1210 B.C. – This is Judas Arnett reporting to you from Ai for
\nthe Canaan News Network (CNN). The Canaanite war which the invading Israelites
\nhave unjustly
\nwaged on the inhabitants of this peace loving people is on its way to
\na sound defeat. Today here in Ai the men of this town have smote about thirty
\nsix of their invading
\nwarriors and chased them away.
\nWhat started as quick military success in Jericho has ended in a quagmire at
\nAi. There is questioning if Joshua son of Nun has the support of his people
\nand whether they will be there for the long run. Past opinion polls and focus
\ngroups
\nhave
\nshown the Israelites to be very fickle in following their leaders. It took
\nthem 40 years to stage this invasion,and even with all that time they were
\nunable to defeat the people of this small town of Ai.<\/p>\n
At home their has been growing peace protests against this ill
\nadvised war. Protesters have been carrying signs such as "No Blood for
\nMilk and Honey" and chanting "Hey hey! Ho ho!, Look what they did to Jericho". We still don’t know all of the disastrous environmental
\neffects of Joshua’s campaign. The stopping of the natural water flow at the
\nJordan
\nRiver has affected the migration paths of some fish. Chaldean astronomers have
\nforecasted that there will be global warming as a result of Joshua interference
\nwith the orbit of the sun and causing it to stand still. The protesters are also
\nquestioning the ban or scorched earth polices on conquered towns. They believe
\nin multiculturalism and that they can integrate peaceably with the people of
\nCanaan without falling into worship of their gods. The idea that they will
\nfall into
\nthe practices
\nof the natives they consider just an idol threat. It is also rumored that Joshua
\ncavorted with the infamous Rahab the harlot in carrying out this attack.<\/p>\n
The United Nations of Northern
\nKings are filing papers with the war crimes tribunal to charge Joshua with
\nwar crimes and human rights violations. The Ark of the Covenant which they
\nused
\nagainst Jericho is rumored to be highly radioactive since just touching it
\ncan kill
\nyou. The
\nIsraelites
\nare aware of this since they carefully carry it around using poles of acacia
\nwood to avoid coming in contact with it. The effects of this radioactive Ark
\nseem to intensify
\nwith everyone shouting at
\nonce after seven days of carrying it around. The collapsing of the walls
\nof Jericho crushed many innocent women and children and this weapon is in direct
\nviolation of the Genesis Conventions. The town is now so radioactive that even
\nafter they won this battle they refused to move into the town. Just because
\nhaving this weapon makes them a super power does not give them the
\nright to
\ngo around
\nbullying
\nother
\nnations and forcing them to worship their God.<\/p>\n
The Israelites have also foolishly entered into diplomatic relations 1210 B.C. – This is Judas Arnett reporting to you from Ai for the Canaan News Network (CNN). The Canaanite war which the invading Israelites have unjustly waged on the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8211","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parody"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8211","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8211"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8211\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8211"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8211"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8211"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nwith the Gibeonites, sworn enemies of the Kings of the North, again showing
\ntheir naive
\nand failed diplomacy. Becoming their ally will only lead to their defeat at
\nthe hands of the united Kings of the North. Their extended supply lines are
\nalso causing them trouble. There have been reports of soldiers on the front
\nline only having one MRE
\n(Manna Ready to Eat) a day. This war will end in disaster for the Israelites.
\n[Full
\nStory<\/a>]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"