Coming back this year from the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress and the introduction of the exciting Hawaiian liturgy, liturgists were all a buzz over the exciting possibilities.
Now Catholics United for the Farce (CUF) will meet this rising demand across the country with our new magazine Lei Witness. Each issue is jam packed with Hawaiian dance moves for the Mass. The first issue comes with step by step explanations for the “Come Holy Spirit Hip Shake.” The audience at the Mass will come more and more to love Jesus with every gyration. So don’t miss out on your chance to help out the Lei-aty.
Each issue also includes information to be taught in your religious education programs. Jesus taught his disciples at the Last Luau to remember him always and what better way to remember him then through sacred hula dance. This must be true because after many people see our sacred hula dance they exclaim “Oh Jesus.”
Each issue also contains the sheet music for Hawaiian Hymns. The Entrance hymns for the Mass played on a Ukulele are just awe-inspiring. Your congregation will become Don Ho-ly in no time.
(Picture from this years conference)
If you subscribe now to one year of Lei Witness we will include this free Holy Hula statue.
Now some have complained that Liturgical Dance has been discouraged by the Vatican and that the U.S. Bishops have also said that this is not to be allowed in the U.S. Now if this was actually true would Cardinal Mahoney have sat and watched liturgical dance at the L.A. Religious Educators conference year after year without making a complaint? Obviously not, so go out there and get your liturgy shaking.
You may have a valid point regarding dance in liturgy here in the US, but the point about the Ukelele is bothersome, given that the religious community I am in formation with has Hawaiian brothers. I see the use of the ukelele and Hawaiian in the liturgies as inculturation. I am a little appalled by this particular commentary.
I’m not 1/1000 as appalled by this as I am by liturgical dance in the midwestern US, where it flat out doesn’t belong. Actually I think this entry is pretty funny.
Ukeleles are just little guitars in michigan and it makes them easier to swipe before mass. 😉 I like em.
Very, very funny stuff.
The Disney-ization of the Mass, alas, is not just the stuff of parodies.
A parish near me (consisting entirely of white, ethnically German parishioners and a very few Vietnamse,) has a regularly scheduled “Caribbeean” Mass, where the congregants and musicians all wear Hawaiian shirts (not quite sure why.)
It’s difficult to believe the pictures actually came from our own wonderful Archdiocesan Religious Ed. Conference. There are three persons shown who are readily identifiable as males and all but one of the females shown appears to be under 80.
Holy hula? Try saying THAT fast 3 times!
So…..does Cardinal Mahoney have one of those hula girls affixed to the dashboard of his car?
As long as we’re tailoring the liturgy to ethnicities, I shudder to think what the Irish/Celtic version might look like. Certainly Guinness in the place of wine…
Actually, the Irish would be silent. Masses in Ireland during British rule were clandestinely held. No undue attention.
Well, then, I want a “country boy” mass. The priest’s vestments will be made from denim and plaid flannel, and everyone will wear ballcaps with confederate flags or industrial logos. We’ll have slide guitars wing-wanging the hymns (I suggest “Gather Us In” by M. Haugen and “A Country Boy Can Survive” by H. Williams), and halter-topped women sitting on the shoulders of their husbands out in the congregation, snapping their fingers and swaying to the beat. Tattered nylon lawn chairs will replace the inauthentic pews, and during the consecration the priest will fly about the church on invisible guidewires like Garth Brooks. All the men will reverently remove their dips before receiving communion. The “ite, miss est” will be accompanied by rebel yells and gunfire.
Silence wouldn’t preclude the use of Guinness.
As President of the “real” CUF, all I want to know is Oahu’s responsible for this, and Kauai’s this happening?!
Love the puns, Mr. Suprenant.
Where’s Jack Lord when you need him?
“Book ’em all, Dano”
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