on Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman that, according to its publisher, “portrays Newman as a disruptive and confused schismatic conducting a radical religious experiment” and “demonstrates that Newman’s passage to Rome largely resulted from family quarrels, thwarted university ambitions, the inability to control his followers, and his desire to live in a community of celibate males.”

I use to complain when history textbooks pretty much had a hole the size of the Catholic Church in them regarding the Church’s contributions to Western Civilization. But this textbook is a textbook example of anti-Catholicism.

December 6, 2010December 6, 2010 14 comments
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Punditry

Aslan as a Christ/Buddha/Mohammed figure

by Jeffrey Miller December 5, 2010December 5, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

Often actors can do a brilliant job at a role and yet not understand the role at all. The latest example is Liam Neeson who does the voice of Aslan in the Narnia films.

Neeson said: “Aslan symbolises a Christlike figure, but he also symbolises for me Mohammed, Buddha and all the great spiritual leaders and prophets over the centuries. [Source]

Wow what an insightful comment in the all religions are alike mode. For example:

Both Mohammed and Buddha laid down their life for others like Jesus. Oh wait.

Both Mohammed and Buddh a claimed to be God sent by the Father to redeem the sins of the world, just like Buddha except he didn’t believe in sin and just like Mohammed. Oh wait.

Jesus invaded towns and had child brides just like Mohammed. Plus Jesus taught you could lie to an enemy and break a treaty with an unbeliever just like Mohammed. Oh wait.

Jesus taught how man could escape suffering through loss of desire and personality. He held that every person must find his own path to nirvana, or the extinction of self. He also preached the untenable nature of existence and the means to escape suffering. Buddhism denies the ultimate existence of sin and the necessity of grace just like Buddha. Oh wait. But Aslan shows that the world is just CGI, kinda like Buddha.

Plus C.S. Lewis was an apologist for all paths lead to Heaven and talked equally about Christ/Buddha/Mohammed. In fact C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien use to have arguments about the use of allegory and did not like the obvious allegory of Christ/Buddah/Mohammed to Jesus. Oh wait.

Christ/Buddah/Mohammed all have names which start with a letter of the alphabet – hey maybe Liam Neeson is on to something.

December 5, 2010December 5, 2010 18 comments
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Punditry

Missing

by Jeffrey Miller December 2, 2010December 2, 2010
written by Jeffrey Miller

December 2, 2010December 2, 2010 5 comments
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About Me

Jeff Miller is a former atheist who after spending forty years in the wilderness finds himself with both astonishment and joy a member of the Catholic Church. This award-winning blog presents my hopefully humorous and sometimes serious take on things religious, political, and whatever else crosses my mind.

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About Me

Jeff Miller is a former atheist who after spending forty years in the wilderness finds himself with both astonishment and joy a member of the Catholic Church. This award winning blog presents my hopefully humorous and sometimes serious take on things religious, political, and whatever else crosses my mind.
My conversion story
  • The Curt Jester: Disturbingly Funny --Mark Shea
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  • One wag has even posted a list of the Top Ten signs that someone is in the grip of "motu-mania," -- John Allen Jr.
  • Brilliance abounds --Victor Lams
  • The Curt Jester is a blog of wise-ass musings on the media, politics, and things "Papist." The Revealer

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