(Washington D.C.) A surprise decision came from the five Commissioners of
\nthe Federal Communications Commission (FCC) today when they announced that prayer
\nwas a form of communication under the purview of the FCC. The FCC was established
\nby the Communications Act of 1934 and is charged with regulating interstate
\nand international communications. The FCC deemed that since prayer could effect
\npeople in other states it comes under their jurisdiction for interstate
\ncommunications. Their official statements says "We have gone too long without
\nregulating this use of public communications, it does not matter whether communications
\nbe within the radio spectrum or of the omnipresent kind."<\/p>\n
Anyone now desiring to pray will have to apply for a license from the FCC before
\nengaging in this activity. A decision has been made to institute a seven-tier
\nlicense depending on the prayer level of the individual from amateur to mystic.
\nThis system is to be based on St. Teresa of Avila’s classic work the "Spirtual
\nCastle." One of the Commisioners said that the beauty of this system is
\nthat everyone thinks they are in a higher mansion of prayer then they really
\nare and are more apt to pay for a license at a higher fee then they are really
\nqualified for.<\/p>\n
A new regulatory agency the Prayer Enforcement Agency (PEA) will be established
\nto monitor unlicensed prayer. All miracles will be investigated to make sure
\nthat those involved met the requirements and were correctly licensed. Spot checks
\nwill be made in churches where an undercover PEA officer will ask people to
\npray for them and if they say yes than their credential will be asked for. All
\nclergy will have to pay a professional fee and contemplative monasteries or
\nconvents will be charged accordingly. There will also be a special Catholic
\nMass users fee since it has been stated that this is highest form of prayer
\non earth.<\/p>\n
Initial reports from across the country of people expressing outrage at the
\nlatest government intrusion. The US Catholic Bishop’s conference also expressed
\noutrage against licensing a fundamental right of every human being. They also
\nsaid that it was not fair that the government should license only one segment
\nof society that includes church-goers, theists, and Buffalo Bills fans. Not
\nall reports have been negative, The Kentucky Fried Chicken Corporation announced
\nthat they will pay for a high level license and will start offering a special
\nof a wing and a prayer.<\/p>\n
The Congress is considering a bill to make up for the inequity of only licensing
\ntheists. The "Unbelievers Tax" will also be a multi-tiered tax based
\non level of unbelief. Agnostics will be charged at whatever the highest rate
\nis for believers or nonbelievers until they submit in writing their preference.
\nThe "Unbelievers Tax" will be due each year on April Fools day. National
\nAtheist News replied that they couldn’t believe this new tax, unfortunately
\nunbelief in the "Unbelievers Tax" is not a valid excuse and is not
\nwaiverable.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Washington D.C.) A surprise decision came from the five Commissioners of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) today when they announced that prayer was a form of communication under the purview…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8552","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parody"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8552","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8552"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8552\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8552"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8552"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8552"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}