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The Curt Jester

"It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it." GKC

Humor

Prepare the Kitty Conclave

by Jeffrey Miller March 2, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

Finally the media is getting to meatier stories regarding Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI.

Benedict XVI, no-longer-pope, is resuming pleasures once crowded out of his stressful life: Reading, strolling in the gardens and playing the piano, according to the Vatican.

So, can the pontiff emeritus finally have a cat again? Maybe.

No pets were allowed in the papal residence in Vatican City. But there are kitties all over the enormous garden at the papal retreat, Castel Gandolfo. That’s where Benedict is now ensconced for a few weeks until he can move to a residence being readied for him within Vatican City.

In the archives at Catholic University, there’s a 1958 comic book calledThe Cat from Castelgandolfo in which a fictitious kitty hung out with Pope Pius XI. And undated Web images show some plump felines languishing on the garden walls.

The pope’s brother, Rev. Georg Ratzinger, in his 2011 book, My Brother, the Pope, describes Joseph-who-became-Benedict as someone “very tenderhearted; he loves animals and flowers.” Back in 1968, when Rev. Joseph Ratzinger was a theology professor in the Bavarian town of Tubingen, a neighbor’s cat visited him daily.

“It even accompanied him to his lectures and to Mass. It was a black cat, a very intelligent pussycat,” the older brother writes.

In 2005, Georg Ratzinger’s housekeeper in Germany told MSNBC that the pope’s personal cat, Chico, was under the care of the person who tends the pope’s private residence there and another neighborhood cat visited Chico often.

So, if Georg wants to bring Chico along for a visit, there are two hotels in Castel Gandolfo that advertise they are “pet friendly.”

Once Benedict returns to live at the Mater Ecclesiae (Mother of the Church) refurbished apartment inside the Vatican City State, there are countless cats already afoot that could cozy up to a known soft touch. (source)

Really we need a Kitty Conclave to help him to ge an appropriate cat.

Could Contessina, a cat that roams the gardens at Vatican City, be pontiff emeritus Benedict XVI's first post-papacy cat? He couldn't have one when he lived in the papal residence. / Filippo Monteforte, AFP/Getty Images

Could Contessina, a cat that roams the gardens at Vatican City, be pontiff emeritus Benedict XVI’s first post-papacy cat? He couldn’t have one when he lived in the papal residence. / Filippo Monteforte, AFP/Getty Images

The pope being a cat person is not put of by their standoffish ways and the fact cats are friendly only when they want something. Really every pope should be a cat person since it will prepare them in working with the Curia. The cat above is really not really wearing liturgically appropriate fut. The emeritus pope needs a cat wearing appropriate fur. Perhaps all white with brown paws.

VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict has decided what he will wear once he is no longer pope: a simple white cassock and brown shoes given to him in León, Mexico.

“The city of Leon is known for beautiful shoes and very comfortable shoes. And when the Pope was asked what he wanted to wear, he said, ‘I want the shoes from León in Mexico,’” Vatican spokesman Father Federico Lombardi told journalists Feb. 26.

“It will no longer be the red shoes that you have seen him wear. He has chosen to keep brown shoes that were given to him on his recent trip,” he said.

As for his apparel, the pope emeritus will wear a simple white cassock without the mozzetta (the short cape that covers his shoulders). (source)

I especially like that Benedict will be wearing brown shoes. In the Navy officers and chiefs involved in aviation were allowed to wear brown shoes. So my being a Chief with the Aviation Electionic Technician rating I got to wear brown shoes instead of black. So finally I have exactly one thing in common with him (besides being male and Catholic).

March 2, 2013 4 comments
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LiturgyPunditry

The disappearance of the pipe organ

by Jeffrey Miller March 2, 2013March 2, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

PITTSBURGH (AP) — Officials at a Roman Catholic church in Pittsburgh have a holy mystery on their hands. They say someone, somehow stole the building’s organ — and the 200 massive pipes required to play it.
WPXI-TV reported Friday that the music equipment worth $200,000 has disappeared from St. Justin’s Church.

Church business manager Skip Hary (HAW’-ree) says he’s baffled how anyone could get the organ out of the building.

He says it would either have to be maneuvered down narrow flights of steps, or lowered over a balcony. And the pipes can only be accessed by a ladder into the ceiling.

St. Justin’s, in the city’s Mount Washington neighborhood, closed last month after merging with another church.
Police say there were no signs of forced entry. (source)

Well this time the dissappearance of the organ is an actually mystery. In most parishes the organ wilfully disappeared. Really in most parishes if someone stole the organ nobody would notice since it was never used.

March 2, 2013March 2, 2013 0 comment
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Punditry

His Awesomeness, Bishop Vasa

by Jeffrey Miller February 28, 2013February 28, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

The Santa Rosa Catholic Diocese is requiring its 200 schoolteachers to sign an agreement affirming that “modern errors” such as contraception, abortion, homosexual marriage and euthanasia are “matters that gravely offend human dignity.”

That means means abiding by the Ten Commandments, going to church every Sunday and heeding God’s words in thought, deed and intentions, according to a private church document that is an “addendum” to language in the current teachers’ contract.

The move is an effort by Bishop Robert Vasa to delineate specifically what it means for a Catholic-school teacher — whether Catholic or not — to be a “model of Catholic living” and to adhere to Catholic teaching.

When Bishop Vasa some years ago became the Bishop of the Diocese of Baker he did the same thing. No doubt there will be some similar results.

From an unidentified teacher who fears repercussions (according to the article):

“Personally, it’s probably something that I can’t sign,” said a teacher at Cardinal Newman High School in Santa Rosa.

Such a loss to Catholic education if this teacher does leave. Well not really. Although I have these funny ideas about actually teaching the fullness of the faith. Still exactly why does this teacher fear repercussions?

  • If the teacher objects to the document and refuses to sign it than being anonymous doesn’t matter.
  • It only matters to remain anonymous if you plan to lie and agree to it while actually rejecting parts of the oath. The teacher wants to keep their option open and is actually considering lying.

Bishop Vasa is also the only bishop that ever responded back to me in an email. I rarely write bishops, but I did email my thanks to him for his actions in the Diocese of Baker. Looks like it’s time to send another email of thanks.

source via Scott W

February 28, 2013February 28, 2013 30 comments
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Caption Contest

Sede Vacante – Caption Contest

by Jeffrey Miller February 28, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

Via the Vatican City State home page and Fr. Christopher Decker

sedevacante

February 28, 2013 3 comments
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Humor

Feeling flushed

by Jeffrey Miller February 28, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

Feeling especially rather “Lenty” today I needed a good laugh.

The local Sisters of Charity’s Office of Peace, Justice and Integrity of Creation has produced a Lenten “Care for Creation” calendar that has been circulated by a few like-minded parishes. Each day includes a recommended activity, and some of them are laugh-out-loud funny. Take a look at the recommendation for last Friday, Feb. 22:

Try a “water fast” by flushing your toilet half as often. Be mindful that many people around the world have access only to the amount of water each day that U.S. citizens use in one toilet flush.

The Office of Peace, Justice and Integrity of Creation (OPJIC, ‘natch) was founded by would-be priestess Louise Akers, who came to minor fame when Archbishop Pilarczyk barred her from teaching for the Archdiocese of Cincinnati when it was revealed she was a member of the Women’s Ordination Conference. But rest assured OPJIC has retained its founder’s spirit. The website includes a quote from notorious women’s ordination advocate Theresa Kane and an announcement that equally notorious dissident Joan Chittister will be the featured speaker at a symposium hosted by Xavier University. (source)

I guess this is the new version of “Eat all the food on your plate, there are starving people in the world.” Like that suggestion is actually does nothing for real problems and access to water is a serious problem in some parts of the world. Just as long as an action makes you feel good about yourself actual connection to doing good isn’t important. As an exercise in solidarity this one is pretty silly,

Now if you really wanted to flush half as often, get rid of your government mandated comode and buy a classic one where only one flush is actually required.

February 28, 2013 1 comment
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Other

Goodnight, Papa

by Jeffrey Miller February 27, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

If I could actually write well, the piece I would have liked to be able to write about the Holy Father would be something very like the piece written by Thomas L. McDonald ’night, Papa.

Here is just a snippet:

And I will miss him more than words can express. He was “my” pope. I read him for years as Joseph Ratzinger, marveling at a mind so sharp it could convey complex points with utter simplicity. As someone called to a teaching ministry, I was inspired by his ability to teach at any level required of him, and teach so well that he also could inspire. There were those who greeted the news of his election with dismay, because they understand the Church primarily through the lens of power and politics and modern obsessions. I was overjoyed, because I understand that the Church’s role primarily is pedagogical. An evangelical church is, first and foremost, a teaching Church. And what better leader for a teaching Church than a wise and compassionate teacher?

Whoever next occupies the See of Peter will also be my pope, but at the age I am and being the man I am, I doubt I will ever have the kind of connection that I had with Benedict. After many years of spiritual wandering far away from my Catholic roots, his was the quiet voice that summoned me back and showed me a new way. He reshaped the way I think. All of the reading and education and influences that went into furnishing my mental apartment is now viewed through a Ratzingerian lens.

As a convert there is something wonderful about your first experience with the build up to the conclave and then to the first report of white smoke. Although this was bittersweet with the passing of Blessed John Paul II. Still your first experience of the interregnum and election of a new pope can be quite exciting. The fact that I was already quite a fan of Cardinal Ratzinger regarding his books and leadership in the CDF it was even more special. Long before he was pope I had been following the Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club along with digging into his writings and so to have your favorite Cardinal elected as pope is pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Pope Benedict throughout his life has combined talents rarely seen. A bookish professor with leadership skills is a rare thing indeed. One that can make hard and wise decisions while also teaching the fullness of the faith is even rarer. Some might have seen his election as a “caretaker” pontificate, and he has indeed taken care of us. We don’t have the long eyes of history to fully see the impact he has had as pope. Still we can see many visible impacts now from both his leadership and teaching. Wiser people than I have already listed many of them.

It is hard to process all my feelings regarding Pope Benedict XVI. There is already a selfish sense of loss and apprehension for thinking forward to 2:00 PM EST tomorrow, when the Pope’s abdication takes effect. As hard as this hits me, I don’t quite understand those who are angry with the Holy Father for resigning. They want him to continue as Pope because they trust his judgment, but don’t trust his long-prayerful judgment regarding this. I wish it had been otherwise, but if anything I love him more for this. I will be praying for him and am thrilled that he will also be praying for us.

Again there is also the bittersweet feeling regarding the impending interregnum, the start of the conclave, and the election of a new pope. I feel bad for getting excited about this as if it was disrespectful. Still it is an exciting time for Catholics, especially for Catholics who entered the Church after Pope Benedict XVI’s election.

I am pretty much ignorant regarding the majority of the Cardinals or the favored papabile of the day. While there are some Cardinals I really like and who might make great popes, I have no special insights as to who the conclave might pick. It is easy to fall into the idea of “Wouldn’t it be great if ‘Cardinal X’ from ‘Country/Continent X’ became pope. Where the location and not the man is more important. I might feel a bit of this in regard to Cardinal Tagle of the Philippines because of my own connections to that country and the seeming humility of the man. The mean side of me could root for Cardinal Burke to be elected just for the total freak-out reaction regarding dissident Catholics and much of the world. Although a pope being Catholic and faithful to the Church might get roughly the same reaction.

With Mr. McDonald I totally concur in repeating.

And all we can say will be, “Good night, papa, and thank you.”

February 27, 2013 3 comments
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Humor

What if the Church was a Car Company?

by Jeffrey Miller February 26, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

Pat Archbold has a a very funny piece up a the National Catholic Register titled What if the Church was a Car Company?.

Just to whet your appetite before you read the whole thing:

  • Communion of Saints: The ultimate drivers support group. Like totally On*Star on steroids.
  • Concupiscence: The tendency of all people to drive off the road while fiddling with the radio.

Although there is one definition I would tweak:

  • Confession: The repair department. For the measly price of a few ‘Our Fathers’, ‘Haily Marys’, and repentance you can have your car returned to factory condition.

I would say to to get your car returned to factory condition would be the sacrament of Baptism. Confession does not always remit the temporal punishment which God requires as satisfaction for our sins. Baptism takes away all the punishment, both eternal and temporal.

Now here are some of my own definitions to add to the list:

  • Dissidents Just like the car’s exhaust where a lot of hot fumes go through it and it works best when muffled. Instead of a catalytic converter a Catholic conversion is much better.
  • Women’s Ordination Conference A group that pretty much hates every car in the companies lineup, yet for some reason wants to run the company.
  • Conscience This is just like the dashboard warning lights. When these light up you should never ignore them or else they could lead to the dreaded “Check Engine” light. Repair ye, before your engine is dead that your malfunctions can be wiped away.
  • Spiritual Direction You think your car is running pretty good, but you want it perfectly tuned up. The mechanic gets under the hood and helps you to find areas such as valves that need to be adjusted and other things that throw off your timing. The mechanic helps you to see the problems you missed that need repair.
  • Gather Hymnal Like a Chevrolet Corvair and unsafe at any time signature.

Plus of course there is my picture of Mary’s Fiat:

February 26, 2013 4 comments
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Punditry

Adopt a Cardinal

by Jeffrey Miller February 25, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

What about you? Do you feel the same way too?

  • Are you infinitely thankful to God for having given us such a wonderful, wise and benevolent pope in Benedict XVI.?
  • Do you sincerely hope that the Church will be granted a worthy successor: a rock of faith, a leader open to the Holy Spirit, a pope prayerful and holy?
  • Do you as an important part of the Body of Christ wish to contribute through the power of your prayers so that the Holy Spirit may guide, protect and enlighten our Cardinals when they determine the next successor of St. Peter?

You now have the opportunity to actively be part of this providential endeavour by having a Cardinal assigned to you, who you will support through your prayer and intercession during the coming weeks before and during the conclave and for three days following the election

This is from the site http://www.adoptacardinal.org

I think this is a rather cool idea, but one aspect of it raises a quibble or two on my part.

Pray for a short moment so the Holy Spirit may choose the right Cardinal for you, and then click the button below.

While this is theologically possible, it seems to me that the odds that the Holy Spirit is going to affect whatever randomization algorithm the site uses is rather small. What in fact we will have is pseudorandom number generator based on a seed state used against an array of Cardinal names.

Although the Apostles had a simpler randomization method when they threw lots and selected Matthias. I guess both methods are based on Matth.

February 25, 2013 9 comments
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Link

To the Monasteries of Contemplative Life

by Jeffrey Miller February 25, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

Reverend Mother,
Reverend Father,

I write to you as the whole Church anxiously follows the final days of the luminous pontificate of His Holiness Benedict XVI and awaits the arrival of the successor whom the Cardinals gathered in conclave and guided by the Holy Spirit will choose, after discerning together the signs of the times of the Church and the world.

His Holiness Benedict XVI has asked all the faithful to accompany him with their prayers as he commends the Petrine ministry into the Lord’s hands, and to await with trust the arrival of the new Pope. In a particularly urgent way this appeal is addressed to those chosen members of the Church who are contemplatives. The Holy Father is certain that you, in your monasteries and convents throughout the world, will provide the precious resource of that prayerful faith which down the centuries has accompanied and sustained the Church along her pilgrim path. The coming conclave will thus depend in a special way on the transparent purity of your prayer and worship.

The most significant example of this spiritual elevation which manifests the most authentic and profound dimension of every ecclesial action, the presence of the Holy Spirit who guides the Church, is offered to us by His Holiness Benedict XVI who, after having steered the barque of Peter amid the waves of history, has chosen to devote himself above all to prayer, contemplation and reflection.

The Holy Father, with whom I shared the contents of this letter, was deeply appreciative, and asked me to thank you and to assure you of his immense love and esteem.

With affection in Christ I send you greetings, united with you in prayer.

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone
Secretary of State

February 25, 2013 0 comment
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Punditry

That was quick

by Jeffrey Miller February 25, 2013
written by Jeffrey Miller

Edinburgh, Scotland, Feb 25, 2013 / 05:55 am (CNA/EWTN News).- Pope Benedict XVI has accepted Cardinal Keith P. O’Brien’s resignation, and the cardinal has announced he will not attend the conclave.

“Approaching the age of seventy-five and at times in indifferent health, I tendered my resignation as Archbishop of Saint Andrews and Edinburgh to Pope Benedict XVI some months ago. I was happy to know that he accepted my resignation ‘nunc pro tunc’ – (now – but to take effect later) on 13 November 2012,” Cardinal O’Brien said in a Feb. 25 statement.

The Pope decided on Feb. 18 that he would accept his resignation effective Feb. 25.

The cardinal recently became the focus of allegations by three priests and a former clergyman who say they received inappropriate sexual advances from him during the 1980s.

The leader of the Saint Andrews and Edinburgh Archdiocese also announced that he will not be attending the conclave to elect the next Pope.

“I also ask God’s blessing on my brother Cardinals who will soon gather in Rome to elect his successor. I will not join them for this Conclave in person,” he said.

“I do not wish media attention in Rome to be focused on me – but rather on Pope Benedict XVI and on his Successor,” the Scottish cardinal added.

Pope Benedict will appoint an apostolic administrator to oversee the archdiocese until the next Pope chooses his replacement. (source)

Wow that was a compressed chain of events:

  • 22 Feb – Cardinal O’Brien said he believes priests should be able to marry if they wish to do so.
  • 24 Feb – Three priests and a former priest accuse Cardinal O’Brien of “inappropriate acts.”
  • 25 Feb – Pope accepts Cardinal’s resignation earlier than scheduled.

This has been a test of my own charity in regard to connection of these events. Whenever somebody in the Church starts advocating for a change in discipline in regards to priestly celibacy I am usually suspicious of their motives. When charges against him rapidly came out I easily jumped to the “yeah I knew it” instead of being as skeptical against such charges as I usually am.

Regardless his decision to not attend the Conclave certainly deserves some respect. If only Cardinal Roger Mahony had the same concern for the Church.

Recently Cardinal Levada said:

“There are some victims groups for whom enough is never enough, so we have to do our jobs as best we see it,” said Levada, 76, who spoke with reporters from a Menlo Park seminary as he prepared for his trip to the Vatican for the papal conclave.

“He has apologized for errors in judgment that were made,” Levada said. “I believe he should be at the conclave.”

There is always some sensitivity whenever a Cardinal is pressured to not attend a conclave. What Cardinal Levada said about victims groups can certainly be true at times. What this dismisses is that actions have consequences that are not damped just by saying sorry. Extremely serious errors don’t go away by saying you had lapses in your judgment. You can’t just skip the “ashes and sackcloth” phase and go right to demanding that you “accept my apology.” Especially when the Cardinal has reacted like he was a martyr who is humbly enduring bad treatment. I might be totally wrong, but I get the feeling that Cardinal Mahony’s criteria is “not for the good of the Church”, but for the “good of Cardinal Mahony.”

February 25, 2013 1 comment
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About Me

Jeff Miller is a former atheist who after spending forty years in the wilderness finds himself with both astonishment and joy a member of the Catholic Church. This award-winning blog presents my hopefully humorous and sometimes serious take on things religious, political, and whatever else crosses my mind.

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Jeff Miller is a former atheist who after spending forty years in the wilderness finds himself with both astonishment and joy a member of the Catholic Church. This award winning blog presents my hopefully humorous and sometimes serious take on things religious, political, and whatever else crosses my mind.
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