Following in the footsteps of this worthy writer, I propose a new game. Beginning from any
premise whatever (sexual abuse, low SAT scores, bad school lunches, war with
Iraq, spanking, etc), write a brief editorial which somehow manages to conclude,
against all logic, “The solution for much of this is painfully obvious: Ordain
women, and drop the celibacy requirement.” Extra points if you can drip with
condescending sarcasm and contempt for the stupidity of those who do not see the
logic of your conclusion. [Link]
Check out some very funny entries submitted in the comment box at his blog.
Here is my entry:
Cleveland Browns lose playoff games due to male hierarchy
Many people have attributed the Cleveland Browns loss due to letting their
guard down and becoming over confident. But let us examine the real reasons for
this loss. If we were to go into the teams locker room before the game or during
half-time we would find members of the clergy there available as team chaplains.
We would observe the total one sidedness of an all male priesthood, there was no
one there of the female sex in which to help those players get in touch with
their feminine side. We needed to put the cleavage in Cleveland. If only we had
woman priestesses, then the feminine influence would have led them to
contemplate their female side and thrown a “Hail Mary” pass instead of a short
pass and not getting out of bounds before the game ended. This “short pass and
get into position to kick a field goal mentality” is what is wrong with the
church today. Men would rather do it all themselves instead of putting it all
into a woman’s hands. Having unmarried male priests promotes this false idea of
men being able to do it all alone. The idea of celibate men in the confessional
giving advice on sexually related matters is hypocritical. There is a Dear Abby
column and a Ann Landers but no Dear Joe or Dear Butch columns (and nobody wants
a Dear John), people would prefer women’s advice in the confessional over a
repressed XY chromosome type. What is more fitting then having the XX in the
confessional. A pope Joan Paul would have kept the scandal from occurring in the
church in the first place.
