Mr. Priest: Honey, I’m home.
Mrs. Priest: So how was your day at the office?
Mr. Priest: Busy as usual and I spent about five hours hearing confessions.
Mrs. Priest: Really, tell my some of the juicy bits.
Mr. Priest: We have gone over this before. You know I can’t reveal what I heard in confession.
Mrs. Priest: I don’t like you keeping secrets from me. It’s not good for a healthy relationship. You know you can trust me to not tell anybody else.
Mr. Priest: Revealing what goes on in confession leads to an automatic excommunication. St. John Nepomucen was killed because he would not reveal the queens confession.
Mrs. Priest: Well if you don’t tell me anything, then your next. Well, never-mind. Don’t forget that little Jimmy has his soccer game at ten tomorrow.
Mr. Priest: Ten? You know I will be saying Mass then.
Mrs. Priest: Your work is always interfering with our family. You spend way too much time there and you are so full of excuses You need to reevaluate your priorities and put our family first.
Mr. Priest: Being a priest is not just a nine to five job. After the Vatican approved optional celibacy and we got married, I told you that it would be a rough life and full of sacrifice. Remember that the Bible says You are a priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek.
Mrs. Priest: Well I am sure that Mrs. Melchizedek had a couple things to say to her husband also. Going around and offering heads of tribes a sacrifice of bread and wine instead of taking the garbage out. Which reminds me, you need to take the garbage out.
Mr. Priest: I will as soon as I am done praying evening prayer.
Mrs. Priest: It is always something. Prayer, rosaries, retreats, picketing abortion clinics, marrying people, baptism, et cetera, et cetera. Maybe one day you will be holy enough that you can levitate the garbage outside. You would think that you are married to the Church or something.
Mr. Priest: As a priest I am responsible for the souls in my parish. It is a heavy responsibility and it is difficult to balance the parish life and the family life.
Mrs. Priest: Another thing comes to mind. Could you get people to stop calling you Father? Little Susy keeps wondering just how many brothers and sisters she has in this city.
Mr. Priest: I am a spiritual father just as St. Paul called some of his converts children.
Mrs. Priest: Your no St. Paul and just look at all the hours you spend at work and look at your pitiful salary. Do you think that we can afford college and a mortgage? Monthly bills like Life and Martyrs Insurance have to be paid. Tomorrow I want you to march right down and tell your boss that you need a raise.
Mr. Priest: But honey, I just can’t walk up to the Bishop and demand a raise. It just isn’t done.
Mrs. Priest: I should have been suspicious when I found out that Bishop meant overseer. Those bad aliens in Alien Nation were also called overseers. With their fancy robes, colored socks, and mitre they forget about their workers. What is ever more unfair is that they won’t advance married priests to the episcopacy. Just because the Orthodox have maintained a similar tradition since the beginning is no reason for us to copy it. It is just not fair that there is a stained glass ceiling for married priests. I could picture myself as Mrs. Pope. Though we would need to update the Pope Mobile so that it could fit our family. A papal SUV or family van would be more fitting.
Mr. Priest: That was the parish secretary. I need to go to St. Luke’s Hospital to hear a dying man’s confession.
Mrs. Priest: I know, anything to get out of taking out the garbage.