Puppet Masters
I hope that I don't come off as paranoid or as someone who relishes conspiracy theories. I have no tinfoil hat and I am afraid that even the thickest grade of tinfoil will not protect us from this threat. Now this intro may seem a little overblown, but let me give you some documentary evidence before I make the case about this looming threat. Please forgive me for these graphic images, but sometimes we must see the reality to be shocked into action.
These photographs were all taken during Catholic Masses or were from events such as a Eucharistic Conference. These puppets seem to come in all sizes from cute and cuddly, human size, to gigantic. Though there is a surprising consistency to all of them of a lack of joy and a very dour disposition. At first I thought it was just a coincidence to find all of these puppets used in liturgical contexts within a relatively short period of time. I soon started pondering if perhaps something more nefarious was behind all of this. I know I for one do not welcome our new puppet overlords.
As a SF fan I thought about Robert Heinlein's novel The Puppet Masters where an alien slug-like creature took over the leadership and started to take control. When I first started seeing this puppets I thought their introduction was totally alien to the liturgy, that is when it struck me "alien" to the liturgy - what if aliens in the liturgy? I started to try to think what if I was part of a liturgically minded alien race whose different forms often looked like puppets. What steps would I do to infiltrate and then slowly become accepted until it was too late. Well if I was such an alien obviously I would go to the Religious Education Conference in Los Angeles. This would be the perfect hub to take control since many diocese send their people involved in liturgy there and they they pass on the latest liturgical fads to their own diocese. So I started to do some more investigation and it was not long till l found a picture of Rev. Joe Kempf. during the Gospel reading for a young adult liturgy at the RECongress in 2008.
Now you might somehow barely fathom puppets at Mass for children, but to give the Sesame Street treatment to a group of teenagers and above? Obviously these alien puppet-like creatures have hypnotic control or how else can you explain young adults being treated like this? I then wondered if they infiltrated the Diocese of Los Angeles Religious Education Conference than what else might they have they taken over? I once again tried to tap myself into the mind of these liturgically minded aliens as a kind of alien profiler. If I was in their shoes (or i guess in some cases a sock) what would I do to give me a strategic position and at the same time give me a good defensive stronghold once our plans were fully discovered?
It then dawned on me that Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral was a horrible design for a Catholic Church, but a great design for a defensive bunker. All that concrete would be perfect defense. But what alien artifacts might be already inside the Cathedral?
Why in the world would anybody pay one million dollars for this actual tabernacle in the Cathedral? The only sane interpretation is that the money was needed to create this alien artifact whose purpose I can not discern. If I put up a quiz with this picture and asked - alien artifact or tabernacle - which would you choose? Though it could be related to one of the liturgical puppet races since is has that same sad dour look to it. But if the L.A. Cathedral was actually designed as a bunker then this means this conspiracy goes all the way to the top!
No wonder Cardinal Mahony speaks so often about illegal aliens! He has been covering for the liturgical puppet aliens all along. First you slowly introduce all kinds of odd elements into the liturgy and pretty soon people won't bat an eye at puppets being involved. Though I think I can discern a weakness in these human looking helpers for the liturgical puppet aliens. The answer was in front of us all along. Obviously they are deathly afraid of precious metals which is why they can only use glass chalices. Long after Redemptionis Sacramentum was published glass chalices and pitchers are still being used. We must hunt down these liturgists within. I suggest a crucifix made out of precious metal such as silver to test them. No wonder liturgists have done their best to get rid of silver and gold crucifixes.
Wake up people and act! Or else instead of mariology we will be force to learn marionetteology.
Update: I had originally identified Robert Scholla, S.J. as the priest with the puppet as per the REConference website. It was mistaken, the priest in the photo is Rev. Joe Kempf.
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"Though there is a surprising consistency to all of them of a lack of joy and a very dour disposition." May I suggest the obvious... that the skill level needed to produce dour puppets is much lower than the skill level needed to produce genuine works of art. Perhaps the look on the faces of the puppets is a reflection of the state of mind of the producer(s)? By their fruits (dour puppets, cheesy masks, trashy architecture, liturgical abuses...) shall ye know them. One could go blind looking at such crap.
Erm, maybe I'm wrong but that picture of Rev. Scholla looks exactly like one of the kids shows on Boston Catholic TV. It's the same puppet. Are you sure that is actually a picture from a Mass, and not a clip from the show?
Call me a bit touchy, but pics #1 & 4 from the Eucharistic Congress were part of the opening ceremonies and definitely NOT in a liturgical context (a better analogy might be like the opening ceremonies of the Olympics). They were depicting the arrival of the Catholic Church in Quebec and these represented some of the Quebec saints and blesseds. And no, that guy wasn't singing a Haugen-Haas tune but (as best as I could tell given my rusty French) an ode to Bishop Laval, the first bishop of New France, as Quebec was called at the time.
Because Salt & Light TV was reairing the Congress coverage this week, I watched the opening events on their online feed last night just to see what the fuss was about. And to be honest, within the context I didn't think the presentation was that bad (at least it was dignified and had coherence unlike the next presentation, which consisted of a group of women singing and waving sheets in the air).
Truth, Beauty, Goodness. An attack on one is an attack on all three as Belloc put it. Those puppets are an example of ugliness, but that tabernacle takes the prize in it!
I'm sorry, Nancy, but I think that even though these puppets weren't used during Mass, they still have no place at the Eucharist Congress. The opening ceremonies should set the tone for the Congress and these puppets scream entertainment rather than reverence.
Shane,
That picture is from the RECongress site and has the same background as the rest of the pictures in the sequence.
Nancy,
I stated in the post some pictures were from a Eucharistic Congress. Though I don't think such ugly creatures should be there either.
To quote the latest Indiana Jones movie: "No way. God doesn’t look like that."
I also have to wonder now if Our Lady of the Angels was built to conceal the Mothership
I agree, it's perfectly fine to question whether or not it was the best kind of presentation .
My concern was that by lumping it in with the puppet Mass that there might have been some ill intent implied and I don't believe that was the case. You can accuse them of bad taste but not necessarily sacrilege. In any case this was in keeping with the fact that the Congress was tied to the 400th anniversary of the founding of Quebec and its Catholic roots.
I did watch a lot of the Congress coverage and this was less of a problem for me than some of the head-scratching moments I saw during the liturgies themselves. Don't get me wrong; the liturgies were reverent, they used Latin and the music wasn't too bad. But there were some oddball moments that made you go, "hmmmm."
Thanks for straightening out the puppet mystery for us, Jeff. Funny thing is, next to the reality of those creatures, (they look strangely similar to the creatures ingrained on my grotesque, landlord-chosen paneling, come to think of it) your theory sounds sane. :)
Really, this post requires a Not Safe for Work warning. I cackled. I really cackled. It's pretty embarrassing to have the secretary check on you.
Our Lady of Angels, looks just like a fort my brother and I made out of cardboard boxes, the day when my mother got all new appliances throught the house.
Cardinal Mahoney, from another planet? Now THAT explains things!
It must be remembered that, though I myself am no big fan the extra large puppets, the puppets at the Eucharistic Congress were in no way a part of the Mass at all, but were part of the opening ceremonies. They ensured there was a distinction with that at the Mass. I know because I was there myself.
It must be remembered that, though I myself am no big fan the extra large puppets, the puppets at the Eucharistic Congress were in no way a part of the Mass at all, but were part of the opening ceremonies. They ensured there was a distinction with that at the Mass. I know because I was there myself.
It must be remembered that, though I myself am no big fan the extra large puppets, the puppets at the Eucharistic Congress were in no way a part of the Mass at all, but were part of the opening ceremonies. They ensured there was a distinction with that at the Mass. I know because I was there myself.
Is that REALLY a tabernacle? And did it REALLY cost a million dollars?
Whatever it is, it really does have that same dour look that the puppets (except the Cookie Monster wannabe) share.
The puppets at the Eucharistic Congress really are ugly, but I don't see them as bad. They seem to be part of a current style of pageantry for opening and closing ceremonies that will probably be as short-lived as others. At least there's none of that bizarre Circque du Soleil style twirling from the ceiling that became so popular a while ago! And does anyone remember the glowing pregnant belly, representing the future of Greece (I think) from the Athens Olympics? Ha ha!
Thanks Jeff, for another hilarious one! It's good to remember that laughter is often the best response to folly. We human beings are laughable creatures, and I hope God laughs at us more than He condemns us.
I, for one, do NOT welcome our new puppet overlords.
I knew there were aliens among us.
Rumor has it that they all got confused. Except, I'm not sure how one could confuse the year of Paul with the year of the puppets.
I would love to see Papa Benny show up one day unannounced for Mass where the liturgical abuses were occurring, and then pull a "Jesus meets money changers in Temple" routine to oust this garbage once and for all.
Hey, if Jeff can convince us of alien sabotage, perhaps my idea isn't so far-fetched either!
Hey!
I think I know that priest in the picture with the teal puppets.
Hmmmmmm
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This alien theory is nothing new. At my alma mater, St. John's university in Collegeville, MN, we were the first outpost the aliens invaded way back in the early 60's.
The church is made of pure ugly gray concrete outside
http://www.employees.csbsju.edu/idommer/Church/Exterior.htm
and inside
http://www.employees.csbsju.edu/idommer/Church/ChurchTour.htm
and you are greeted by a 12 ft. tall naked alien as you walk in the front doors.
http://www.employees.csbsju.edu/idommer/Church/Baptistry.htm
Is is any wonder why this place had such a problem with the clergy sex scandal? I think the aliens brought with them their deviant practices and taught them to the monks and priests there.
There have also been abductions in the area including the university itself and the young men have never been seen again.
There are some sad ramifications to messing with what some would deem unimportant things. I just hope our 40 years of wandering in this liturgical desert has come to an end now with our current Pope.
Evil,thy name is Mr. Potato-head.
I can't BELIEVE that ugly thing is a tabernacle. However when you look at it for a bit, you come to see that is is made from exhaust tubes from the Mother ship. Either that or they are remnants from a pipe organ that is no longer used once a keen Hammond organ/electric piano moved in!
As for the puppets - they have the same effect on me as clowns, mimes, and drag queens. They scare the bejarpurs out of me.
As regards to the Eucharistic Congress 'puppets'-it would have been better to have some nice processional banners (of the 'traditional' type) of the Saints and Blesseds of Quebec. These WOULD scare the bejeebers out of anyone! (I'm talking about the puppets)
That was A TABERNACLE, those 'tubes' from the "Lost Angeles Cathedral'? It looked hideous!
I was at that Congress. The crowd oood and awwwd. I groaned. At one point, to show one of our beloved Canadian saints being taken up into heaven the puppet, minus the puppeteer, was spirited up into the highest point of the rafters. Again, the crowd went wild. I groaned. It was really weird, later on during a homily or speaker, to note the puppet still hanging there, lifeless. I dunno. Just didn't do it for this convert.
Jeff - here's more evidence of the puppetmasters conspiracy theory! I hope they don't come for you in the night!
Unfortunately that hideous thing is the Tabernacle at the Rog Mahal. As a suffering person in LA...The alien theory does make sense. 2/27/11 can't come fast enough.
The sad thing about the puppets at the Eucharistic Congress is that the diocese has "nice processional banners (of the 'traditional' type)" of the Saints and Blesseds of Quebec. They were used at one of the youth summits leading up to the Congress. Unfortunately, at the Congress they used these puppets and processional banners that were ugly. I know that the people organizing the congress wanted to use the talents of local artisans, and the the puppets were made and designed by local artisans, so I suppose it depends to some extent on the style of the artist and of the fads in the art world.
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