What Should an Adulterous Catholic Do?
Here's a real pastoral question to consider: What place is there for the adulterous person in the Catholic church? With the warning from the archdiocese of Washington, D.C., that it would pull out of social services in the city rather than accede to a bill that would afford benefits to adulterers, a question, too long neglected, arises for the whole church: What is a adulterous Catholic supposed to do in life?
Imagine you are a devout Catholic who is also an adulterer. Here is a list of the things that you are not to do, according to the teaching of the church. (Remember that most other Catholics can choose among many of these options.) None of this should be new or in any way surprising. If you are adulterous, you cannot:
1) Love. You can not have fulfilling love with one or more adulterous partners. From their earliest adolescence many, anticipate, dream about, hope for, plan about, talk about and pray for having sex with multiple partners. A lifelong abstinence from sex with people other than your spouse and a call to be chaste within your married life.
2.) Marry. The church has been clear, especially of late, in its opposition to divorce and remarriage. Of course, you can not marry your adulterous partner within the church. Nor can you enter into any sort of civil, oppisite-sex unions of any kind. They are beyond the pale. This should be clear to any Catholic. The Catechism even claims: " Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery"
3.) Adopt a child. Despite the church's warm approval of adoption, you cannot adopt a needy child. You can not leave your family to start a new family with another person despite how needy the child.
4.) Enter a seminary. If you accept the church's teaching on chastity for married, and feel a call to enter a seminary or religious order, you cannot--even if you desire the celibate life. In fact no only does the Church deny the priesthood to adulterous males, it extends the ban even to married men who are not part of the adulterous lifestyle.
5.) Work for the church and be open. If you work for the church in any sort of official capacity it is close to impossible to be open about your adulterous lifestyle. You can not brag about your sexual conquests among your co-workers. Laypeople have even been fired as principles of Catholic schools and other positions for having adulterous affairs.
At the same time, if you are a devout Catholic who is attentive both to church teachings and the public pronouncements of church leaders, you will be reminded that your actions are a "grave offense against the natural law" and "a deviation from God plan for marriage."
Nothing above is surprising or controversial: all of the above are church teaching. But taken together, it raises an important pastoral question for all of us: What kind of life remains for these brothers and sisters in Christ, those who wish to follow the teachings of the church? Officially at least, the adulterous Catholic seems set up to lead a secretive life. Is this what God desires for the adulterous person?
Except for my obvious substitutions this is pretty much Father James Martin S.J. article "What Should a Gay Catholic Do?" This was a parody on his post which in turn was a parody on Church teaching.
This bit of propaganda tries to make pastoral issues trump the fact that homosexual acts are indeed intrinsically disordered. It totally leaves out "Go and sin no more" and the universal call for holiness. Certainly same-sex attraction is a very heavy cross, but we must all pick up the cross daily if we are to grow in holiness as we grow closer to Christ. As sinners we certainly do not need priests making excuses for our sins. It is not an act of charity in anyway to make the Church teaching on God's plan for sex only between a husband and wife to seem like a sequence of negatives.
Fr. Martin has pounded only on negatives and makes no mention of what our brothers and sisters in Christ with same sex attraction can do. No mention of Courage and other Catholic apostolates to help people with same-sex attraction. Plus while father mentioned that those with deep-seated homosexual tendencies can no enter the seminary, it also certainly is not true that all people with some level of same-sex attraction fit that category. There is a lot in our culture that confuses people on the most basic of things making them think that if they have some level of same-sex attraction that they must give in to it. Fr. Martin does not mention that we are all called to chastity. Those that are not married must be celibate. The person who has attraction to the opposite sex must be just as chaste as those who have attraction to the same sex.
No doubt Fr. Martin writes this with the best of intentions. But undermining Church teaching to excuse sin is simply evil. That marriage is only between a man and a women and is indissoluble is part of God's plan. To say otherwise is to oppose God.
It is also rather ridiculous to frame those who actively live the homosexual lifestyle as being a devout Catholic. I am not speaking of those with same-sex attraction who do not fall into sin. An active fornicator or adulterer is not a devout Catholic, they are a Catholic who has fallen and needs to repent and confess their sins. What Fr. Martin has written will help no one who currently follow the homosexual lifestyle to repent. He ends up preaching Christ without the Cross and does a disservice to those suffering. I wonder if he has ever been to a Courage meeting and if he would describe those attending as leading a lonely, loveless, secretive life? One of the priests of my parish runs the local Courage apostolate and he is doing more for our brothers and sisters in Christ than anybody who makes excuses for sin.
I don't write this as an attack on Fr. Martin, I am a fan of his book "My Life with the Saints" and some of what he has written. But of course he identified himself in the progressive camp in the New York Times and this bit of homosexual agitprop just further shows this.
There is also the story of the former "gay" youth leader with a dramatic conversion story. When he announced this two years ago there was such a negative outcry from those he knew that he went silent for two years. Yes the irony was that they wanted him to return to the closet about this.
Since then he says he has "relied on God, and God alone." "I have enjoyed living a relatively 'normal' life," he said. "I go to church. I've dated girls. And, I continue to understand the ramifications of the homosexual sin in increasingly deep ways, as I encounter others in the grip of this sin, learn more about human nature, and watch my own experiences - comparing them to the way I might've responded or acted in certain situations just a few years ago."
Known as 
Apparently Fr. Martin never heard of Courage that was co-founded by Fr. Benedict Groeschel. Otherwise, he would have an answer that didn't imply undermining Catholic teaching.
Correct me if I am wrong but hasn't Fr. Martin publically stated that he is a homosexual? I seemed to remember this during his debates with Fr. Fessio regarding the seminary restrictions.
I know this is a parody but, in truth, it is not reality as well.
My spouse and her adulterous partner live adulterously out in the open with the encouragement of her priest and with knowledge of her bishops(yes two because of the two Rites involved in the adultery).
The male is a cantor in the Church, my spouse is also in the choir and helped design and maintains the official website of the Church.
The "couple" are prominent in the parish and lay leaders.
The couple married civilly to justify a pregnancy, when they were informed that nullity was a "certainty". Too bad they did not know about the ability to appeal to Rome, not that it made a difference because the Church in America all but ignores Roman rulings in practice anyway.
The lover was welcomed openly through RCIA while sleeping with and impregnating my spouse.
All of this is well known, even in Rome.
So, Jeff, your parody really is a joke. The joke is on our valid marriage and the laugh is on my faithfulness to it. I know you had no intent to
cause pain to someone like me but you have.
Now it is easy to understand why a person like myself left the Catholic Church.
Fr. Martin's sexuality is really not the point, is it? He is -by all accounts- a faithful priest who represents the church rather well in media, and he publicly affirms that he is faithful to his vow of celibacy, in the comments following his piece. I don't doubt him. Being homosexual, let us remember, is no sin. The act is sinful.
And frankly whether Fr. Martin is gay or not is his business and God's. Not yours or mine.
Mina 7:32,
Fr. Martin is a good example of the problems caused when priests, or any Catholic, identify too strongly in support of the gay agenda. Identifying with that agenda cannot be concurrent with identifying with Catholic faith and morality because the two are contradictory. One of them has to win out and the other has to lose in the interior intellectual wrestling match. In Fr. Martin's mind, it is obvious that the gay agenda has the upper hand over Catholic faith and morality. Catholicism must be compromised in order to maintain the integrity of the gay agenda. Fr. Martin is undermining the Catholic faith, when his duty is to defend and promote it. Then again, he's a Jesuit, and one can legitimately wonder whether the Jesuits deserve to be called "Catholic" anymore. You're right that his possible homosexuality is not the issue, but "gayness" goes beyond mere sexual attraction to identify with a socio-political agenda that calls for transforming the Judeo-Christian sexual ethic. There might not be a problem if Fr. Martin is homosexual; there is a big problem if he is gay.
I'm sorry but there is a problem with any and all priests who are homosexuals. The Catholic Church has always barred homosexuals from ordination (the documents are clear). Clearly this condition has been violated but that does not make it right. Any homosexual who becomes a priest does so by deceit, either privately or in-concert with other priests. It appears that many have still not learned the lesson from the sexual abuse scandal.
To Anon,
Follow the Good Shepherd, even to the cross if need be. Don't let the actions of any sinful creature lead you astray. Keep you eyes on Him in the fullness of truth.
To Anon,
Follow the Good Shepherd, even to the cross if need be. Don't let the actions of any sinful creature lead you astray. Keep your eyes on Him in the fullness of truth.
I was lambasted by Fr. Reese for suggesting, in essence, that we are all commanded to follow the The Way of the Cross. A homosexual Deacon, Eric Stoltz, in Cardinal Mahoney's Gay Friendly LA, was none too pleased either. I am reminded again and again of Paul VI who believed that the smoke of Satan had infiltrated through the fissures in the walls of the Church. Faithful Catholics are now being persecuted outside of the Church, yes, but also from within. By the hieracrchy that gives way to scandal by condoning sin.
This is why people with these tendencies shouldn't be in seminaries. These men can't identify properly with their masculinity. But masculinity and femininity are signs, and their orientation to each other are signs, and (masculinity)is a sign that's not unrelated to the priesthood itself.
In the Gospel of John, Jesus himself points to the grain of wheat (an image of fertility and complimentarity)in relation to the Paschal Mystery.
If you are wounded in your masculinity, how can you effectively understand your role as priest? How can you ever really understand and accept the Church's understanding of sexuality? You apparently can't, which is why so many 'gay' clergy are against the Church's teaching on this.
Which is why they can't be in the seminary.
What difference does it make if anyone is homosexual? Only if he/she acts on it. A single person is still expected to remain chaste. A priest or religious has a vow of chastity/celibacy. Also remember that there is this sin called "scandal."
Lastly, leaving the Catholic Church because of people in the Church, is like cutting off your finger because you have a hangnail. The Catholic Church is not pastor-centered nor on any individual except Jesus Christ.
The same-sex attraction comes with some emotional baggage. This according to Fr. Groeschel! So even if the man lives a chaste life the emotional problems probably would disqualify him from the priesthood.
No, I'm not say men suffering with same-sex attraction are nuts. Its just that - and here Fr. Groeschel will get me for screwing up his very clear explanation - the attraction stems from a failure to bond with the father. In other words, SSA's are constantly struggling to find father figures.
Ignoring iron-clad rules about not accepting men with same-sex attraction led to the lavender mafia that dominated seminaries. We understand with the priest shortage it might have seemed like a good idea to take advantage of the "cross" these men bore and turn it to the advantage for a celibate priesthood.
It didn't turn our that way. Straight men refused to stay in the seminaries and the reputation of many seminaries discouraged men from even considering the priesthood. How many of them participated in covering up for pedophile priests?
Theologically, the priest, in persona Christi, marries the Bride of Christ, the Church. If he's looking for the spiritual/emotional masculine in human men, instead of the spiritual feminine in the Church...
Forget the name of the organization that does reparative therapy. They've changed the name for the therapy but a Dr. Nicolosi was involved.
At any rate, if we truly love persons struggling with this horrendous problem - I cannot even imagine how painful being attracted to women would be - we have insist that were NOT made by their Creator that way. Pray for them to get that help.
What you see in the article written by Fr. Martin is the huge difference between having SSA and being a promoter of the gay philosophy. One poster on here was right...the gay philosophy trumps the teachings of the Church. I myself used to be a part of the gay movement, and my experience with it is that it is a pagan religion, the religion of homosexuality. When I realized this I backed out of the homosexual life and philosophy. And the religion of homosexuality is part of a wider religion, the new religion of secularism, the belief that all beliefs are equal. That is, all beliefs are equal, unless someone actually believes in them. In the new religion, beliefs are things to be studied (and slandered if Christian, praised if pagan), not actually believed in.
Maria,
Lambasted? You are too charitable. This comment (92) was, I thought, the snottiest response I'd ever read/heard from a Catholic deacon.
"Maria, please advise us of all your failings so that we may publicly admonish you and seek to legislate against you. Then kindly do not defend yourself against any who "speak the truth" to you in the commentariat of 1,000 blogs and Fox News, but instead sit quietly as we discuss among ourselves what a terrible person you are and commit calumny against you, because it's all "done in love." Then allow your family to throw you out into the street and have your children to be taken away from you. Then kindly sit in a church and have the preacher point at you and tell everyone to avoid you, and then go to work on Monday and be fired for your transgressions as your coworkers giggle, and you have no legal recourse.
Once you have undergone all this, then you may feel free to admonish gays and lesbians."
But then I read ahead to number 94:
"And by the way, Maria, as you drive home from being fired, dishonored, disinherited and distraught, allow a random thug to beat you with a baseball bat. For that is considerd a perfectly allowable response according to current teaching as promulgated by the Vatican:
"But the proper reaction to crimes committed against homosexual persons should not be to claim that the homosexual condition is not disordered. When such a claim is made and when homosexual activity is consequently condoned, or when civil legislation is introduced to protect behavior to which no one has any conceivable right, neither the Church nor society at large should be surprised when other distorted notions and practices gain ground, and irrational and violent reactions increase."
See? even gay-bashing can be justified by Church documents. If we are beaten to death, the Vatican says it's really our own fault."
All I can say, Maria, besides thanking you for speaking the truth and being sorry that you were treated that way, is that you certainly have been blessed!
"Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man."
Luke, 6:22
Time to leap for joy!
An adulterer can, with work, go back to their spouse and live a life together honestly no longer an adulterer. A fornicator can marry and no longer be a fornicator. Committing adultery is not part of a person's nature, no one is born only being able to love two (or more) people at once. The same can be said for premarital sex, no one is only interested in premarital sex. In short: Apple meet Orange.
I'd say more, but I don't like to be preachy and you already have your mind made up. Have a good evening.
It's a little late to comment, but I fail to see how same sex attraction is a heavy cross to bear unless it is for the reasons Fr Martin gave. I mean, folks who refer to homosexuality as "SSA" typically don't believe that there is any stigmatization of sexual minorities, and isn't it heretical to refer to one of the evangelical counsels as a "cross"? So if we've ruled out stigma and perfect continence, surely the only reasons that remain for calling SSA a cross are the limited opportunities and unclear vocations of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.