{"id":7254,"date":"2004-04-11T19:00:00","date_gmt":"2004-04-12T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost:8888\/1969\/12\/31\/foot-washing-2000\/"},"modified":"2004-04-11T19:00:00","modified_gmt":"2004-04-12T00:00:00","slug":"foot-washing-2000","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/2004\/04\/foot-washing-2000\/","title":{"rendered":"Foot Washing 2000"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n
\n

Hot
\non the heals of the success of the Facial Recognition Paten 2000<\/a>, Curt
\nJester Laboratories introduces the new Foot Washing 2000 with patented
\nDNA detection technology. With the problem of parishes washing the feet
\nof women in direct violation of the rubrics for Holy Thursday a sure fire
\nmethod was required that looked beyond just external appearances.<\/p>\n

When the foot of the person who is having their foot washed comes into
\ncontact with the special transducive water in the bowl, through capillary
\naction their DNA is instantly tested. If a male is detected the LED displays
\nXY VIR and the indicator light shines brightly green.
\nIf a female is detected the display shows XX and the indicator light
\nflashes red. If a foot that has been detected as not liturgically compatible
\nis not removed within 30 seconds a mild electrical
\ncurrent is discharged into the bowl.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The Foot Washing 2000 maintains an electronic log that automatically
\nregisters its use during Maundy Thursday. The entries are timestamped
\nand the detected sex is registered. Bishops can easily determine through
\nthe provided easy to use Wash Perfect software what parishes used or failed to
\nuse this approved device.<\/p>\n

This device has been tested formally by the Vatican and meets with all
\nrequirements of the SUL (Sacramentary Underwriting Laboratory)<\/p>\n

"The men who have been chosen are led by the ministers to chairs
\nprepared in a suitable place. Then the priest … goes to each man. With
\nthe help of ministers, he pours water over each one’s feet and dries
\nthem" (Sacramentary, p. 136).<\/p>\n

This device has been condemned by all American liturgists so you know
\nthat it truly works.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

The Old Oligarch has an excellent post<\/a> on the theological meaning of “The Washing of the Feet”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hot on the heals of the success of the Facial Recognition Paten 2000, Curt Jester Laboratories introduces the new Foot Washing 2000 with patented DNA detection technology. With the problem…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parody"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7254"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7254\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.splendoroftruth.com\/curtjester\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}