{"id":7770,"date":"2003-10-05T19:00:00","date_gmt":"2003-10-06T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost:8888\/1969\/12\/31\/church-bulletin\/"},"modified":"2010-10-25T08:53:50","modified_gmt":"2010-10-25T12:53:50","slug":"church-bulletin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/2003\/10\/church-bulletin\/","title":{"rendered":"Church Bulletin"},"content":{"rendered":"

Michelle of And
\nThen?<\/a> in the post
\nbelow<\/a> on the combined Catholic\/Anglican Church recommended that I might
\nparody what their bulletin might look like. I decided to parody a fictional
\ncombined Catholic\/Anglican Church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
\"\"<\/div>\n<\/td>\n
\n
St. Thomas
\nMore & King Henry VIII<\/p>\n

Roman\/Anglo-Catholic Church<\/span><\/p>\n

At each others necks since the 1500s<\/p>\n

Established 2001<\/span><\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span>Fr. Joseph Maria Maria<\/p>\n

Fr. Luther Smyth Calvin<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n

\n
\"\"<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
Letter from the Pastors<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>We would like to take this opportunity to thank our combined
\ncongregations for the progress we have made in the last couple of years.
\nIt has now been two years since the response at the kiss of peace was “Die,
\nHeretic Die” and the ushers no longer have to wear a tie with their
\nriot gear. <\/strong>As we approach this years celebration of
\nReformation\/Counter-Reformation day I would ask you to refrain from some
\nthe actions that occurred last year. We did not look kindly at those
\nwho placed a copy Luther’s 95 theses under the windshield wipers of our
\nfellow Roman Catholics cars or those who placed detached Anne Boleyn
\ndoll heads on the antennas of our co-worshipers Anglican’s cars. We would
\nalso encourage people not to refer to the Immaculate Conception hall
\nas the Papist Patio or the Tynedale Room as the WASPs Nest. Additionally
\nthis years memorial of Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman is not to be
\nreferred to as traitors day. We would ask in the name of ecumenism that
\nwhoever keeps leaving the copies of Apostolicae
\nCurae<\/a> in the Anglican Rectory to kindly stop. It is not charitable
\nto keep saying that the Anglicans have invalid holy orders.<\/p>\n

In today’s sermon titled “That they may be Two” we will
\njointly preach from the Gospel of John, Jesus’ high priestly prayer.<\/p>\n

\n

Wednesday Night Bible Study<\/strong><\/p>\n

Register now to start our through the Bible Classes.<\/p>\n

Exploring the 73 books of the Bible –Immaculate Conception Hall.<\/p>\n

Exploring the 66 books of the Bible –Tynedale Room<\/p>\n

\n

Everything you wanted to now about Sacraments, but were afraid
\nto ask.<\/p>\n

<\/strong>These seven and two week series begin Tuesday at 7 pm<\/p>\n

The Seven Sacraments —<\/strong>Immaculate Conception Hall.<\/p>\n

The Two Sacraments of the Church –Tynedale Room<\/p>\n

\n

The Last Church Council<\/strong><\/p>\n

Come join us on Thursdays at eight for information on the documents of
\nthe last Church Council.<\/p>\n

Vatican II —<\/strong>Immaculate Conception Hall.<\/p>\n

Second Council of Nicea –Tynedale Room<\/p>\n

\n

Preach the Gospel<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sign up for our new door to door evangelization teams. We will canvas
\nthe neighborhood proclaiming the truth of why they should become Roman
\nCatholic or Anglicans. Since we have such a wide range of theological
\nproducts to offer we should have a successful evangelization rate.<\/p>\n

We start by knocking on the door and asking them if they are born again
\nand\/or baptized and proceed from there.<\/p>\n

\n

This Bulletin is made possible by the good folks at:
\n<\/strong>Catholic Answer and Chick Publications<\/p>\n

With the presentation of this bulletin you can get 10 percent off on
\n“Where
\nwe got the Bible: Our debt to the Catholic Church from Catholic Answers<\/a>” or “20th
\nCentury Holocaust Hitler’s Death Camps: Holocaust or Inquisition?<\/a>” from Chick Publications.<\/td>\n

This week’s Mass Intentions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Monday. Oct, 6<\/strong><\/p>\n

That Anglicans may convert to the true faith.<\/p>\n

Tuesday. Oct, 8<\/strong><\/p>\n

That Roman Catholics may convert to the true faith.<\/p>\n

Wednesday. Oct, 9<\/strong><\/p>\n

For the intentions of the Holy Father<\/p>\n

Thursday. Oct, 10<\/strong><\/p>\n

For the prayers of the Archbishop of Canterbury<\/p>\n

Friday. Oct, 11<\/strong><\/p>\n

Anglicans pray that Roman Catholics might have a translation as beautiful
\nas the 1662 English Book of Common Prayer.<\/p>\n

Saturday. Oct, 12<\/strong><\/p>\n

Catholics pray that we might have a translation as beautiful as the 1662
\nEnglish Book of Common Prayer.<\/p>\n

Sunday. Oct, 13<\/strong><\/p>\n

For the poor souls in Purgatory, that is if Purgatory exists.<\/p>\n

\n

The Truth about Contraception<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now on Fridays at six.<\/p>\n

Humana Vitae – Why Pope Paul VI was right.–Immaculate Conception Hall.<\/p>\n

Why the Anglican Lambeth Conference of 1930 was right. –Tynedale Room<\/p>\n

\n

Confession Confusion<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because of problems in the past of mistaken cross-confession we have painted
\nthe Roman Catholic Confessional red and the Anglican Confessional blue.<\/p>\n

Make sure you choose the correct confessional since what might be
\nconsidered a sin in one might not be in the other.<\/p>\n

\n

Homosexuality and the Church<\/strong><\/p>\n

To help stop the confusion these classes will begin Saturday night.<\/p>\n

A read through of the document “Considerations regarding proposals
\nto give legal recognition to unions between homosexual persons.\u201d —<\/strong>7
\npm @ Immaculate Conception Hall.<\/p>\n

Why homosexuality is always sinful –7 pm @ Tynedale Room<\/p>\n

Why homosexuality is never sinful –8 pm @ Tynedale Room<\/p>\n

Why homosexuality in committed relationships is not sinful –9 pm @ Tynedale
\nRoom<\/p>\n

\n

Movie Nights<\/p>\n

<\/strong>In the joint parish hall we will be showing movies each
\nFriday night at nine.<\/p>\n

Oct 10. Man for All Seasons<\/p>\n

Oct 17. Luther – The Movie<\/p>\n

Oct 24. The Song of Bernadette<\/p>\n

Oct 31. Reformation Day – A new film where Will Smith Fights off illegal
\naliens who are predominantly Catholic.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Michelle of And Then? in the post below on the combined Catholic\/Anglican Church recommended that I might parody what their bulletin might look like. I decided to parody a fictional…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7770","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parody"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7770","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7770"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7770\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10810,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7770\/revisions\/10810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7770"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7770"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7770"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}