Recently in Song Parody Category

Dr. Paul Camarata of the SaintCast podcast has outdid himself in the 100th episode of the SaintCast.

Part Pirates of Penzance with what I think of as a touch of Groucho Marx.

Here is a picture of me with Dr. Paul Camarata taken by Fr. Bill Kessler (the Technopriest). Dr. Paul is the left. This was taken at the Catholic New Media Celebration where I was on a blogging panel with Amy Welborn and Mark Shea that was moderated by Lisa Hendley.

Nick Alexander in reference to my song parody Samaritan Women wrote me with another telling of the story with a first draft of the lyrics.

Okay... this is a parody of "Somebody Told Me" from The Killers (which came out about a year or two ago). It's told from the Samaritan Woman's point of view, as she heads into the city, telling others what had just happened. Enjoy.

That's When He Told Me (parody of Somebody Told Me by The Killers)

I just came back--got a tale to tell
I just came back from the Samar'tan township well...
I'm not on crack, got nothing to sell
There at that place, I had seen this dude
Looked at His face, saw that He was a Jew...

Did He not know what was plain in view
That I couldn't talk with that man, a Jew...
" Give me a drink, give me a drink" he cried.
I looked at him and wondered "Who's this guy?"

That's when he told me
That I had five husbands
--the guy that I lived with
was not real-ly my husband. Hey, look there
You pray on that mountain
You should have a fountain...

What He had said, made me want to run
Where did he get the skinny on what I had done?
As you can guess, it was just no fun.
I had tried to steer the subject far from this.
So I pointed out that he had nothing to draw with...

But as I tried to steer the gabbing far from this.
Whatever I had lobbed at Him, He would hit
Could this be Christ, could this be Christ--the proooof?
Time that I worship in Spirit and in Truth...

That's when he told me
That I had five husbands
--the guy that I lived with
was not real-ly my husband. Hey, look there
You pray on that mountain
You should have a fountain
that's welling up, welling up...

He said "I am He,
Messi-ah, who's coming."
And He's still at the well right now
O how you oughta know this guy...


[x3]
Coz that's what he told me
That I had five husbands
--the guy that I lived with
was not real-ly my husband. Hey, look there
You pray on that mountain
You should have a fountain
that's welling up, welling up ...
insi-i-ide.

YouTube version with The Killers here.

Well I must say Nick that I am in awe of your ability and would love to see this on a future CD of yours.

Nick asked me to plug the Top Catholic Songs website where you can listen to, vote, and download Catholic music.

For those who don't know who Nick Alexander is, he is described as the Catholic "Weird Al" and I would agree with that definition. As a long time Dr. Demento fan who heard 'Weird Al'' Yankovic on Dr. Demento's show when he sent him a tape as a teenager I would say Nick Alexander is equally talented.

You can listen to/download his music here.

Because of he Gospel reading today and since it has been a while since I have done a song parody - here is one based on the classic Guess Who song.

Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman, she gonna give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Say S,
Say A,
Say M,
Say A,
Say R,
A,
Say T,
A,
N,
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink
Samaritan woman give me a drink

Samaritan woman, you want living water
Samaritan woman, this you would prefer
Please come hangin’ around the well
and give me a drink that would be swell
If you drink this water you will thirst again
I got living water swelling up in my reign
Now woman, I said come and pray,
Samaritan woman, listen what I say.

Samaritan woman, call your husband here
Samaritan woman, your right no hubby there
Yeah your perceivin' I'm a prophet
I tell you I who speak to you am he
So the woman left the water jar
and said "Can this be Christ" and walked afar
Prophetic insights can hypnotize
especially in an incarnational guise
Now woman, I said get some water
Samaritan woman, listen what I say.

Samaritan woman, said get me water
Samaritan woman, listen what I say
Don’t come hangin’ around the well
Time for you to preach the Gospel
I don’t need your jar routines
You worship what you have not seen
Prophetic insights can hypnotize
especially in an incarnational guise
Now woman, get water for me
Samaritan woman, my mama is Mary

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
To Gal Gal Galilee
Gonna leave you, woman
Gonna leave you, woman
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
My food is to do the will of him
I’m so good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna assend
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna assend
You know I’m gonna go, woman
I’m gonna leave, woman
Goodbye, Samaritan woman

Now in reality I really wish that Nick Alexander would do a parody along these lines and he could come up with much better lyrics.

Imagine there's no Religion
Something I would ban
Those hateful lemmings
homophobia plan
Imagine fall the steeple
Tolerance today

Ban organized religion
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
Ignore Stalin's debut
Imagine all the people
Living selfishly

You may say that I'm a schemer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday we'll ban you
And the world will be as one

Imagine no restrictions
I wonder if you can
No need Commandments
Utopia for a gay man
Imagine all the believers
Closeted religion world

You may say that I'm a schemer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday we'll ban you
And the world will be as one

Another great song parody by treefrog at Thumos. This one is called My Congregation and is based on a classic song by The Who. Now I happen to be a Who fan (Quadrophenia being one of my all time favorite recordings) and so I decided to reply in kind with my own song parody.

Won't get fooled again

We'll be populating the streets
With many children at our feet
And with morals they will worship and be drawn
And the priests who spurred us on
Open to life, we are strong
World-wide culture of life is our song

I'll tip my hat to the Dogmatic Constitution
Translated in Latin as Lumen Gentium
People of God change the world all around
Pick up my Rosary and pray
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again

The change, it had to come
Vatican II wasn't wrong
It was misrepresented all told, that's all
And the Church is just the same
And teachings can't be changed
'Cause the Spirit, protects it from Hell's door

I'll tip my hat to the Dogmatic Constitution
Translated in Latin as Lumen Gentium
People of God change the world all around
Pick up my Rosary and pray
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
No, no!

I'll move myself and my family aside
Culture of death don't want us alive
I'll will meditate and Christ not deny
Though I know that the catechized never lie
Do ya?

There's no zing in deceit
Heresy not any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And Progressives on the left
Are now Rad Trads on the right
And dissent from both sides just ain't right

I'll tip my hat to the Dogmatic Constitution
Translated in Latin as Lumen Gentium
People of God change the world all around
Pick up my Rosary and pray
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
No, no!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Meet the new dross
Same as the dross

The Three Wise Men who brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to the infant Jesus may not have been particularly wise and could have been women, the Church of England has ruled.

A committee revising new short prayers, or "collects", for the Church's latest prayer book, Common Worship, said the term "magi" was a transliteration of the name of officials at the Persian court and the possibility that they were female could not be dismissed.

The General Synod approved the new prayers yesterday at the opening of its week-long meeting in London but some members privately complained that the Church was becoming obsessed with politically correct language.
[Full Story]

What if one of the three wise personages was a women. Well you know how long it takes some women to get ready to go out, especially for a really long trip. I can easily imagine the other wise men getting frustrated waiting around for her to get ready. So here is a parody based on Rod Stewart's Maggie May.

Wake up magi I think I got something to say to you
It's late December and we should follow the star this yule
This walking can't be excused and seeking wisdom not refused
Oh magi we really need to leave by four
To tour far away from home to a manger we all were shown
We must now depart and it's time to hit the dirt

The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age
But stop putting on makeup we need to find the new born king
We'll see King Herod along the way, you know he will ask us to stay
Oh magi we really need to leave by four
You need to get away from home, to find the one that will atone
He'll save our soul and that is what it is all about

We must leave now to walk across the burning sand
But we need to discover what a lover God is and to him we shout
Please get up now from the bed
And in the morning we all must fled
Oh magi we really need to get out the door
You need to get away from home, to find the one that will atone
He'll save our soul and that is what it is all about

The road is waiting and it is time to find the king that will rule
We need to follow that star in the sky shining like a diamond jewel
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh we must pass to the divine hand
Oh magi it is time to really set the pace
We must honor the child of Mary from Galilee
The baby in swaddling clothes we all must see
We need to get going because it is far away

Relatedly, in December of 2002 a Church of England bishop said that Jesus' family were asylum seekers and the three Wise Men were part of an assassination plot.
[Full Story]

At that time I had posted:

Did Herod the Great contract out a hit to three foreigners for plausible deniability? How did this assassination go awry? Did King herod say "Go and murder him" and they thought he said "Gold and myrrh to him"?, frankly that makes sense.

This is from a presentation given at the OSU Newman Foundation by George Dennis O'Brien.

O'Brien believes that by knowing what came before the university system there can be a better understanding of where religion fits into the system.

"Before universities there were monastic schools," O'Brien said, "Benedictine monks spent time learning the work of God, which entailed reading scripture."

O'Brien concluded his presentation by comparing the faith of the Benedictine monks to the once popular music group Nirvana.

Neither the monks nor rock music are easily understood, their words become a mystery, O'Brien said.
[Full Story]

And I thought I made strange comparisons on my blog. But since he started it, what would have happened if Curt Cobain had found Benedictine spirituality instead of the dead end of drugs. So here is a song parody based on Nirvana's "All Apologies"

In Monastery

Where else should I be
In Monastery
What else should I say
Everyone should pray
What else could I write
Jesus is the light
Where else should I be
In Monastery

In the Son
In the Son I feel as one
In the Son
In the Son
Contemplative
Active

Work and Pray today
ora et labora
We must be the salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Benedictine shame
Benedict and Scholastica
Brother and Sister in Awe

Dust from dust is all we are
(repeat and fade)

Here is another Nirvana parody I did a year ago called "Smells like Vatican II Spirit"

John Gibson of Expagan Blog has a blogger theme song, sung to raw hide.

You probably already have seen it through the link on Mark Shea's site but I really enjoyed this song parody.

So I have added him to my blogroll and favorites, and you might want to also.

Every once in awhile you see an article or a post directly correlating the effects after Vatican II to Vatican II itself. Though they seldom show how the documents themselves did this.

Jones believes, as do many Catholics, that the Second Vatican Council and the implementation of various reforms immediately following that Council are directly responsible. “No reasonable person looking at the evidence could come to any other conclusion. The beginning of the declines in all categories commences after the Council, and it’s been all down hill since. Yes, I believe there is a positive correlation.” Yet in spite of the post-Council wreckage, church leaders continue to insist that the Second Council was a smashing success, and the reforms should continue, in spite of the results. The disconnect between the causes and effects of the decline was the motivation for writing the book, which Jones hopes will help Catholics distinguish between the myths and realities of Vatican II.

I wouldn't exactly call people like Cardinal Ratzinger's comments on the post Vatican reform implementation in the class of "a smashing success" and who calls for a reform of the reform. While I have much sympathy with those who are not exactly happy with the direction of the liturgy and church architecture in the last decades, just blaming Vatican II does nothing.

Intellectually I can think about how some of the more stark modern architecture and the loss of part of the outward beauty in the Mass, especially in the music used, in some ways reflect on the incarnation as viewed by those at the time of Christ. The second person of the Holy Trinity was fully before them and they only saw his outward appearance. Jesus was fully with them as both God and man in the wondrous mystery of the Incarnation, but the outward appearance of his humanity made seeing that more difficult. In the Sacrifice of the Mass Jesus is more fully with us in this sacramental presence and no matter what the beauty of the Church an Liturgy are they pale compared to this. So even in a more austere church the reality of his presence is there.

Now I am in no way advocating that we do not reform the liturgy and the architecture used. Even though I can intellectually understand this concept, I still have difficulties praying in a more desolate church than one with a more traditional style. Some can meditate on abstract church art and grow in the spiritual life. Some are like the Desert Fathers who can grow more deeply in love with God in a environment that physically seems to be devoid of him. The majority of us, and this is not just an editorial us, need liturgical training wheels to help us concentrate on the unseen reality and to worship and adore God. Since we are both body and soul we must maintain the proper balance or we lapse into just spiritualism or materialism.

Here is a song parody based on Sir Paul McCartney's most published and recorded song.

Yesterday (Lamentations of a Rad Trad)

Yesterday
I use to love the Latin liturgy
Now it looks like liturgists are here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly
We used to have only fifteen mysteries
Can't rely even on the Rosary
Oh yesterday came suddenly

Why it had to go I don`t know
it is hard to pray
No more plain song
Now I long for yesterday

Yesterday
Drum kits and not organs now they play
And the tabernacle they hide away
Oh I believe in yesterday

Now Mass puppet shows.......

Yesterday
Vatican II just gives me dismay
The whole Church has just gone astray
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm............

Here is a little ditty sung to Stevie Wonder's and Sir Paul McCartneys "Ebony and Ivory"

We All Know
The government in the bedroom can't go
That Texas law, culture just says no
We need no reheasal,
To make a sweeping revesal
Slumping towards Gommorah we have arrived.

Sodomy and Privacy
Live Together In Perfect Harmony
Side By Side this 6-3 decree
Oh SCOTUS set us free
(Sodomy, Privacy Living In Perfect Harmony)
(Sodomy, Privacy)

We All Know
That the court used privacy just like Roe
Constitution not required just from cloth whole,
Just what is this stench
Legislating from the bench
State rights is a dream long expired

Sodomy and Privacy
Live Together In Perfect Harmony
Side By Side in jurisprudence lingo
Oh SCOTUS set us free
Slippery slope decree
Side By Side in jurisprudence lingo
Slippery slope decree

(Sodomy, Privacy Living In Perfect Harmony)
(Sodomy, Privacy Living In Perfect Harmony)
(Sodomy, Privacy Living In Perfect Harmony)
(Sodomy, Privacy Living In Perfect Harmony)
(Sodomy, Privacy Living In Perfect Harmony)

Victor Lams posts about infiltrating the liturgical complex by writing outlandishly heretical hymns that will be snapped up by music publishers and then slowly trying to introduce real music. He has some very funny possible hymn titles of which I have put the words to one of them:

I Am The Resurrection Muffin

For the poor, the sad the downtrodden
Look to me the Resurrection Muffin
No half-baked theology for you or me
I am fully cooked plainly you can see

Chorus:
Repent deeply of all your sins
Look deeply upon the Resurrection Muffin
Your salvation now has truly began
available in Banana Nut or Healthy Oat Bran

Diversity in liturgy is no problem for me
Yummy Chocolate Chip and also Blueberry
I am the true paschal pastry
Eat of me and you will be set free

Chorus:

All the best liturgists fully approve of me
Chocked full of nuts like their liturgies
Pop me right out of that muffin tin
Enjoy the life of the muffin within

Chorus:

And here is another offering sung to Here I am Lord, and if you don't know the music that goes along with it - then count your blessings.

Here I am, Bored

Masses with guitar licks.
Heretical insipid fare.
Let me listen to you.
Fill me with despair.

Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

This song is everlasting.
Pop music of I tire.
A total tonal bleakness.
Couldn't you all just retire?

Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

Lyrics that are just plain dumb.
Hear my cry for help.
Hear me using these three words,
Gregorian Chant Now!
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

Sung to Country Joe and the Fish's "I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-to-Die Rag" as done at Woodstock

Gimme an "F"! (F!)
Gimme a "U"! (U!)
Gimme an "E"! (E!)
Gimme an "L"! (L!)
whats that spell? (FUEL!)
whats that spell? (FUEL!)
whats that spell? (FUEL!)
whats that spell? (FUEL!)

Pour your Starbucks coffee down the drain,
Uncle Sam is in Iraq again.
It's all about the oil flow,
Were just anarchists with no place to go.
So put down your books and pick up a sign,
Shouting and chanting to us is just fine.

And it's one, two, three,
What are we protesting for?
Don't ask me, I don't have a clue,
Next stop is a city near you;
And it's five, six, seven,
Open up the city gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we hold our signs up high.

Well, come on slackers, let's move fast;
Your big chance has come at last.
Gotta go out and wear hippie threads
Bush and Cheney we all dread
Don' ask us why we didn't protest Clinton,
Just bashing Bush is much more fun.

And it's one, two, three,
What are we protesting for?
Don't ask me, I don't have a clue,
Next stop is a city near you;
And it's five, six, seven,
Open up the city gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we hold our signs up high.

Huh!

Well, come on Berkeley, don't move slow,
Why man, there's a march au-go-go.
We hate those soldiers about to invade
But we praise the one who tossed that grenade
We use every persuasive and intelligent argument
Like staging a Die-in laying on the pavement.

And it's one, two, three,
What are we protesting for?
Don't ask me, I don't have a clue,
Next stop is a city near you;
And it's five, six, seven,
Open up the city gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we hold our signs up high.

Well, come on mothers it's about oil you see,
Drive them to the march in your SUV
Come on fathers, don't hesitate,
Bush and Hitler go ahead and equate
Spreading peace by the traffic we block
Another mindless sheep in the flock

And it's one, two, three,
What are we protesting for?
Don't ask me, I don't have a clue,
Next stop is a city near you;
And it's five, six, seven,
Open up the city gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we hold our signs up high.

Yellow ribbons and all other war memorials have been banned from public property here, a decision that has drawn criticism from residents and business owners who want to show their support for American troops fighting in Iraq.

..."Where would you draw a line if you started allowing the use of public property to exhibit whatever cause anyone wanted?" Tyler told The Trentonian of Trenton for Friday's editions. "Suppose someone wants to tie pink ribbons, or black flags, or a Confederate flag or a Nazi flag on public property?"
[Full Story]

Sung to "Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree"

Support the troops in Fieldsboro, New Jersey
Just not on any city property
Soldiers are there to keep us free
To protect city council's inanities
No limit to their stupidity
Alive in New Jersey
Governmental PC

Oh don't tie a yellow ribbon
'Round a city oak tree
Maybe on private property
Not in the City
If It see a yellow ribbon
'Round a city oak tree
I'll load you on a bus, forget about the fuss
Put the cuffs on you
If I see a yellow ribbon
'Round a city oak tree

HELENA – Four members of the Montana House changed their minds and their votes Thursday on a bill that would have required doctors to offer women anesthesia for their fetuses if they’re aborted 16 or more weeks into pregnancy.

House Bill 460, sponsored by Rep. Penny Morgan, R-Billings, failed 46-51 after passing the day before in a 52-47 preliminary vote.

Three Democrats and a Republican changed their voters from “aye” to “nay” to kill the measure Thursday. The bill is now dead and will not go to the Senate.

Rep. Joey Jayne, D-Arlee, was one of the lawmakers who changed her vote.

“I am concerned about fetal pain,” Jayne said in an interview after the vote. “But I wasn’t convinced the procedure is scientifically or medically based.”

Fetuses that are aborted in Montana are not usually anesthetized and Jayne said she didn’t want to require doctors to perform a procedure that is still experimental.
[Full Story]

We wouldn't want to perform "experimental" procedures on a unborn child before chopping them up into pieces. That wouldn't be ethical and there might be side effects. Rep. Joey Jayne also voted to revise the penalty for cruelty to animals and to abolish the death penalty.

From the culture of death song book, sung to "Jane Says" from Jane's Addiction

Jayne says
I'm done being rational
Don't care about pain fetal
She hides
The Constitution
Says "I don't owe them nothing,
But if the bill comes back again
Tell them abortion I'll still vote for
Try again tomorrow"
"I'm gonna kill tomorrow..."
"I'm gonna kill tomorrow..."
Jayne says
"Have you seen my morals around?
I feel pro-choice without it"
She knows
They all want her to vote
But that's OK man
She votes with them anyway
Jayne says
"I really don't have to explain
and maybe they might feel pain
I'm gonna vote tomorrow"
"I'm gonna kill tomorrow..."
"I'm gonna kill tomorrow..."
She gets money
From NARAL and PP
Can't experiment on a baby!
She don't mean no harm
She just don't know...
What else to do about it
Jayne goes
To the house floor at eight
She talks about scientific based
She waits
It just wouldn't be fair
Anesthetic prepare
without care
Jayne says...
Jayne says...

George Michael has announced that he will record an anti-war song to demonstrate his feelings about a potential war with Iraq.
[Full Story]

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Iraq, in a new move to head off Washington's threat of military action to make it disarm, holds talks on Sunday with U.N. weapons inspectors on VX and anthrax stocks it says it has destroyed.
[Full Story]

I Want your VX
(Sung to George Michael's - I want your sex)

There's things that you guess
And things that you know
There's dictators that you can trust
And unelected rulers that you don't
There's the little weapons we hide
And lying documents that we show
Sometimes we think were gonna get away
But you know the UN inspections is just bull

I swear I won't tease you
Won't tell you no lies
I don't got no WMDs
Just look in my murdering eyes
I've waited so long baby
Now that we're friends
Every man's got his patience
And the UNs never ends

I want your VX
I want you
I want your.....VX

It's playing on my mind
It's dancing on my soul
It's taken so much time
So why don't you just let me go
I'd really like to try
Oh, I'd really love to know
How many resolutions will pass by
Then I talk to Dan Rather and softballs he throws

I swear I won't tease you
Won't tell you no lies
I don't need no WMDs
Just look in my murdering eyes
I've waited so long Al-qaida
Out in the cold
I can't take much more US
I'm losing control

I want your VX
I want your anthrax
I want your.....VX

It's natural (from sheep)
It's chemical (let's hide it)
It's biological
Genocidal (can we do it?)
It's diabolical
But most of all.....
VX is something that we should do
VX is something for me and you

VX is natural - VX is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
VX is natural - VX is fun
VX is best when it's....one on one
one on one

I'm not your imam
I'm not your sheik
Talk to your mullah
I am sick of

C-c-c-c-come on

What's your definition of WMD baby
What do you consider material breach?
Don't you know I'll launch till it hurts you baby
Don't you think it's time you had VX with me

What's your definition of WMD baby
What do you consider material breach?
Don't you know I'll launch till it hurts you baby
Don't you think it's time you had VX with me

VX with me
VX with me
Have VX with me

C-c-c-c-come on.

An affirmative action bake sale organized by the Bruin Republicans last week has provoked impassioned responses from a top California Democrat and political student groups on campus.

The sale, held on Bruin Walk on Feb. 3, offered cookies at different prices depending on the customer's race and gender. Black, Latina and American Indian females were charged 25 cents for cookies that cost males of minority descent 50 cents. White females were charged $1, and white males and all Asian Americans were charged $2.

Students selling the cookies were assigned name tags portraying them as "Uncle Tom," "The White Oppressor" and "Self-Hating Hispanic Race Traitor."

Chairman of the California Democratic Party Art Torres voiced his disapproval in a Monday press release.

"I am deeply saddened and disheartened at the activities of the Bruin Republicans," he said.
[Full Story]

Nothing like good satire to demonstrate the silliness of Democratic Party policies. They should have been applauding this bake sale since it so parallels their own policies. Why aren't they saddened and disheartened at the unequal treatment they display with regard to sex and race?

I do have one suggestion for the Bruin Republicans. They should have added a tax to the cookies based on the income of the person buying the cookie. After all those that can afford to pay higher taxes for cookies should subsidize those who are less fortunate in their economic circumstances in this current down turn of cookie buying. This has been the worst cookie buying economy in fifty years.

A heated debate over Russia's first tsar, Ivan the Terrible, and the lecherous mystical healer Grigory Rasputin, who compromised the monarchy in its waning years, is threatening to create a split in the Russian Orthodox Church.

At issue is a campaign to canonize the two men that is rooted in a widely embraced belief that the monarchy fell victim to a plot masterminded by Jews and Freemasons.

Last week, a group of theologians, church historians and official Orthodox journalists de facto proclaimed what has long been discussed privately in church circles -- that the campaign is being carried out by a sect that is undermining the Russian Orthodox Church from within. [Full Story which include an icon of Rasputin]

I know this story is about a week or two old but this song has been in the back of my head.

Rasputin (Sung to Roxanne by the Police)

Rasputin
Your face on an icon would be a blight
Said to be a lover
Did you seduce the Empress one night?

Rasputin
You don't have to chase that dress tonight
Walk the streets for a honey
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right

Rasputin
Your face on an icon would be a blight

We tried many times to kill you
Feed poisoned cakes and wine to you
And asked you just how you feel
Shot you point blank with a gun
But still you had got up
To stop your licentious make up
Bludgeoned and put in a lake with a chain
Put you in a bad way

Rasputin
Your face on an icon would be a blight

Rasputin
Your face on an icon would be a blight

Disgruntled Catholics have come a step closer to washing off holy water they were baptized in as tiny children. Upon request, priests in Italy must note alongside baptism information the will of adults to leave the Roman Catholic Church. Bowing to pressure from lobby groups who call the act 'unchristening,' the Italian Bishops Conference (CEI) recently outlined the procedure.

Both sides disagree on the scope of the phenomenon -- one activist group claims 10,000 people have presented unchristening requests; the Church says it is trying to do right by a 'few dozen' people who wish not to be counted as Catholics.

Statistics, however, show a large number of slumbering or disinterested members of the country's predominant religion -- although 98% of Italians are baptized, only 36% attend mass regularly and over 14% never attend at all, according to 1999 data from Italian National Statistical Institute (ISTAT). Baptism records are used for Church statistics and influence whether last rites and religious funerals are administered.

Cardinal Camillo Ruini, CEI president, made it clear that the Church considers the issue an entirely bureaucratic one. "You can't cancel a sacrament any more than you can cancel the act of being born," he told newspapers.

...Bureaucratic or not, the policy change is a David-versus-Goliath type victory for small but persistent groups like the Italian Union of Rationalist Atheists and Agnostics (UAAR) that has been campaigning for unchristening since 1995. At first, they made little headway with parish priests who refused requests to modify or cancel baptism records.
[Full Story]

If you don't believe in God why in the world would you spend time campaigning for unchristening? If if was a nonexistent superstition and nothing else, then why bother? If your an atheist and believe that your earthly time is all that you have why spend it in a bureaucratic battle with what your think are non-rational people?

People who reverted back to paganism in the 4th century had their own rite. Julian the Apostate to try to wash away the waters of baptism, washed himself in a bath of bull's blood.

(Sung to Tradition from Fiddler on the Roof)

All: Abortion Abortion,Abortion (repeat)
Candidates: who day and night ignore their misgivings,
Appease NARAL and NOW
And Emily's List appear
Proclaiming woman's right to have no children in the house
to kill them while in the womb.
All: The candidates the candidates, Abortion (repeat)

Non Mamas: Who must know the way to make a proper home
A quiet home, a childless home?
Who must make sure nothing gets in the way
So we are free to ignore the holy book?
All: The non mamas the non mamas Abortion (repeat)

Predatory males: At thirteen I started having sex
am thankful for contraception
Without the backup of abortion
I couldn't have kept my fortune
All: Predatory males the Predatory males Abortion (repeat)

Media: And who must hide the facts and only mention choice
Preparing the lawmakers to silence the child's voice
All: The media the media Abortion (repeat)

Pacific Rim Bureau (CNSNews.com) - Rural health care workers in the Philippines reportedly are using contraceptives in ways never anticipated by donor agencies.

The country's health secretary, Manuel Dayrit, was quoted this week as saying that contraceptive pills are being used to fertilize plantations of orchids, while condoms have found a new role as party balloons.

Dayrit attributed the novel uses for the items to the fact that the supply is so abundant, the pills and condoms aren't needed.

But in the mostly Roman Catholic Philippines, birth control acceptance levels are also relatively low. The church opposes artificial birth control methods.

According to official figures cited late last year, only 3.7 million Filipinos -- or about one-tenth of the sexually-active population -- use contraceptives. Of those, 43 percent take the pill and just under 10 percent use condoms. [Full Story]

I once read a story about the introduction of contraceptives into Africa. They demonstrated condom usage via a stick and showed the women how to use birth control pills. When they came back some time later they found that pregnancies hadn't decreased and on further investigation found that the men took the pills instead of the women and that they stuck condoms on sticks and placed them by their beds.

It's amazing what can happen in a country where the Church actually teaches about contraception instead of dissenting. My wife is Filipina and so I can attest to the fact that they have a very Catholic culture there (she probably prayed as much for men as St. Augustine's mother did for him). When the Pope visited the Philippines in 1995, four million people attended a Mass in Manila making it the largest crowd in history.

She might have wrote:

You walked into Jerusalem
Like your lies would never be caught
Your phylacteries broad with your fringed hems
Your robe it was apricot
You knew you were God's chosen
But were acting worse than Lot
As you called for God now and then
Israel is God's vineyard you were taught

You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

The prophets came many years ago
With guile you tried to deceive
Well you said, onto the Lord you swear
And that you would never leave
But to idols you worshiped like God above
And soon you would forget me
When Elijah prayed came clouds from the sea
Clouds from the sea, and

You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

When Elijah prayed came clouds from the sea
Clouds from the sea, and

You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Well, I hear you went up to the temple
And you tithe mint and dill and cummin
Then you flew into a rage at the people
But you didn't even notice God's Son
Well, you're a brood of vipers all the time
And when you plot, you're with
Some Sad'ducees or cause strife with the zealots
strife with the zealots, and

You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
You're so vine
You probably think this psalm is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Pete Vere of Catholic Light/Envoy Encore has started a new contest:

Listening to the debate over Church music during the ChristMass holydays, I got an idea for a contest! Basically, write a parody about liturgists to the lyrics and tune of that most insipid of modern Christmas carols, Gramma Got Run Over by Reindeer.

An invitation that I couldn't resist, so here goes.

Liturgists have stopped the priests reign, dear
They let them still say Mass on Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as rubrics,
But as for me and James Akin, we believe.

She'd been reading too much NC Reporter
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she said forget meditation,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the Mass.
"Gather Us In" had knocked her dead
And incriminatin' blood flowed from her ears

Liturgists have stopped the priests reign, dear
They let them still say Mass on Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as rubrics,
But as for me and James Akin, we believe.

Now we're all so proud of Father,
He's been takin' this so well.
Seen him stopped watching Dan Rather,
And told all the liturgists to go to ...

It's now Christmas with decent singing
The Mass is no longer out of whack
And the songs are no longer cringing
Respect for the Lord in the Eucharist is back

Liturgists have stopped the priests reign, dear
They let them still say Mass on Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as rubrics,
But as for me and James Akin, we believe.

Now the tabernacle is back behind the altar
And they brought back the crucifix.
And the priest now prays his Psalter,
No more of the liturgist's bag of tricks

I've warned all my faith community.
Better watch out for yourselves.
They should never give a degree,
To someone who sings or hums to OCP.

Liturgists have stopped the priests reign, dear
They let them still say Mass on Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as rubrics,
But as for me and James Akin, we believe.

By Bob Sedevacantist

Just take those old missels off the shelf
I'll sit and pray to 'em by myself
Today's music and me don't agree
I like that old time Lit-ur-gy
Don't try to take me to pentecostal
It is all to me just such a bore
In ten minutes I'll be late for the door
I like that old time Lit-ur-gy

Still like that old time Lit-ur-gy
That kind of Mass just soothes the soul
I reminisce, before OCP chicanery
With that old time Lit-ur-gy
Won't go to hear music that has no heart
I'd rather hear some chant or Wolfgang Mozart
There's only sure way to get me to see
Start praying old time Lit-ur-gy
One with a relic, and don't ask me to chill
Say I'm traditional, say I'm over the hill
Today' Mass your not down on your knees
I like that old time Lit-ur-gy

Still like that old time Lit-ur-gy
That kind of Mass just soothes the soul
I reminisce, before OCP chicanery
With that old time Lit-ur-gy

This is sung to Led Zeppelin's D'YER MAK'ER
Creation Mak'er
O O O O O O
In Advent we go O O O O O
Come let us all go O O O O O
Baby Jesus please don't go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay
O Wisdom, O holy Word of God O O O O O
O Flower of Jesse’s stem em em em em em
Baby Jesus please don't go.
CHORUS
When I read the antiphons you wrote
it made me glad glad glad
Angels announced the good news to men
In swaddling clothes you were clad clad clad.
But I still adore you so
I can't let you go
I love you- O baby Jesus I love you.
O O O O O O
O Key of David O O O O O
O Radiant Dawn, O O O O O
O King of all the nations, O O O O O
O Emmanuel, O O O O O
Baby Jesus please don't go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay
You gave salvation to my soul ay ay ay ay ay
You gave salvation to my soul ay ay ay ay ay
Savior please don't go.
CHORUS
O O O O O O
In Advent we go O O O O O
Come let us all go O O O O O
(Baby Jesus please don't go)

I expect to be regaled in the coming days with news stories featuring prominent dissenters taking credit for forcing out Cardinal Law and making it seem as if everything is on the table again. I saw on CNN earlier today a statement something like, “With the ouster of Cardinal Law, many of those who called for his resignation say the Church will now have to deal with matters it didn’t want to, such as ordination of women, blah, blah, blah.” I’m sorry, but the Church has dealt with them already. It’s the heterodox who can’t deal with the Church’s answer.
[Domenico Bettinelli's Full Post]

O Come, Voice of the Faithful

O Come, Voice of the Faithful,
Boastful and defiant,
O come ye dissidents to Boston, Mass
Come now and scold him
Scorn the resigned Cardinal

O come, let us exploit it,
O come, let us exploit it,
O come, let us exploit it,
the situation

Sing, litigation,
All ye choirs of attorneys;
O sing, lay investiture that old heresy
Glory to the Globe-
For their many stories!

O come, let us exploit it,
O come, let us exploit it,
O come, let us exploit it,
the situation

Attacking celibacy
We give you this warning
Married or priestesses is our solution,
Begone now father
Schisms fresh appearing

O come, let us exploit it,
O come, let us exploit it,
O come, let us exploit it,
the situation

Last night I saw a commercial for a birth control patch called Ortho Evra. The first one I saw was of a white woman extolling the convenience of a once a week patch and displaying the positions it could be attached. They didn't demonstrate the upper arm position but just the area around the panties and buttocks. A little later an almost identical commercial but this time with an African-American women displayed. I guess if I would have stayed up long enough they would have gotten around to all the other races, after all they are an equal opportunity culture destroyer. Time Magazine has called this the coolest product of the year, I call it the cruelest. Just what we don't need, a product that makes child rejection even easier and the ability to dull our consciences to oblivion.

The following is sung to Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in Wall Pt. 2" (midi)

Another quick sex-u-al

We don't need no procreation
We just need our birth control
No catechism in the classroom
Preachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Preachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another quick sex-u-al
All in all you're just another quick sex-u-al

[Group of children join in]
We don't need no procreation
We just need our birth control
No catechism in the classroom
Preachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Preachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another quick sex-u-al
All in all you're just another quick sex-u-al

[guitar solo]

[Heavily accented British voice]
"So long, Do it again!"

"If you don't contracept, you can't have any pleasing. How can you
have any pleasing if you don't contracept?"
"You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds, contracept gladly!"

We preach the theology of John Darby
A lawyer from the late nineteenth century

Dogmatically defined in the Scofield Bible
Footnotes trumped text in the Gospel

Isolating the text from Thessalonian four
Mark 13, Matthews 24, & 2 Thes just ignore

The Pope be the ho of Babylon
Some punk bust a cap in him at the Vatican

Making up a title is from our bag of trixs
So we can assign to him six six six

Catholic bashing throughout all our books
Just don't give our theology a closer look

Da prose is bad and not well done
Compares to the acting of Kirk Cameron

In fact the style of Jerry Jenkins
To be blunt is absolutely stinkin

Pre mill, post mill, we made a mill
Mo money just flowin outta the till

Sending your hearts into fibrillation
Preaching the false tribulation

The B.C. government isn't going to describe the huge decorated tree soon to go up in the legislative rotunda as a Christmas tree, a holiday tree, a winter tree, a seasonal tree or anything else.

It's just The Tree.

"That way, everyone can call it what they want," a government spokeswoman said yesterday.
In fact, she noted, The Tree hasn't had an official title for several years.
[Full Story] [Via Amy Welborn]

I have translated the classic Christmas song into politically correct incoherent gibberish.

O don't know what to call you tree, O nameless tree!
How all this leaves us mindless!
O don't know what to call you tree, O nameless tree!
But calling you Christmas is a crime!
O don't know what to call you tree, O nameless tree!
But aren't we all so tolerant!

O don't know what to call you tree, O nameless tree!
I am afraid that someone might sue me!
For every year the whatchamacallit tree,
Brings to us all multicultural P.C.!
O don't know what to call you tree, O nameless tree!
Attacks on you are all so clich�!

O don't know what to call you tree, O nameless tree!
Thy product of enslaved bees shine out brightly!
Each bough doth hold its tiny energy consuming light,
That makes each petroleum product toy to sparkle bright.
O don't know what to call you tree, O nameless tree!
Thy product of enslaved bees shine out brightly!

I also seem to have a shortwave radio capable of picking up broadcasts from the same alternate universe that Victor Lams is able to listen to. In this universe Helen Reddy also had a hit song, figure the odds. It went as follows:

I am Roman, hear me roar
In rants too sharp to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard all the heresies before
And I've been down there on my knees
and won't get up until the end

CHORUS
Oh yes the Church is wise
But it's wisdom born of revelation
Yes, Jesus paid the price
But look at our salvation
If I have to, I can move mountains
I am holy (holy)
I am Catholic (Catholic)
I am Roman

You can bend but never break me
the gates of hell will never take me
More determined to achieve my final goal
Because Jesus will never forsake me
Not unrepentant any longer
'cause you've sanctified my soul

CHORUS

FADE
I am Roman
I am infallible
I am universal
I am Roman