PWTN's new schedule
Progressive Word Television Network (PWTN) which has brought you such hits as Earth Mother Joan Live and Journey from Rome now has a brand new line up of great shows.
Because of the writers strike we have decided to devote our new schedule to reality shows. We need writers for our regular shows since we write our theology as we go.
Regardless we are sure you will love our new top of the line show Liturgical Dancing with the Stars!
The new show pairs a number of celebrities with groups of professional liturgical dancers, who each week compete by performing the latest in liturgical dances with and without banners and other props, which are then given scores by our special panel of judges. Viewers are given a certain amount of time to place votes on their favorite liturgical dancers, either by telephone or Internet. The liturgical dancing group with the lowest combined score (judges plus viewers) is eliminated and does not go on to the next week. This process continues until there are only two or three liturgical dancing groups left, at which point one group is declared the champion.
We also have the greatest group of judges to judge liturgical dancers ever. Each week you will delight in the acerbic wit of Sister Joan D. Chittister, OSB, the Most Revd Dr Thomas Gumbleton, and the Most Reverend Donald W. Trautman, S.T.D., S.S.L. Bishop Trautman is a real down to earth guy that will never use any big words to confuse you and when it comes to judging liturgical dancers he will never quench the spirit.
We don't want to spill the beans too much on what stars we will have this season but the following photo will give you some idea of the A-List talent we have.
Interpreting Scripture through movement can be
done by anyone who can pull on some leotards and wave their arms and
body around during Mass, but you will love to see the professionals
along with your favorite stars show you how it can be done.
Liturgical Dancing with the Stars will kick off with a live
show on Feb 28th filmed at the Los Angeles
Religious Education Congress which has been a great showcase for
liturgical dance in the past.
Wait it gets even better. Besides your favorite stars from the state and the screen we also will have as guests some of your favorite liturgical dancers from within the Church.
Such as the famous pirouetting Jesuit Father Saju George S.J.
And who can forget Br. Angel Mendez, OP of the Southern Dominican Province Canadian Dominican-can dancer who will be appearing.
So make sure to set your TIVO or watch live the next best thing on PWTN with audience participation. Along with Liturgical Dancing with the Stars we have some other great reality shows that demonstrate the latest in prophetic scheduling.
You will just love our new audience participation show called "Sensus Fidelium (Sorry about the Latin)". Each week a prophetic panel appears to discuss which direction the church should take on a hot button issue. After the panel makes their brave arguments for change on issues the audience can then vote on it via their phone or SMS text messaging. Each weeks results "Sensus Fidelium (Sorry about the Latin)" will be sent to the Papal Nuncio and the Vatican.
Or how about "Survivor: Diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska" In this show progressive Catholics are isolated in Bishop Bruskewitz's diocese and must go without internet connectivity and their subscription to National Catholic Reporter and other of their favorite magazines and newspapers. Each week tune in to see whether contestants can survive Masses celebrated totally in accordance to the GIRM and with exactly zero creative liturgical changes. In one grueling episode the contestants visit a seminary busting to the seams with seminarians who share the same knee-jerk "obedience" to the church as their Bishop does. A seminary full of young-fogeys is a difficult prospect to face. If you are a progressive Catholics who thinks they have what it takes for "Survivor: Diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska" then please attend our tryouts. But it certainly is not for the faint of heart.
After such a grueling show you will be able to sit back and relax to American Catholic Idol where each week amateur contestants belt our classic songs such as "Here I Am Lord", "Ashes", "Shine, Jesus, Shine" and multiple other songs you have come to know and love at your local Catholic Church. A panel of songwriters from OCP and GIA will judge these performers as to capability and to how well they perform with acoustic guitars, tambourines, and any other hand-held percussion instruments. You will laugh as less than talented singers try their hand at a Marty Haugen song or thrill when a singer nails "On Eagle's Wing." Join is for the wild ride of emotionalism in all of your favorite modern Catholic hymns.
There is lots to love this year at Progressive Word Television Network (PWTN) so come an join us!
Known as 
Too much Jeff, too much!!!
OK, I know these shows aren't real, but the sadist in me WOULD LOVE to see "Survivor: Diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska".
This could be followed up by "Survivor: Diocese of Kansas City ~ St. Joseph" & see how they handle Bishop Finn
or "Survivor: Archdiocese of St.Louis" & Archbishop Burke.
& the biggie would have to be "Survivor: Vatican City" & Papa Benedetto.
Then maybe after Archbishop Nienstedt settles in "Survivor: Archdiocese of St. Paul & Minneapolis"
By that time however it might be hard to find any progressive Catholics left that are willing to come out of the closet (pun intended). Or they might try going to court claiming that making them go through what they would have to in Lincoln Nebr. is be torture.
Oh my goodness! I think I'm going into labor! You must stop this madness!
Heeheeheeheeheehee!
Oh please, choose me for "Survivor: Lincoln"!
Are there any new episodes of "Extreme Church Makeover" in the works? Like the Cathedral in the Diocese of Rochester NY? C'mon everybody, shout it with me "Driver, move that bus!!!! Aiiigghhhhh!!!!!!"
Again, your brilliant creativity gives the rest of us a chance to laugh. Thanks, Jeff.
I would only add that some songs ("Shine, Jesus, Shine," for example) that would be better left out of the Mass *do* have a place in Catholic spirituality - some very orthodox Renewal movements use them at prayer meetings, where they actually assist in non-liturgical but authentic worship.
Sad, the picture of the outdoor labyrinth is in the diocese of Dallas about 5 miles from the parish I work for.
FUNNY!
I am going to 'sing to the mountains' as I 'sing a new church' in all my 'dreams, signs and wonders' as we gather faithfully together.
HAHAHA, that was great. I agree that "Extreme Makeover: Church Edition" should be added to the line up. Seriously, something needs to done to that thing in LA they call a Cathedral.
Mary and LarryD
Well a year ago I did do an Extreme Church Makeover parody.
http://www.splendoroftruth.com/curtjester/archives/006397.php
Although I secretly find this humorous, I have to wonder whether this type expression is in accord with true Christian charity. Certainly I realize that this site is dedicated to humor within the framework of clever parody and in the context of a personal blog, but let's face the reality that there are individuals involved here, i.e to the extent that they may be implicated unjustly. While in principle I may agree with the substance of the commentary, I wonder if its particular expression is truly Christian.
Dominican-can dancer!!! Hahahah
I actually think that "Survivor: Diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska" would be beneficial, and maybe a little bit funny.
While it would have a "gotcha" kind of humor about "progressive" Catholics, I think that celebrating the liturgy well and with dignity will infect them for life. You can't go back once you've done it right.
(Mr.? Ms.? Mrs.? Miss?) Jesson Mata...I think that you are confusing charity and 'niceness'. When error has taken hold of a mind, it is only charity to try to drive it out (although, as the Holy Father has pointed out, using force to do so can never be in accord with God). And humor, even biting humor, can be a part of this. Charity loves truth; niceness loves 'non-confrontation'. Our Lord was always charitable, but not always 'nice' (although you would never guess this from what we hear during most homilies...but that is a different story). And this distinction is especially crucial because FAR too many people who are involved in liturgical 'innovation' are also far more concerned about 'niceness' than the conversion of souls.
Jesson,
To back up what Aaron said: Being Christian does not mean being 'nice' all the time. Remember, if anyone asks you "what would Jesus do?" a potential answer is "Get angry and start throwing tables."
I think both of you raise fundamentally good points. I tend to agree that the path toward the exposition of truth may not necessarily be paved with "nice words." Our own Catholic tradition tells us that "The fruits of charity are joy, peace, and mercy; charity demands beneficence and fraternal correction; it is benevolence; its fosters reciprocity and remains disinterested and generous; it is friendship and communion: Love is itself the fulfillment of all our works. There is the goal; that is why we run; we run toward it, and once we reach it, in it we shall find rest." It is my hope that if, indeed, this commentary was born out of a charitable act, that its fruits may truly be one of joy, peace, and mercy. If this commentary was born out of love, then I concede to the point that this was charitable. As a Pastoral Assistant for Liturgy and Music, and as a faithful 28-year old former Dominican seminarian, I have encountered many cases of liturgical abuse. Personal experience has taught me that I could never convert the hearts of others through "biting humor" or mockery. Indeed, we must never cease to preach the truth, but let us bear in mind the character of Love and always strive to act according to what is charitable. Let us remember that charity "is the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for his own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God." Our Lord, the source of our moral life never mocked his opponents with "biting humor;" rather, he preached the truth with unfailing love. Feel free to contact me if you desire a genuine conversation on the matter.
Sometimes if we do not laugh, the crying over what many of us have had to experience would just overwhelm us.
I know Br. Angel!
That guy used to be at the University of Virginia. When my wife and I were going through RCIA at the Dominican parish in Charlottesville, Br. Angel taught the session on the Gospel.
When I happened to disagree with his take that the Gospels were written a couple of centuries after Christ, and I suggested instead that the Gospels actually were written by those to whom the Church had always credited them, he branded my view as "fundamentalist".
Jeff,
Stop giving them ideas. These are all too believable.
As usual great satire which does what satire should do.
Thanks for the smiles.
Brilliantly funny, Jeff! Thanks for the laughs.
Brilliant, too funny Jeff, hahahaha, Survivor, Diocese of Lincoln, LOL! These would be great shows if they actualy came on the air.
omgosh i think i wet myself!
I totally just thought of a Host for Life Off the Rock. Msgr Dale Fuseck (The Lifeteen guy)