L-Mart 2008

The Book of Psalms tells us:

I said, "I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will bridle my mouth, so long as the wicked are in my presence.

You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue

Do you sometimes have problems bridleing your tongue and find yourself saying things you soon regret and with the Psalmist "Deliver me, O LORD, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue." and refer this to your own tongue?

If so you will love Tongue Suppressors which help to suppress those words you soon regret. Each Tongue Suppressor is coated with our patented tongue guard formula and in no time you will "Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit." and soon your "Tongue will sing of thy word, for all thy commandments are right."

Do you ever wonder if you have ever made spiritual progress considering all of the Lents you have gone through in life? Have you ever wondered exactly what mansion of Saint Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle you are in? Are you still in the basement of the castle accompanied by numerous reptiles which disturb your peace or have you gone from aridity in prayer to sweetness in prayer or even the prayer of union or beyond? Well now you can know for sure with El Castillo Interior Detector. Just hold it in front of yourself and watch the meter as it points between the range of the first mansion and the seventh.

If the meter seems stuck on the first mansion this is not the fault of the detector, which requires no batteries, but in yourself.

Warning: Do not attempt to point this device at other people to see where there are at or your own mansion level will immediately drop. If you must make comparisons make sure they are only between Christ and yourself.

Does your parish have a real abstract set of the Stations of the Cross. As you go from station to station is your first meditation "What the heck is this suppose to represent." That some wannabe Picasso has managed to con your parish. That without the text at the bottom of them you would have no clue as to meaning of the station?

If so you will love the Stations of the Cross Viewmaster. Each set comes with 14 awesome images which through the latest 3D technology look so real you will think you are in one of the more beautiful churches in Rome.

Are you in the habit of fault watching? Where you watch others and catalog their faults like the most obsessive detail-oriented bird watcher?

Then you need the Inward Binoculars. Instead of training your eyes on others these Binoculars focus inward to reveal your faults. First start at the lowest magnification levels since it is more than likely your faults will be easily seen at this level. As you progress in the spiritual life you can increase the magnification. The fault comparison algorithm is not computed on others compared to yourself, but yourself compared to Jesus. The inward binoculars work best when you keep your eyes on Jesus.

Is your will united with the Sacred Heart of Jesus? Does your heart beat with the will of Christ or is there little synchronization?

With the Sacred Heart Monitor you will know for sure. If the signal is flat lined you might not have the leads connected correctly. If you do and it is still flat lined it means your prayer life is dead. If this symptom is detected resuscitate your prayer life immediately with prayer. Reading the Gospels is highly recommended to jump start your heart and prayer life.

Are you one of those people who just love seafood and find abstinence from meat something not anyway penitential? If you fit into this category you will love to hate Yuck Spice.

Yuck Spice is a very unpleasant seasoning you sprinkle on your seafood or salad if you are a vegetarian. This makes your normally enjoyable meal quite penitential and much more fitting with the season.

Have you made a Lenten commitment to give up all snacks during Lent yet in years past you have always failed to keep this resolution?

Introduction the Snack Patch. Each pack contains amounts of all the normal crap you read on the ingredients of most snack food of additives, preservatives, color additives, emulsifiers, etc. Each week you change your patch and each week it contains less and less of your normal snack chemical soup you so love.

Have you ever wanted to try out sackcloth, but just weren't sure how it was done properly?

If you answered yes you are a candidate for the Sackcloth T the finest in penitential undershirts and you can get them monogrammed. People might give you strange looks as you constantly scratch your upper body, but they won't know your wearing sackcloth under your work shirt.

If you want something more fashionable then you can also order are sackcloth hoodies.

Are you one of the millions that go to Ash Wednesday services only to come away with the sign of the smudge? Disappointed once again that you don't have a distinctive cross on your forehead. That when your co-workers see you they offer you a napkin or tell you got some grease on your forehead?

Well this will never happen again if you have the Ash Wednesday Stencil. Simply remove the film on the stencil and attach the adhesive side to your forehead before ashes are distributed. After ashes are applied remove the stencil to have that perfect cross revealed.

While it is too late to use this product this year, order now so that next year you won't get smudged.

Do you want to write down your Lenten resolutions to help to remind you to keep them, yet don't want to make them too permanent? The Lenten Resolution is perfect for people who have to keep downshifting their resolution.

If you start with "Pray 30 minutes a day" and then after a week found you didn't make it, then simply shake the Lenten Resolution tablet and put "Pray 20 minutes a day." Shake all you want. Our tablet can take it even when you get down to "Pray 5 minutes a day."