{"id":8277,"date":"2003-04-23T13:35:46","date_gmt":"2003-04-23T18:35:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost:8888\/2003\/04\/23\/theologically-correct-timepieces\/"},"modified":"2003-04-23T13:35:46","modified_gmt":"2003-04-23T18:35:46","slug":"theologically-correct-timepieces","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/2003\/04\/theologically-correct-timepieces\/","title":{"rendered":"Theologically Correct Timepieces"},"content":{"rendered":"<table width=\"100%\" border=\"1\">\n<tr>\n<td width=\"92%\" valign=\"top\" bgcolor=\"#FFFFFF\">\n<p class=\"post\">For those<br \/>\nwho never know what to say when asked about the Jesus&#8217; Second Coming<br \/>\nnow you can reliably know exactly what to say at any time. Confused by<br \/>\nHal LIndsey prophesies? Thought the end of the world was back in 1986?<br \/>\nPlanning a vacation and want to know if the end of the world will prevent<br \/>\nit? Then get the latest in theologically correct apocalyptic fashions.<\/p>\n<p class=\"post\">Now when asked about the day of Jesus&#8217; Second Coming<br \/>\nlook at the handy calendar feature and confidently say &quot;I don&#8217;t<br \/>\nknow&quot;.<\/p>\n<p class=\"post\">Now when asked about the hour of Jesus&#8217; Second Coming<br \/>\nlook at your watch and precisely say &quot;I don&#8217;t know&quot;.<\/p>\n<p class=\"post\">Don&#8217;t be left behind, get this amazing watch now.<\/p>\n<p class=\"post\">No batteries required, never needs winding &#8211; always correct.<\/p>\n<p class=\"post\">Are you an astronaut and worry about relativistic time<br \/>\ndilation effects as you approach the speed of light? &#8211; No problem this<br \/>\nastonishing watch automatically compensates for it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"post\">Act now and we will include you in this special offer<br \/>\n&#8211; Automatically get information on the mass conversion of Jews to the<br \/>\nfaith sent to your text capable cell phone.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"post\">&#8220;But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. &#8211;Matt 24:36<\/p\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/02\/watch.png\" width=\"82\" height=\"452\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For those who never know what to say when asked about the Jesus&#8217; Second Coming now you can reliably know exactly what to say at any time. Confused by Hal&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8277","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8277"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8277\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8277"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8277"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8277"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}