Abbott and Costello go to Sunday School

Abbott: Well Costello, I am going to be going through salvation history with you. The pastor gave me this job to prepare you for RCIA.

Costello. Well Abbott, if you are my teacher, surely you know all of the players in Bible history.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well I don’t know much about Bible history, so you will have to tell me their names so I know who was involved.

Abbott: Oh, I’ll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give some of them very peculiar names in the past.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, old names like Habakkuk or Melchizedek.

Costello Mel who?

Abbott: Melchizedek.

Costello: Well that is strange, what did Mr. Kezidek do.

Abbott: No not .. well never mind. He was a priest who offered a sacrifice of bread and wine for Abraham, his name means "king of righteousness."

Costello: Was righteousness a large kingdom?

Abbott: Righteousness is not a kingdom of all it means he was the King of Salem which means peace.

Costello: First he is the king of Righteousness then Salem, which is it?

Abbott: I think this topic is a little advanced for you maybe we could move on to some other names.

Costello: Sure, how about God. Does he have a name?

Abbott: Why yes he does. When Moses saw the burning bush he asked God his name so he might tell the Israelites who sent him.

Costello: Well what is it?

Abbott: I AM

Costello: No you’re not God, tell me his name.

Abbott: I told you, I AM.

Costello: What I don’t understand, is his name also Abbott.

Abbott: No of course not.

Costello: Then what is is?

Abbott: I AM WHO I AM

Costello: What is this some new age philosophy that we are all part of God?

Abbott: No that is the name he told Moses.

Costello: I am confused.

Abbott: No it is just I AM, God is never confused.

Costello: Well I do know that Jesus is the son of God, what does Jesus call him.

Abbott: Father.

Costello: Sure I know he’s his father, but what is his name.

Abbott: I told you, Father.

Costello: Wait I am not your father.

Abbott: No you don’t understand, the first person of the Holy Trinity is called Father.

Costello: Well first you tell me it’s I Am and then you tell me it’s Father. Next you’ll say "Luke, I AM your Father."

Abbott: No Luke wrote the third Gospel.

Costello: What? Well lets’ move onto something else for now.

Abbott: Great, what do you want to know.

Costello: Well I always loved the story about the Ark and all the animals. Who was it that built the Ark.

Abbott: Noah.

Costello: Why not?

Abbott: I told you, Noah.

Costello: Can you give me a reason why not?

Abbott: For the third and final time, Noah!

Costello: Well you don’t have to get snippy about it, if you don’t want to tell me fine. How about letting me know what the Ark was made of?

Abbott: Gopher wood.

Costello: Why should I go for wood.

Abbott: No I said gopher wood.

Costello: Is this some practical demonstration or something? Can’t you just tell me what it was made of.

Abbott: I already told you gopher wood.

Costello: Well, I am not going to. Maybe you can tell me a little about Moses successor.

Abbott: Oh yeah, Joshua son of Nun.

Costello: Son of none, you mean he doesn’t have a father?

Abbott: Sure he had, Nun.

Costello: How could that be? Was this another virgin birth.

Abbott: No the virgin birth was a unique event relating to the Messiah.

Costello: Let me get this straight. Now if Joshua’s mother took some food to his father who would he give it to.

Abbott: Nun.

Costello: So none got the food?

Abbott: Exactly, now you got it.

Costello: What, I don’t even know what I am saying.

Abbott: No I AM is Gods’ name.

Costello: I don’t know if I can continue these lessons. I am just not able.

Abbott: Of course not, Abel was killed by Cain.

Costello: Jumping Jehosophat I just don’t care.

Abbot:t: We will cover King Jehosophat next week along with other kings of Judah.